Christine

Yeah, that's right!  I'M a goddess!  What?  Hahahaha.

No, but seriously.  I'm feeling pretty awesome right now!  I got my Reiki 2 attunement yesterday and I feel amaaaaazing.  I'm a person who's going to tell it like it is -- if I felt it, I felt it.  If it didn't work, meh.  I admit that too, no matter how much I wish it did.  

It was strange because my first attunement felt pretty uneventful (until afterward).  I had no visuals in my meditation.  I didn't really feel the energy, either from others to me or from me to others.  I felt like a dud.  Afterward, though, things were intense -- I had intense dreams, night sweats, and I went through a period of upheaval and a slight emotional crisis.  This time, though, I noticed something different even BEFORE the attunement. 

First of all, I was a completely different person showing up for Reiki 2 than I was just a month ago for Reiki 1.  That day, I was TERRIFIED.  I was scared of everyone, unsure of myself, awkward and uncomfortable.  It was hard for me to hold conversations with people.  It was painful for me to interact.  I really so desperately wanted to crawl into a shell and just disappear.  I just didn't feel GOOD ENOUGH.  I didn't want these people to "see" me, because I felt that if they did, they would see my flaws and judge me unworthy.

This time, I was still a bit more shy, but I felt OPEN.  Conversation didn't feel forced and clumsy.  I didn't chastise myself after everything I said for how stupid it must have sounded.  I just felt at ease, and at home.  I felt like a part of things rather than some misfit outsider.  I realized I belonged.  It was only then that I realized how much of a shift has occurred in me since my first attunement.  Then, Karen guided us in a meditation.  The feelings were so much more powerful, I was taken aback!  I didn't have to imagine feeling a certain way, or convince myself that something was happening.  

The most astounding part was when she told us that our reiki guide would step forward.  I was waiting for it to just happen, expecting it not to.  Things like that don't usually just spontaneously appear in my mind, I always feel like I have to pretend.  But I wanted my experience to be authentic, so I told myself that it would either happen on its own or not at all.  Then suddenly, completely unexpectedly, a bright purple symbol flashed in my inner vision.  It startled me so much that I gasped.  Before I had time to try to figure out what I had seen, she stepped forward.  I really felt her presence.  To be honest with you, though, I don't know who it was.  I thought at the time that it was Bast.  For some reason, I couldn't really see her face but I got a feline energy and I knew it was an elegant cat-like goddess of some sort.  Down to earth but regal.  Now that I think about it, kind of like me.  Kind of like a cat -- seemingly aloof and standoffish, but really full of love and affection.  Independent, but loving.  Guarded but gentle.

Anyway, the whole day was amazing.  Everything felt great, we learned about empowering crystals, and I really felt my self-confidence.  I came home and looked at my vision board and was startled to see that since I made it in January, most of the goals have been getting completed.  In the upper left hand corner, I had "Learn Reiki".  Well look.  In the middle, "Vegetarian Cooking" -- Janessa just dropped off a vegetarian cookbook like 5 days ago.  There was a picture of the sister circle and another picture of a stone that said "Friendship" -- the sister circle has been revived and Shauna just at the last new moon made the declaration that we were getting started back up with sabbats and esbats -- and children are now welcome!  A picture of tea, and I have been drinking more.  Establish healthy habits -- my house is full of healthy things, and I quit smoking, and I hardly drink.  Pictures of yoga, I established a regular committed yoga practice.  Lots of pictures of being a good mom, and having more time with my kids.  It. Is. All. HAPPENING!  I'm really amazed and frankly a little creeped out.  But I LOVE it.  Oh yeah!  And there was a picture of a crystal grid, and guess what we're learning to do in the reiki master class?  Yeah, that's right!!!

I am on day 4 of the 30 day green smoothie challenge.  I've been using various combinations of almond milk, blueberries, bananas, coconut oil, hemp seed oil, hemp protein, maca, spirulina, ashwagandha, coffee (bad idea), agave syrup, and chia seeds.  I love how great I feel.  The first day smoothie was positively AWFUL though -- I learned to cut down the amount of spirulina and add a little agave syrup.  MMMMM this journey of health is a very fulfilling one.  I love my life!!!!