Inversions

Well, I got my reason.  Remember how I had said that I saw no good reason to avoid inversions while menstruating, and until I heard a satisfying explanation as to why that should be avoided, I was going to keep on doing them anyway?  Well yesterday I was looking for an article to post about the "Ladies' Holiday" -- an excuse to take 3 days off because you're bleeding.  I never observed it before, I thought it was sexist.  And besides, I'm not a baby.  I can handle it, shooooooot.  

While reading different articles, though, I happened upon one that said that doing inversions while menstruating could lead to irregular bleeding.  Hmmmm.  This caught my interest, since that is the very issue I have been having.  I assumed it was the maca, but everything I've read about maca states the opposite -- maca helps REGULATE these problems, it shouldn't CAUSE them.  So what, then, is the cause?  This may not be the only answer.  It doesn't account for the new symptoms of breast tenderness and hot flashes.  That could just be age, who knows.  And to be honest, I never HAVE been regular.  I know that.  It just seems worse over the past year than it has ever been, and the only differences are maca and yoga.  Sooooo we'll try this new thing, where I attempt to completely embrace Ashtanga and its schedule.  Maybe not in bed by 10 and up before dawn like last year, though.  Things are different now.

Anyway, I also read that Vata doshas are just not very regular in general.  For anything.  That makes a lot of sense, because my mood, sleep schedule, period, bowel movements (hahahaha TMI) are ALL irregular.  

Oh.  Oh my god.  I think I need a blood transfusion.  I know you don't want to hear about this, but I'm so tired of ruining clothes.  It doesn't matter WHAT I use -- organic super plus tampons, I'll soak through.  Menstrual cups, I'll overflow.  Not always.  I actually read that each month you alternate ovaries, which would make a lot of sense because I seem to alternate normal periods with the horror shows like I'm experiencing now.  How am I even alive right now, where is it all coming from??????  

I have too many things to think about right now.  I'm trying so hard to stay in the moment but there is so much.  Tristan school.  My car.  Rent.  My ticket.  Daycare.  Tristan mental health.  Where I'm going to work.  My car.  Where I'm going to live.  

Yesterday, I drank a Starbucks double shot and a 5 hour energy along with my usual cups of coffee and found myself sweating and short of breath after my last break.  I very nearly had a panic attack.  Thank goodness Joth reminded me of the 4-7-8 breath.  Heard of it?  You inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8.  It was the only thing that worked, except when I was driving I couldn't really focus well enough to count and almost lost my mind again.  My chest was hurting.  I was losing my connection with reality.  I had to give myself a pep talk -- stay with me, Christine.  Everything is okay.  Focus.  Think about good things.

Tristan's friend was murdered yesterday too so that's been rough.  I was so sad dropping him off for no good reason, other than the advent of my period and to be honest who really needs any other reason, right?  But I saw all these dead animals on the road, and for some reason it just gripped my heart.  Roadkill was making me inordinately sad and I didn't know why.  The first was this family of white ducks that I had seen walking the day before, then yesterday I saw them dead.  I was sad because I was sure someone had to have done it intentionally.  How could you?  Why would you?  It just HURT.

Then, I got to his dad's trailer park as a police car was pulling in and saw all these fire trucks.  A trailer was on fire, it was Tristan's friend Cory's trailer.  No one was concerned at the time because they didn't think anyone was home.  I found out later that the kids had never made it to school and they were both in the trailer when it happened, along with their mother, and no one made it out alive.  The father is being investigated on homicide charges.  So, so, so sad.  Tristan wants to go to the funeral and I guess I'll let him, it's his choice.  I'm just concerned as to how it will affect him.  He seems like he's doing fine.  Maybe he doesn't fully grasp it...or, more likely, he does.  I don't want to disrespect the lives left behind, but death is just another transition.  I know, I know -- easy to say when it's someone else's children.  Would I be so calm if it were my own?  I think we all know the answer to that.