Yup, I told you things were going to get weird. But before we get into THAT, mood tracking. FAAAAABULOUUUUUS! I took a much needed weekend of rest, which my body and spirit really needed. I feel refreshed and vivacious. I'm brimming with joy and positivity. What???? Spell check says positivity isn't a word??? I'm positively positive that positivity is positively a word. Woah. Now that word looks weird.
AnyWHO, so my crazy schedule lately has just been running me ragged! I get up at 7:30, cook Tristan breakfast, pack his lunch, get him ready and drive him to school. Then sometimes I take a nap, but last week Monday and Wednesday were the only days I got a nap because I had other things I needed to do. I do yoga, get ready for work and go there for 8 hours. Get out at midnight, drive from WALKER to SHELBYVILLE (an hour) to get Tristan. Go home, put him to bed, call Joth, go to bed myself. Wake up early as fuck and do it all over again, over and over, ad nauseam.
Except for that blessed hour of yoga in the morning to myself, I always have to be SOMETHING to SOMEONE. A mother to my children, an employee, a girlfriend. I would say a friend, but I haven't even seen any of my friends in months. This just drains me, energetically. All of this uninterrupted "interfacing" with everyone. I barely get to recharge. The only thing I ever do for me anymore is yoga, which I'm very glad I've hung on to. It is my refuge. Even when I'm doing that, though, there is this oppressive time table in my head -- those "have-to's". I have to do yoga by 11 and I have to get in the shower by 12 and I have to leave by 2, but if I need to stop anywhere or pick something up I have to leave at (x) time. I just needed a weekend, free of a schedule, free of constraints, and I LOVED it.
Yesterday, I spent 4 hours watching Spirit Science movies. Why? Because I CAN. I also slept for a good portion of the day, because I CAN. I meditated again and drank a lot of coffee. My palm chakras and the soles of my feet were tingling all day, almost to the point of burning. I keep dropping into those super deep sleeps that feel like they lasted an hour but are only 10 minutes or less. I also had flash fevers coming and going. All of this happened right after my reiki attunements, so something must be happening energetically. Maybe an upgrade.
Today I was going to go to the spiritualist church, but I woke up at 10 so I didn't. I am seriously considering going to the Buddhist temple tonight though. I'm nervous because it's my first time and I don't know the etiquette, but I can't imagine anyone being hateful or judgmental in a place like that. I jumped out of bed with a song in my heart, made a green smoothie with raw cacao and cherries, started cleaning and after I finish blogging I'll start yoga. That was a terrible sentence. Oh! The sun is shining! Spring is coming! Life is so beautiful! I think I am going to go see my brand new nephew today! My sister just had her baby. They named him Kian and he is so cuuuuuuuuute! I will confess, for a *brief* moment, I had baby fever. Then I remembered all of the awesome things I want to do with my life and decided that's just really not in the cards for me.
Tonight, Paradigm Shift Radio is doing a group meditation so of course I'm doing THAT. When I move to Hastings, I think I am going to just jump out there and do what I want to do. I want to have group meditation circles and open-minded discussion. The thing is, Seth and Aaron live in Hastings and they do NEIP (New Earth Illumination Project) which I suppose is something similar, except I have been waiting for something to happen and it hasn't yet. We are talking about doing a reiki share/informational event in the spring, though. That will be fun.
So, Uriel, right? I was lying in savasana the other night, totally blissed out from yoga. I dropped into that space...where you go to the place you go when you're dreaming, without falling asleep. I can't really explain it any better than that. I was aware of my body and what was going on around it -- that I was on my mat, had just finished yoga, etc -- but the place my mind went was a dream. But I knew everything that was happening, and remember it. I didn't lose consciousness.
Anyway, so I took that moment to thank my spirit guides and to invite them to be there. I heard a word in my head, at first all I caught was a piece of it and I said, "Ul?" and then I heard, more clearly, "Uriel". Okay, I am not an angel person. I think that's because in my mind, angels are forever associated with Christianity. I have always been a fairy person. I don't talk to angels, I don't study angels, I don't read about angels...I rejected that along with all of the crap that came along with the patriarchal oppressive religious indoctrination of my youth. After I got done with yoga, though, I googled "Uriel" and I was pretty surprised at what I found.
"Uriel rules the mental plane, our thoughts and ideas, creativity, insights, judgment, magic, alchemy, astrology, universal consciousness, divine order, the distribution of power, the cosmic universal flow and the Earth's environment. Uriel is humanity's link to the spiritual realms and he can show us how to find our inner power through a process that will help each individual Shift in consciousness and therefore accelerate the entire human kingdom's shift into higher realms of consciousness."
Well, that's pretty cool! In other news, Joth is giving me the silent treatment because I was supposed to come out Friday night, but I was so exhausted that the nap I tried to take turned into sleeping all night. You know, I really couldn't care less about it. I don't need to justify taking care of myself, and if he can't be supportive of my need to recharge...oh well. Really. Besides, were you aware that the silent treatment is emotional abuse? So is withholding sex, apparently, but that doesn't work for him anymore. He tried that once and after that I decided I don't even care if I never have sex with him anyway so that "punishment" works about as well as depriving me of the right to chew on razors and thumb tacks. If he thinks I'm going to come groveling, begging him to talk to me...hahahahahahaha!!!!!
I haven't left, but I'm gone
Like an old ghost town
There's nothing but tumbleweed
Blowing in my streets
The houses are vacant
Playgrounds are silent
I haven't left, I never will
I'll just slowly
Fade
Away.
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