Today's goddess serves a couple purposes. First, I have officially hit a depression. The manic episode lasted a long time, though, right? I mean, like two months! At least it felt like it. I almost thought I was never coming down again. That would have been nice...but alas, it wasn't the case.
I don't know how much of this is mental, how much is biochemical, and how much is spiritual. The reason I wonder is because this shift into depression happened directly after my reiki attunement. Karen warned us that we may experience a "healing response" -- that things may get worse before they get better, old pain may surface in order to give us the opportunity to work through it. I'm just not really sure how I'm supposed to work through this. I feel flat. Blahhh. I haven't woken up early for yoga since Friday morning (since I take Saturdays off anyway). I'm still doing it, just not at 5:15 like I was.
Anyway, Lupe is the goddess of pain and distress. She is one of the sister goddesses the Algea, daughters of Eris. They were the bringers of weeping and tears. But the other reason I chose Lupe is because, hello -- she's a wolf goddess. And what is the book club reading right now? Women Who Run With the Wolves: Mythes and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. !!! Our first meeting is Sunday and I'm verrrrrrrry excited. Well, as excited as I can be with barely any emotion to speak of.
The thing is, though, although this is a "low" -- it's not BAD. I can handle it. I still feel optimistic, I just don't have as much energy as before. I'm not so bubbly and high-strung, but I'm not necessarily UNHAPPY. I just don't feel as intensely -- not anything, not joy OR rage. So I wouldn't say that I went from positive to negative. I would just say the intensity dial of my life force was just turned down a bit. And maybe this is necessary to allow me to slow down and do some inner work. I will be grateful for it.
And to be honest, my "high" was about to get me in trouble. Perhaps it was time for it to end. I was texting like 4 guys and I was really thisclose to breaking my self-imposed temporary celibacy. The next time I have sex, I really want it to mean something. I want it to have been something worth waiting for. And waiting, I have been doing!
I started talking to that one crazy guy, the one who calls me Florecita (which I kind of like) and tells me he loves me (which I really hate). I could have sex with him, but my senses tell me I really need to not open that door. Then I'm talking to this other guy, but it's nothing serious. He's sexy....REALLY fine...but he's young and immature (like 26!) and we have really nothing in common besides attraction. THEN I'm also talking to this guy Hector, who is actually pretty cool. I actually like him.
We were supposed to go out last night, but I totally cancelled on him. It was only because I didn't have any money and I'm not the type of girl who just assumes the guy is going to pay. I mean, if he does, that's fine. But why would I go out without any money like I EXPECT him to pay? Hello, I'm an independent woman. I don't need to be taken care of. Anyway, I didn't tell him that, I just said I wasn't quite ready. And maybe I wasn't!
Oh, but I have a funny story. Remember I was talking about the new guy at work? I've been staring him down like I was a hungry lion and he was a juicy steak...hahaha. I totally did eyefuck him, a couple times. Well anyway, I was talking to Krissi about him and I found out he's only 20!! What!!! So the next time he walked by my desk, kind of sloooooow like, I just looked the other way. Nope. Damn it, though.
Okay well it's 8:48 and I AM going to get my yoga done. Peace!
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