Oizys

Good afternoon, loves.  I chose Oizys today...ever heard of her?  Neither had I.  I googled, "Goddess of anxiety" and this is what I got.  Here is the description:

As the sister of the many of the dark gods of death, night and the Underworld, Oizys personified distress, misery, anxiety, wretchedness and worry. Oizys represented great unhappiness in mortals encompassing extreme pain of the body or the mind. She was strongly associated with calamity and misfortune. She was the twin sister of Momus, the ancient Greek god of blame, censure and criticism.

Now, I do realize that a healing crisis is less likely to occur after the Reiki Master attunement, which I just had on Saturday.  This crisis, though, I believe was in the works already...started in lovely Mercury retrograde, when old wounds resurface and old habits rear their ugly heads.  That is when I danced to close to the flame that was Ramiro.  My heartsickness is over, but another sickness has begun...and I'm filled with fear and dread.  

I'm probably thinking too much about this.  I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am filled with anxiety.  I am honestly convinced that I will either leave the office knowing that I am either pregnant, or have cancer.  What else could be going on with my body?  But I don't understand!!  My period ended FRIDAY.  I had sex SUNDAY.  That's too early to be ovulating!  I started feeling fatigued WEDNESDAY.  Red blood (just spotting) THURSDAY and FRIDAY, then brown yesterday, and gone today.  Sorry for the TMI.  I'm honestly not really ashamed anymore to talk about my period but I'm sure you don't feel like reading about it.  

Why is this happening?  What if I am pregnant?  What if I have cervical cancer?  I am honestly so worried that I am shaking.  My heart is beating like a drum and I can barely catch my breath.  I guess I'll keep you posted.  

As far as the Reiki Master attunement, well duh, it was awesome.  I truly feel like a different woman than I was when I came to the first class.  All of my doubt is gone.  I can feel the energy, there is no doubt.  We set up a crystal grid and I waved my hand over it, amazed at  the palpable energy I could actually feel.  This was no trick of the imagination or seeing what I wanted.  This was 100% real.  I had more visuals while I was meditating.  This is all so exciting!  A door into a new world of possibilities has opened up to me.

The frustrating part is, other people will think I am crazy.  Or they won't believe me.  I doubted, too!  It's one of those things that you have to experience, and if you don't, you can just write it off as fantasy or mental illness.  It's not.  This is REAL.  And I am like, wow.  I can't wait to spread reiki all over!!!  I'm totally sold.  :)

We learned how to set up crystal grids, psychic surgery, and giving healing attunements.  Also, we received another 3rd eye activation -- the final one.  I felt that too.  While I was receiving my attunement, I felt the energy in the air around me.  I felt it rush up through my body.  I could feel the energy of the symbols we placed under our chairs like a current.  I will never think of symbols, or words, or even THOUGHTS in the same way again -- who ever could have guessed they held so much power?  We throw words around like they're nothing.  We doodle symbols and wear them and display them without a second thought to their meaning or intention.  We are so careless with our thoughts, as if they could never affect our reality.  

We are made of energy.  Everything in the world is made of energy.  Our thoughts and words are energy -- of COURSE they are powerful!  But how to communicate this to "muggles"?  Hahaha, sorry to steal a Harry Potter reference.  How do you convey this new knowledge without being thought a wack-job?  I guess you don't.  I guess you just live it.  My whole world has changed.  I am operating from a completely different level of understanding from the people I interact with in my daily life, and it can get lonely.  I am so glad I have my sistars, and my reiki soul family.  Without them, I would feel so lost.  

Honestly, I can't write anymore.  My head is so full of ideas, but my heart is sick with worry.  I know that nothing can be done right now, so why worry?  Why?  But how to stop...I don't know.