I am sweaty. And stinky. But I feel DAMN good! It's been a little bit of a challenge over the last few days maintaining my momentum. I'm on, then off, and can't quite stay on track. I keep redirecting myself, though, every time I get distracted. That has to count for something. I got weighed at the doctor's office last week, though, and I weigh 123 lbs! That's what I weighed when I got pregnant for Sienna, so I have officially lost all of my baby weight. Yeahhhhhh!!! Thank you, yoga.
I'm just amazed that something I enjoy so much could be so effective. I honestly thought that in order to achieve weight loss, the only option was busting your ass running miles and kickboxing and plyometrics and all that other crazy shit my mom does. It is not so, my friend. I have worked a zillion times harder and seen nowhere near the results I see now. It's a bit puzzling, but I think I have part of it figured out.
It isn't just the physical aspect of yoga, it's not that I'm burning so many calories. It is the awareness I have cultivated, which reaches to all other aspects of my life. Things change that I have made no conscious decision to change. It's like there's a program running in the background, silent and unnoticed. It's not until I step back and take stock of my life that I'm shocked to realize that I don't eat fast food anymore, or smoke. That I haven't had a sip of alcohol since May 2nd, and have had two puffs of marijuana in the past year. That was never a big problem for me anyway, but no other drugs either. I can't remember the last time I drank pop or made kool-aid for the kids. Even more shocking, there is NO sugar in my house -- and I have no idea when I ran out! Woahhhhh. I'm getting there, baby. I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely on my way.
Yesterday was the new moon and I'm getting so frustrated with my job. My intention is out there. I am seeking a fulfilling career which provides for the physical needs of my children and myself while being in line with my divine purpose. I can not stand being a cog in the wheel. Did I tell you about the mandatory overtime? That was the last fucking straw. On Monday the 7th, a day I am supposed to pick up the kids around 5 or 5:30, I was just told I am REQUIRED to stay until 7pm. No input from me, no chance to object. What the hell, do they think they fucking OWN me? No. No. NO. The commission is NOT worth it.
I think that's why they think they can be such assholes to everyone -- they think they've got us by the balls because we make these nice commission checks. They know we can't go anywhere else and make the same amount of money. They know it, and they exploit it. It's not right. As a single mother, it really puts me in a quandary too. For example, my commission check next month is $1300. That's like a second JOB. It almost seems irresponsible to voluntarily choose a lower paying job. But how much is my family worth? My sanity? My freedom?????
Oh yeah so RAMIRO. Oooooh, I'm so angry with him right now. You remember what a bad state I was in. It was ridiculous, I cried over him and obsessed over him and blogged about him, I was just a mess. Finally, with a lot of time and perseverance on my part, I moved on. Oh, I'm so devastated when someone rejects me, but luckily I get over it quickly. IF they leave me alone. I get distracted and eventually forget what I was so sad about. UNLESS they remind me.
Yesterday he texted me out of the blue. I couldn't help it, my heart got all fluttery. I felt so excited and happy, I thought he was going to tell me he wanted to be with me. Want to hear something messed up though? When I was convinced that he was trying to get with me, suddenly I wondered if that was what I really wanted after all. It's no wonder people think I'm playing with them! Somehow, unintentionally, I AM! When they want me, I don't want them. Finally they give up and I want them so bad. When I convince them to change their mind and be with me, I don't want them anymore. WTF??? I think I need some serious counseling.
Anyway, I think he must have been drunk or playing with my emotions, because that's not what he wanted at all. I still have no idea why he texted me. He asked if I had forgotten him already, and I spilled my guts about how I cried over him for 3 days then I got on with my life and wished him nothing but happiness. Then he said he was sorry for making me cry and I said it was my own fault. Then that was it. Nothing further. What was the purpose of THAT??? Jerk!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment