Nonsense

It will be interesting to see how this entry turns out.  On one hand, I am BEAT.  On the other, I am so super manic.  I think this day gave my brain a run for its money, though.  I worked from 8:30 am to 8:30 pm, and it was non stop back to back calls the ENTIRE time.  I could barely recoup during my breaks, and then it was back into the war zone.  I talked for like eleven total hours today.  Just talking, talking, talking.  

Plus, I woke up at 3:33 this morning and never fell asleep after.  I finally gave up on that and got out of bed at 5 and did yoga.  I'm too lazy to care about appropriate paragraph breaks, punctuation, and grammar FYI.  Not lazy.  EXHAUSTED.  But not.  I'm not tired.  Oh I SHOULD be.  If I would like to have a prayer of making it through another grueling 12 hour shift, I NEED to get some rest.  I'm just not entirely sure how well that's going to work.

So, practical updates/concerns that I have not updated in a while.  1, migraines.  Yes, I am so sorry  to report that I have begun getting a tremendous amount of headaches this year.  I have never been a headache person.  My mom gets migraines, but that's never been me.  Once I developed a caffeine addiction, I occasionally would get a withdrawal headache.  These are different, though.  The first one happened at work.  I had to talk to my customers with my eyes closed because the light from the computer screen hurt my eyes.  I could hear  every sound amplified by a LOT, and the normal ones were so loud they hurt.  I was hearing things that I think normal humans don't notice.  I threw up.  When it was finally over, I rejoiced -- to my dismay, that was only the beginning. 

Most of them have not progressed to that full-blown stage.  But you could say that now during mania I have pretty much a constant headache, which robs a LOT of the joy from the euphoric experience.  Talk about a wet blanket.  SHEESH.  These migraines are PARTY POOPERS.  Who the hell invited them anyway.  As Joth pointed out, though, maybe this is a sign that the party is over.  The cops have showed up, time to shut it down.  Awwww RATS.  All good things...

I'm going to alternate.  Bad,  good, bad, good.  Well these qualities are subjective and everything is everything and blah blah blah.  I know.  But UPLIFTING news is that everything seems to be going great between Joth and I.  Like, super amazing.  Plus, we were throwing around ideas and daydreaming about someday opening a wellness center and I was all like, yeah, cool but didn't actually envision my life with the possibility.  

Oh, I did so BAD when that corner store went up for sale here in Wayland.  I imagined like crazy.  I wanted it so bad I could taste it -- a place for yoga, reiki, meditation circles, crystals and books and tea and conscious people.  I could smell the sage.  I came to terms with the realization that I would never push myself to do something like that.  I could want it, but without any action, I would never have it.  So I let go of that dream because I was far too uncomfortable to take any action toward it.  The risk was too high and I was afraid of failing.  But THIS is what calls to my SOUL!  My heart CRAVES an environment where metaphysical and healing arts can be learned, shared, and taught.  Where like-minded people can gather and grow.  Where my talents are useful and my interests are capitalized.  Well, capitalism.  But you know.

Sheeeeeeesh the words are NOT making it from my brain onto this page very well.  The mental faculties are humming along, but somewhere we lost connection between the brain and the fingers.  No, that's not even it.  My brain is physical.  It IS slowing down.  But the energy flowing INTO it is not.  What I am thinking with now is not even my brain.  My brain is trying to sleep.  I am thinking with my spirit brain.  But I can't translate the thoughts into coherent English because  that requires  the cooperation of my body brain.  And THAT brain is TIRED.

This must sound like so much nonsense rambling.  Tristan's counselor has not called me back.  I have left him two messages, this is so WEIRD.  I almost feel like he's avoiding me or blowing me off, but WHY?  We had an appointment Thursday, which he left a message around noon cancelling.  But the message was odd because he didn't say anything about rescheduling.  He just said he was home sick and he needed to cancel our 6:15 appointment.  Okay bye.  Huh???  This right on the heels of Tristan's CPS interview at Safe Harbor.  They (CPS) have mandated that Tristan have some special counseling, so I was trying to call Tom to get a referral for  that and fill him in.  Why won't he call me back?????  

It's a full moon tomorrow.  Oh!  That's what I was going to talk about!  Did you SEE my horoscope?  Isn't it weird how I was wondering how I could be dedicated to my practice and committed to my relationship, wondering whether it was either/or, etc?  My horoscope hit that right ON the head.  At that moment, it dawned on me exactly what I need to do.  When you are seeking an answer, the universe will provide it in any manner of ways.  Your horoscope.  A song on the radio.  A squirrel crossing your path.  You just need to wake up and pay attention.  Anyway my horoscope said that we Geminis need to balance our need for independence with our commitment to a serious relationship, and that it doesn't have to be either/or, but the part that spoke to me most was that we need to show up for other people in the way that they show up for us.

If we expect someone to dive into the deep end with us, how dare we stand here with one toe touching shore?  Oh my gosh my eyes.  My brain.  I hope I didn't have anything else to try to  talk about because this just isn't working.