Oshun

This is the river goddess Oshun.  I think of her as the African version of Aphrodite.  According to the website I got her picture from, she "had many relationships with the male orishas.  These included Chango, Orula, Ogun, Inle, Agallu, and Asojano.  With her sensual and sexual ways, Oshun would conquer any man or obstacle that laid in her way.  This orisha is not or was not a whore, it is that Oshun loved to take what she wanted and if by having a relationship with a man was one of them, then she would get what she wanted."

I identify with this.  A woman who enjoys her sexuality is given many labels, and I think I'm as familiar with those as a woman can be.  But those are not my labels and they do not define me.  The perceptions others have of me are not my reality.  If someone eats whenever he or she is hungry, others may label him or her as a pig.  If someone indulges in drugs or alcohol when the fancy strikes, he or she may be called an addict.  

Of course, I think the key is moderation.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying earthly pleasures, after all we were given senses for a reason and we should celebrate these gifts of life.  It's not how MUCH you do, or how OFTEN you do it.  It's all the intent behind your actions, what is driving you to do it, and only you can know the answer as to whether it's excess or not.  

If you are doing drugs because you feel like you NEED to, you are trying to fill a hole, you are looking for them to give you something that you are lacking, then this behavior is reckless.  But if you're already at a good place in life, mentally and emotionally healthy, and you make the choice to expand your consciousness or tap into your inner bliss with the assistance of mind-altering substances, I think that's okay.  We are meant to have a wide range of experiences.  I think the key is just to not depend on them.

I don't think having sex is wrong.  I don't think having multiple partners is wrong.  What made MY past pattern of sexuality wrong was that I was using it to feel human connection.  I was using it to soothe loneliness.  I could not feel worthy or lovable without some physical confirmation that I was desirable.  And so for that reason, because I did not enter into the experience already whole and fulfilled, my behavior was unhealthy.  For me.

Anyway, I was supposed to have a date with Hector (I know, I know) on Saturday and I totally planned on sleeping with him.  It was guaranteed to happen.  But then Thursday night he lied to me and I never talked to him again.  I think it was really just an excuse on my part, I don't think I actually want to get close to anyone.  As soon as a person lies to me, they're done -- Emmanuel, when he lied to me about Juanita.  DONE.  Randy, when he lied to me about Krissi.  DONE.  Hector, when he lied to me about not getting my text (we both have iPhones so I knew exactly what time he had read it).  DONE DONE DONE.  

I know it sounds petty.  But if you're going to lie to me about something stupid and little right away, I'm moving on.  I was talking to one guy on the dating site and his profile said he was an Aries, but when he told me his birthday I realized he was really a Taurus, which means he put the wrong birthday on his profile.  Why???  Why lie?  DONE.

Anyway, yesterday was a new moon and I had a nice little ritual on my own.  I just got a new round tarot deck called the Circle of Life Tarot (it's gorgeous!!!) so I smudged it, reiki-d it, lit some candles and incense, and sat in reverence for a few moments before doing a reading for myself.  I felt the reiki in my palms AND feet.  I felt at peace.  It was a very nice way to reset.

Thursday is Beltane and I am celebrating with the sister circle, I am so excited!  I still have the little egg that I wrote my intentions on for Ostara, and I'm pretty much just affirming the same intentions.  I got in touch with a girl on Facebook who lives near my daughter about getting involved in a community garden she is starting.  I'm so excited!  I'm so happy!  I'm so blessed!!!  

Between my kids, the job, the sister circle, the reiki, the sabbats and esbats, the book club, the community garden, the yoga, better family relationships, the shamanic journey group, and my unstoppable fierce determination to forge ahead no matter the obstacles...I am on FIRE.  This was definitely reflected in my reading last night, which included Strength, the Queen AND the Knave of Wands (fire), and the 7 of Wands.