Maca

So, I read this article about a year ago which I am currently unable to locate to link for you.  Anyway, this was about the onset of my rabid yoga obsession.  The article stated that the author's top 3 must-have supplements for a great yoga practice were maca, spirulina, and ashwagandha.  So, without question, I ordered them through the food co-op.  Speaking of that, I haven't ordered any food from there in a while.  I ran out of chia seeds and there are a few other supplements I want to try.

Sometimes the universe leads us to just the things we need at just the right time.  I had already made the decision not to go back on medication.  Upon further research of ashwagandha, it is amazing for a billion things that I specifically need help with.  Anxiety, panic attacks, energy, focus, mood swings, stamina, insomnia.  I know that it sounds weird that one herb can be useful for both insomnia and energy, right?  That's what makes it so wonderful.  It tastes horrible, but it's an adaptogen -- making it exceedingly useful.  It will do what you need it to do and help balance you.  Kind of like nature's mood stabilizer, eh?  So, nothing bad to say about ashwagandha except that it tastes awful.  

Moving on to maca, because that's what this entry is titled, after all.  So, maca is supposed to be good for regulating hormones.  It's another adaptogen, focusing on hormonal issues like your period, your complexion, hot flashes, mood swings, whatever.  Except that honestly, I think it messes with my period!  Do you remember in July when I had to go to the doctor because my period was all messed up?  I bled for a week, maybe longer.  Was done for four days and then started right up again and had another period.  Then I skipped one.  I got tested for STD's, got blood work done, got a PAP...everything was fine, said the doctor.  

Well, my period is LATE.  Of course, if this blog is any testament, that truly happens more often than not.  In fact, if it was ever "on time", I'd consider that early since it always comes "late".  If it's late all the time, I think that means that I just have a long cycle.  But anyway, I know it's coming.  I broke out, I have the wicked witch temperament, my boobs hurt, and I can't stop eating.  And now, a new symptom to add to the list -- hot flashes.  

Oh my god, are you serious?  I'm only THIRTY TWO.  What is going ON with me????  The only thing I can think is that having the maca in my smoothies every day is messing things up.  Now, I really don't want to stop taking it.  It has so many benefits, and the issues I'm having are the exact issues that it is supposed to REMEDY.  Should I be more consistent, making sure not to skip days?  Should I put less in my smoothie?  I don't know.

So, I'm keeping Tristan home this week.  He has an appointment with community mental health on Friday and we will go from there.  Also, that's when I will be able to get that document from the court so we can start the process of getting him on my insurance.  Asia/Sarah/Freebird/Purple Petunia (I'll just call her Asia moving forward because that's what I met her as) gave me some info about this thing called Neurocore.  They have a center near here, and it's a non-medication approach to ADD.  It sounds SO AWESOME!  It's not just for ADD, either.  I may even want to try it at some point.  

At first, when I saw the cost, I felt a bit deflated.  It's $2,200.  That's a lot.  The breakdown, though, is $250 for the diagnostic assessment and like $65/session.  If I could pay per session, I know I could swing it.  Also, I talked to them today and they said that once Tristan is on my insurance, they can do an insurance check because they are considered an in-network provider for my insurance carrier so some of it may be covered.  If it is meant to be, I will find a way.  I am so grateful that all of the solutions are appearing!

I honestly don't know what will happen in the future.  I'm madly in love with Joth and he's the only one who has fought to be with me even after seeing the side of me that drives most others away, family included.  I know that I have something very special with him, and being with him is so illuminating and healing.  That doesn't mean it's easy.  This relationship brings forth all of the wounds that need to be healed.  The thing is, though, once those have finally been laid to rest, I sense a dawning of a brand new life, full of possibilities, unhampered by any old weight bringing me down.

I had this dream the other night that I was moving out of an old, dark, dusty attic.  The place was FILTHY.  I was moving in with Joth so I came to grab what I needed and clean up.  I spent a long time sweeping, scooping kitty litter, and throwing away old trash that I had been holding onto.  I remember looking at that trash, thinking, "Why did I ever think I needed to hold onto that stuff?  Thank goodness I'm not poor now, and I can finally get rid of it."  There was a meditation room/ritual space that had become filled and cluttered with this trash (not like rotting food  trash, but old plastic containers, plastic bags, boxes, things I thought I might need one day).  There were a few plaques with spiritual quotes on them hanging on the wall.  Those were nice.  I thought to myself that Joth would like those too, so I grabbed them and left the attic.  When I walked out, it was night, and I saw a bunch of crystals strewn upon the walk.  I remember lots of opals.  Also, malachite.  Quartz pyramids (small ones), and small selenite towers.  I felt guilty putting them in my pockets, but I asked everyone around me to see who had dropped them, and no one claimed them.

On the heels of the hiding in the attic dream of terror I had on Thursday night, I think this means good things.  I'm excited to see what comes next in life, and as always, am immensely grateful for every experience and every single moment.