Say wait a minute, Queen What's your name I be that gypsy Flippin' life game from the right brain Ascension maintained Rolling through like a burning flame...

I am getting closer and closer to being able to do the splits again!  I haven't been able to get all the way down since high school, but the yoga challenge the other day was yoga splits and after warming up I was able to get really close.  I can also now sit back on my heels, get into half lotus, lower to my forearms in backbend/wheel pose, and do crow pose.  (I know sitting back on your heels doesn't seem like a big deal, but it always hurt so bad for me -- the tops of my feet or my ankles or something needed to stretch)

So, it's the 18th.  I should really be wearing a warning label!  I got my period last month on the 6th.  It feels like I have been pms-ing for two weeks now, and still nothing.  My period is 12 days late, what the fuck??!!  I mean, I don't really care.  I know I couldn't be pregnant.  Wait, what if the Virgin Mary WAS a real story?  What if immaculate conception CAN happen?  What if it's happened to me?  No one would believe me!  I mean, I don't blame them.  I've had a lot of sex in my life...I'm sure they would assume I was lying.

I think my body may be reacting in some strange way to the circumstances I have not yet described.  Pay attention.  Open your ears.  This is BIG NEWS.

My sister is pregnant.  But wait...there's more....
Rachel is pregnant too!!!!!!!!  
It is the full moon now.  I honestly JUST WISHED for this very thing on the waxing moon...and now my wish has come true.  Granted, it wasn't the first time I'd wished for her to get pregnant.  I just want my baby back.  I knew the only way she'd let him go is if she had one of her own...she might still put up a fight, but somehow I feel like my chances are better now.  So, I'm happy!

But I still feel a little sad.  I know a lot of it has to do with hormones.  And the full moon.  I think part of it, though, comes from this aching place in me...this nerve that's just raw since I had Sienna, and both of my sisters being pregnant really touches it.  Of course losing her left a longing, a hole.  And naturally I have often felt like having another baby would ease that pain.  There have been plenty of times that I found myself yearning for the baby I don't have, which translated into thinking I wanted to get pregnant again.  I know I don't really.  I know I just miss her.  I know no one could replace her and having another baby just isn't in the cards for me right now.

Oh, but how my heart aches.