Hi! Spring looks like it's finally getting ready to arrive...I'm so happy! I did end up getting some sleep last night. Unbelievably, I wasn't tired enough to sleep when I tried to at 8pm, even though I had been up since 12:30am. My brain was all confused though and my body was exhausted. I was good for nothing -- being awake was doing me no good, since I couldn't accomplish anything anyway.
So I drank some Nighty Night tea, which seemed to help. I got a sample in my Conscious Box last month and it seemed to work pretty well. I might buy some. A few people have also told me melatonin is helpful too.
So, I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'm EXCITED, don't get me wrong! I was poor for so long, that it took me a minute to realize that I'm not poor anymore. What prompted this was seeing that my commission check on Friday is $1,009.82. Yes, that's before taxes -- but last month it was $742 or something and my total check was $1169. (My paycheck is around 600 every two weeks after taxes, insurance, child support, and my 401k contribution) So this one should be around $1436. Shit! In two WEEKS I am making more than I did in two MONTHS at Velvet Touch. !!!
I have gone without so many things for so long, without ever bothering to really think about what I'd like to buy if I could afford it because....why? There's no point, when you can't afford it. I spent a lot of time learning to appreciate what I already had, realizing that sometimes less IS more, and finding out what was really important and necessary in life. But now it's like some floodgate has opened. With this dawning realization that I have money, my mind is suddenly flooded with all these things I could spend it on. It's making me sick.
I'm excited because I can finally afford to feed my family healthy, organic food. Let's face it, living well isn't always cheap. And sure, there may be ways to eat well on a budget and being poor is no excuse -- however when you throw in the fact that I completely lack any sort of financial planning skills whatsoever, saying that it would be a challenge for me is an understatement.
As I look around my apartment, though, my desires gain momentum and it's like a snowball effect. Making coffee, I realize I can start buying coconut sugar. Brushing my teeth, I decide I definitely need to get a 5 gallon bucket of coconut oil to make my own toothpaste and deodorant. And essential oils, how long have I gone without THOSE? And thinking of smelly things, I need more incense. Oh yeah, and my plug-ins need refills. (This draws my attention to the light socket near the floor, which is not vacuumed). Oh yes, and I'll buy a vacuum! Oh, and what about that couch? Am I going to buy a new one? I think I heard that Art Van will deliver...or I could reupholster it myself! I definitely need a new yoga mat, mine is too short. And yoga pants! I can get this tattoo covered up! I can get my hair done! And makeup...I really need some new makeup. Crafts, to do with the kids! Oh yeah and I can't forget a pencil sharpener so they can do their homework. Hmmm, I should probably buy some more notebooks too. They could use some new toothbrushes, oh and I can finally buy that shampoo I love!
This is, honestly, only 1/100th of what has been going through my mind. The tough thing is, there are MANY things I need that I have been living without. Not the high-level necessities like food and clothing, but things like cleaning supplies and furniture and car maintenance. I have enough now to afford SOME things, but not ALL things. So how do I prioritize? I asked my sister to help me because she has helped me before and she is very sensible with money. I don't necessarily want her to control my finances again and dole out an allowance, but I could use some advice for strategizing. And I will need her to hold on to any extra money I have so I will have a savings account, which I admit I could never possibly maintain on my own.
I'm still pretty manic but I slept great last night. I called in today, because as I just mentioned I suck at planning my money. I drove all the way to work AND all the way home yesterday with my gas light on. I was too afraid to ask anyone to borrow money, although finally I did cave and ask Brian but he wasn't home. I was so afraid of running out and being stranded on the side of the road that I didn't even try to make it to his house this morning, but I'm going to try after he gets home from work. I know this will be an occurrence but it will be my first one -- I used sick time the other two times so there was no penalty. I am out of sick time right now though.
Okay, I am going to register now for this Ayurveda course I am starting later in the month! It is a free course at NLAM (National Library of Ayurvedic Medicine) and it is intensive. I'm so excited! Every day, my dreams are coming true :)
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