Shakti

So today I chose Shakti, Hindu goddess of primal energy.  There is really some kind of awakening of primal energy happening to me right now.  If I may admit this privately here, I'm a little scared.  I mean, I know everything's under control.  I'm just a little awestruck.  That doesn't mean I want it to stop -- I just find my head swirling with questions, and I can't make sense of what is happening or why.  I love to analyze everything, my ego loves logical explanations, but in this case there is no rational response from anywhere to appease me.

I come across as a very open-minded person, right?  I WANT to be.  But really, I'm so skeptical!  Like when I went to go have a reading from Karen -- I expected some hocus-pocus, vague answers that anyone could have pulled from anywhere.  She astounded me with the things she knew and had no way of knowing, but inside me will always live that doubter.  I don't know why.  Is it fear?  

Anyway, the first night after my reiki 2 attunement, I took a short nap.  Like a micro-sleep.  Those happen to me quite often when I'm manic, and it's a very strange sleep I go into -- it's like SO deep, instantly, then it's over SO fast.  It really feels like a downloading session.  It's like I am aware of what's going on around my body, and I know that I'm lying in bed and can sense everything around me, but my mind goes somewhere else while still being conscious of this dimension.  It's super hard to explain but super weird.  Anyway, so that was happening and my palms were BURNING.  In the center of each palm, just on fire.  It hurt.  I said to myself, wow, I just can't doubt reiki anymore (because, despite WANTING to believe it worked, I really didn't).  

Then, last night, I had this crazy dream.  Again, part of me was there in my bed and knew what was going on around me.  The other part of me was experiencing this incredible powerful overwhelming SURGE of energy through my body.  It was so strong, I almost couldn't handle it.  It felt like I was really, really high and just out of control.  The energy kept rushing and it was so intense.  I was afraid.  I kept telling myself that reiki can never do any harm, and that I was safe.  I knew it would be over soon and I'd be back in my body, so I was just trying to hang in there until it ended.  I don't know what it means.  I had a similar experience when I was pregnant with Sienna, my spine felt electrocuted and I woke up vibrating.  My whole body was VIBRATING.  I was afraid then, and I'm a little...intrigued now.  I can't say afraid.  I'm not afraid.  I just don't understand it.

Anyway, that's that.  I am on day 8 of my 30 day green smoothie challenge, and I'm committed to daily yoga in June.  Hey, Peace Fest is just over a month away and I want to be looking my best.  After all, I'm going alone this year and you never know who I might meet.  

The green smoothies are good, I've been mixing and matching blueberries, bananas, kale, spinach, coconut or almond milk, coconut oil, hemp seed oil, chia seeds, agave syrup, maca powder, spirulina, ashwagandha, raspberries, strawberries, kiwi, and avocado.  I tried to cut up some mango to freeze but....fail.  I don't know how to cut a mango.  I tried to do it like an avocado -- go to the pit, go around the pit, and pull the two halves apart.  Yeah, I ended up with mango mush and juice running down my arms.  It was a disaster.  The first day it was so awful, I almost vomited.  I still felt nauseated when I got to work.  I had put way too much spirulina, and just a banana for fruit.  The second day I added blueberries and cut down the spirulina.  The third day I added agave syrup....muuuuuuuch better.

I also made these chia no-bakes, they were amazing!  They have coconut oil, peanut butter, cacao powder, oats, honey or agave syrup, vanilla, and chia seeds.  Tristan LOOOOVES them.  

I did ten hours of overtime this week (5 hours on each day off) so I haven't had a day off and won't get one until Tuesday.  That's okay, it's Wednesday now, and it's GOOD money.  I have to save up for my Reiki Master attunement, which is $325.  Also I sense some car repairs coming up along the way, so I had better be prepared for that.  Oh yeah, and my birthday is Saturday so you know what that means...happy birthday to me, I get to renew my plates.  It's all good, though!  My life flows with abundance.  Everything I need comes to me in the right way at the right time.  :)