Isis! BAM! Man, there are soooooo many goddesses. This is a good idea, it will last for a long time!
So, I'm manic right now. I have noticed something about my mania, and I feel like in a spiritual sense, it is a gift. The way I feel when I'm manic is that I'm more tuned in to the universal life force. Like, that force...that chi...that prana...the vibrant electric current of energy...it just flows through me, pouring through my crown chakra like a waterfall, energizing every cell, stimulating my mind and invigorating my heart. I feel like the top of my head has been cut open and the golden rays of spirit are shining directly on to my inner core, soaking me thoroughly. I am more articulate, more sexually responsive, more creative, more friendly, more insightful.
I know this sounds crazy, but I don't think bipolar is a disease or a handicap. I believe it is a gift, just a state of being more receptive to connection with source. That mania is an opening of the portal...and depression, by contrast, is a tightening shut. No light peeks in, the flowers inside wither and die, no energy gets the body moving, it is in a state of stasis. Then the portal opens, the light gets in, and things begin to blossom like crazy. I think there must be a way for every person to control this. How maddening, to feel so close to the divine one moment...and hopelessly exiled to the most barren lifeless nothing the next.
People who don't understand the "disease" try to explain it. They make a list of symptoms and call you crazy. How do they know we're crazy? Maybe we're crazy to people who don't feel this way, but maybe there's nothing wrong with this. And how would they know? I have always wondered about "insanity" since I was a little girl. I always had this idea that maybe they just see things we can't, hear things we don't, and we assume they're crazy and lock them up when really we're just not perceptive to the things they're picking up on. How would we know whether those things are real? Who defines reality? How much of reality do we not yet understand? What if they're just tuned in to something we have no access to, and therefore no understanding of?
I hear voices. And I don't think I'm crazy. I only hear them when I'm "manic", which to me is a time when the veil for me between this world and the astral plane are thinnest. They don't tell me to kill people or set buildings on fire. Sometimes they are just talking, sometimes they give comforting advice. Sometimes I hear music. How can you tell me the music isn't there? How do you know? That's like a blind man telling me there is no such thing as the color blue.
Anyway, it's coming up to a full moon -- and a lunar eclipse, at that. A powerful time. Last night it was like my brain was continually downloading information and wisdom. I wanted to write it all down, much of it was quickly lost. Not lost, but integrated into me. Like, I absorbed the knowledge. But I could not repeat it. I could not pass it on. I could not explain what I understood. I was lying awake stressing over this whole thing with Tristan, and I clearly heard a voice and it gave me the best advice. I was instantly comforted and at ease. But I started to drift to sleep and I fought to stay awake so I wouldn't forget what I had heard. I repeated it to myself several times, but upon awakening, I couldn't recall what had been said. The feeling of peace, however, remained with me.
Okay so now that I sound totally insane...yoga is going so well. Now that I'm getting the rhythm, falling into the groove, it's so beautifully expressive. It's like a dance. It's poetry in motion. I almost feel addicted to it, like I have to force myself to take my Saturdays off. I feel out of sorts. I read somewhere, though, that the purpose of taking Saturdays off is to prevent attachment to the practice. Well, of course I'm attached to it! But, I get the point. Tomorrow is a moon day, being the full moon, so I'm going to do yoga tonight and take tomorrow off.
Speaking of, it's time for me to hit the mat. Adios!
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