I haven't done yoga yet today, but today's lesson is headstands. Hahaha, we'll see how I do! So, I forgot to talk about a couple things yesterday. I guess I was just out of it. Was that yesterday? Well whatever day it was. Anyway, so I had a date. It was horrible.
So check this out, I meet this guy online. He looks good in his picture. He works out every day, has a four year old daughter, a good job -- currently working 16 hour days because he's single and he doesn't have anything else to do. He cooks. He cleans. (So it's not some mama's boy who doesn't know how to take care of himself expecting some woman to take care of him -- yeah I'm not doing THAT again).
So far, so good. He asked me out last Saturday, but I had plans with my sister after work. So he asked if we could meet up during my lunch hour, and I agreed. We decided to meet at Biggby on Alpine. I was excited. I made sure I looked pretty and even though I got offered the half hour lunch, I didn't take it. I drove to Biggby on my lunch. I walked in, and he was sitting there. Hmmm. He doesn't quite look like his picture, but that's okay. We start talking. I realize he hasn't brushed his teeth in probably a month. Gross.
Then we start talking about driving or something and he tells me these delightful tales of falling asleep at stop lights because he was so drunk or waking up in the morning not knowing how he got dents and scratches on his car. Oh, that's so funny. I mean, you might have KILLED somebody, but...hahaha! Still, though, I liked him a little. And when he turned his head a little and smiled...oh my god, those DIMPLES. Jesus, I'm such a sucker for dimples. Not like the dot ones, but, you know...like these:
So of course I agreed, because I'm a pushover. But I was pissed off. As we were driving I realized we were about to pass 4 mile, and that was the road I needed to get back to work. If I went out of my way, I'd be late. What to do? Be nice, and be late for work? Or be a bitch, and be on time? Hahaha. I pulled over and told him to get out. ;)
So that was that story. My second story is about yesterday. I was feeling quite industrious, as I'm manic right now and full of motivation. So, I went to pay on my fine at the court. Then, I went to Harvest Health to get some organic food. Oh my gosh, I totally packed Tristan a Tofurkey and cheese sandwich with Nayonnaise, an organic non-GMO granola bar, and an organic string cheese. SCORE!
After THAT...I went to Spirit Dreams to get the kids each a stone. I got Jewel an amethyst and I got Tristan a piece of jade. I also got a psychic reading from Karen.
Okay, so while I AM open minded, inside my secret heart-of-hearts I am skeptical about EVERYTHING. I believe in the POSSIBILITY of anything. However, I can't accept it as a reality unless I myself have seen PROOF. So, as far as psychics go, while I fully accepted that it was certainly possible for a person to be clairvoyant and speak to angels, I had never met anyone who had convinced me it was fact nor had I ever done it myself. The best I can do is tune in to people's feelings, and sense when they are lying. The thing is, though, if you can't prove they're lying they'll continue to deny it so to avoid any further awkwardness you pretend to believe them. So that's kind of a shitty skill to have.
Anyway, Karen proved it for me. I went in there just asking what I should do with my life. She told me she sees a clear horizon -- I had been struggling so long, in "victim mode", that now that I am coming into my own and self-reliant, I don't know what to do with it. Okay so this is all stuff she could have guessed, right? I'll concede that.
But then she started talking about my family. I had never said a word about them. She said most of my struggle was over, but I have one more hurdle to overcome and it has to do with my family. And she started talking about how they have always bailed me out and, while helping, also kind of devalued me by believing that I was a lost cause and could not make decisions. She said there are people in the family manipulating me, and making me doubt myself. She said my karmic bonds with my children are strong and that if I want to focus on parenting I have what it takes.
She told me a few things that really hit home. One was that I do not have to be perfect to be a good, loving parent for Tristan. The other is that I need to focus on RESPONDING instead of REACTING. She said she sensed a chemical imbalance, I explained I am bipolar and not on medication. She said the medication was making things worse for me and what I am doing now is working better -- which is true. I have been doing better these past two years off meds than I ever was on them. She did say that might be brought up as an issue and I can explain to them that I GOT this.
She suggested getting a third party involved, like a counselor. I texted Rachel and asked her about if she rescheduled that appointment we were supposed to go to with Tristan's counselor -- supposedly Friday at 2:30 was the latest she had, but "next time" they'll make sure it's later so I can come. Well, guess what, Rachel? I'm taking a floating holiday and I will BE there. :)
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