In honor of my latest tropical obsession, coconut oil, I decided to choose a goddess of Hawaii -- Pele. Behold. :)
So, here's the crazy thing. Actually, two crazy things -- a bit of foreshadowing which occurred in my life about 5 years ago. At that time, my life was COMPLETELY different. I had just left Tristan's dad. I stayed in a domestic violence shelter in Hastings and then got a cute little one bedroom attic apartment right there in town. I was on cash assistance, food stamps, and section 8. I did not drive. Not only had I sold my car to pay for an abortion, but I was so far behind in child support that my license was suspended anyway.
This was my first opportunity to actually get to know myself. Previously, I had always lived for someone else. I wasn't CHRISTINE, I was (insert name here)'s girlfriend. I didn't do things, WE did. I liked whatever he liked. I rearranged my life to accommodate whoever I was with. Whomever? Whatever. Anyway.
It wasn't until this time that I suddenly and startlingly realized that I didn't even know who I was. I didn't even know what I liked! To put it in perspective, I went from my parents' house to Brian's house to my own apartment while I dated the guy I had cheated on Brian with which Tristan's dad then moved into after I met him. We then lived together until I left him. When had I ever spent time by myself? All this time, I had expended so much energy trying to be whatever (insert name here) wanted me to be that I had never once stopped to ask myself who I really was.
So, at this apartment by myself in Hastings, I finally discovered that my favorite scent was coconut. I realized that I was enamored with it. I had coconut scented body wash, deodorant, bath salts, candles, and incense. I couldn't get enough. That was one of the first things I remember learning about who I was independent of any relationship. Around that same time, I joined a dating site. This was long before I really got much into Eastern philosophy like I am now. But for some reason, the name I chose as a handle on that site was LotusBlossom. Yeah...for real.
Now look, Sienna was delivered by a Crowning Lotus doula, I am all about the yoga lifestyle and Eastern philosophy, and have become obsessed with coconut oil due to the fact that it can pretty much do anything and is totally kick-ass. I mean, seriously. I made toothpaste with it. I put it in my hair and on my body. I used it instead of butter in the kids' macaroni and cheese, greased the pan with it that I made Tristan's pancake in, and made THE BEST grilled cheese EVER by spreading it on the bread instead of butter. I feel like I was always heading toward this.
I mean, I also think about how, three months before Dwight and I split up, I went to Shipsy with my mom, grandma, aunt, sister, and (girl) cousins. This was...3 years ago. My mom offered to buy me something from one of the vendors as a birthday gift, and for some reason I was drawn to the necklace I still wear today -- the Hindu OM symbol made of water buffalo bone. Again, I still didn't know much -- I probably STILL don't know much, but I wasn't actively pursuing that path like I am now.
Then...one year ago, after I had Sienna. That's when I met Sue, the counselor/yoga instructor. The woman who taught me meditations, mudras, mindfulness. (Oooh, alliteration...) She is the one who said that if I developed a relationship with yoga by practicing daily, it would help me break free from the thinking that I needed a relationship with Noe. I mean, seriously??!! It's like, every two years something happens that pushes me closer to where I'm supposed to be. It's really cool, actually. And this is not at all what I intended to write about, but this is what it is. Good day!
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