I am the love, I am the one, I am the mother daughter father and the son...

Breathe.  Breaaaaaaaaathe.  Shit, I'm fucking PISSED!!!  I had to log out from Facebook and turn off my phone.  That's how bad it is.  At least I should be proud of myself for recognizing that my anger was escalating and going incommunicado before blowing up at someone.  I need to process this.  This is my opportunity to learn better ways to deal with emotion.  I'm open here, guys!  I'm totally willing to handle this in the healthiest way possible.  But WHAT. Do. I. DO????

So, I already did yoga.  In fact, I signed up for YogaGlo, which is PERFECT for me.  It's $18/month and it's real yoga classes streaming through an internet device -- in my case, my iphone, which I then plug into the karaoke machine to display the video on my TV.  (Technology, right???)  :)  Anyway, being the introvert that I am, severely uncomfortable with eating and DEFINITELY working out in front of people, this is perfect for me.  Again, another terrible sentence.  I say I don't care, yet I keep pointing them out.  Yet I don't fix them.  Hmmm.

Yeah so I'm really manic right now.  My thoughts are everywhere and I couldn't even slow down while talking on the phone at work.  I feel like I drank 50 triple espressos.  I thought yoga would ground and center me, and for a moment it did.  But then I got very very angry and now I'm agitated again.

Am I overreacting?  I wonder, would a "normal" person in my shoes be angry?  Should I let it go?  Am I being petty?  I feel like this is a legitimate issue.  But I always have to second guess myself and ask if it's mental illness distorting reality into something not even worth being upset about?  Maybe you can help me.  Well you won't, but I'm going to talk about it anyway.  

I already put it out there that I intend to have Tristan full time when school ends.  And I already know full well, that's intuition speaking which has NOT been wrong yet (although my family likes to call it paranoia, but then again I was "paranoid" when I first let Tristan go to Blair and Rachel's and voiced concerns that they would try to take custody...hmmmmm...who has custody??!!!)  So anyway.  We're supposedly transitioning him back to live with me, which made me very happy at first.  But stupid things started to happen which make me angry.  They sound little, but they MATTER.

For example, Tristan stayed home sick from school on my day off.  The night before, Rachel had asked me if he could come over here while she was at work because Blair had a meeting.  I said of course, I'm his mom after all.  Well Tristan never came.  I texted Rachel, who claimed she was at work and had to text Blair (this was around 1:45), then texted me back and said his meeting had been cancelled so he and Tristan were just hanging out at "home".  First of all, thanks for letting me know!  Secondly, um, I'm MOM and I should take priority.  Third, who would Tristan rather spend time with?  Duhhhh.  No-brainer.  And FOURTH, when I did see Tristan, he informed me that Rachel and Blair had both stayed home from work that day.  Liar, liar, big fat panties on FIRE!!!

So maybe I'm being unreasonable.  I didn't say anything about it.  Water under the bridge, right?  So tonight.  Tonight I text Rachel asking her to have Tristan call me before bed.  She texts back saying she's out of town for work, Blair had gone over to my parents' house for dinner, and my mom had offered to take Tristan overnight.  Oh. My. GODDESS.  For one, tomorrow is a school day.  Secondly, I live ONE MINUTE away from his school.  Third, I have tomorrow off!  And fourth, no one bothered to fucking TELL me?  

So tell me.  Am I blowing things out of proportion?  I'm sick of these people playing house with my son.  I'm sick of people wanting to pretend I don't matter in his life.  I'm fucking MOM and I'm going to take these bitches to court and I don't give a FUCK who gets mad!!!!!!!  I've had ENOUGH!!!!!!!