I'm a little tired tonight because it's already 3:30 and I'm just getting started. I went and posted a review for Juliea on her doula page, and I tend to get a little wordy so it went a little long. It's true to form, though -- at work, my average call length is longer than anyone else's on the team. I pride myself in using 1,000 words to say what the average person could express in 10. ;)
Everything today is FREAKING AMAZING!! Making good choices and having a heart filled with gratitude are shaping my life, day by day, in spectacular new ways. I feel like a new woman.
First, Sienna's birth father contacted me on that dating website last night. He made no attempt to disguise himself and I did reply to his first message. He claimed to only want to know how Sienna was doing, so I provided a brief update. We chatted for a minute and joked around, and I felt a little conflicted about even going down that path. I knew it was wrong. Then, he asked how Tristan was doing and I told him that he should be back with me by the end of the school year. Immediately the nasty insults, assumptions, and discouragement began. He told me I needed to get my shit together, accused me of focusing on everything but my kids, and at first I was baited and felt the need to defend myself.
But wait. He doesn't know me anymore. He can say whatever he wants to -- primarily because he knows what buttons to push. But I don't have to listen to it, nor do I need to explain myself to HIM, of all people! I know what I've done and I know what I'm about, where the hell has he been since June? Nowhere even close enough to my life to be qualified to form an opinion about it.
He doesn't know that I go to counseling every week, that I got my own place in Tristan's school district, that I got a steady well-paying job through which I have insurance on Tristan, that I have been to his field trip, conferences, and every single class party he has had. He doesn't have any clue about my plan to save my commission checks in order to afford daycare, or if need be, a lawyer when the school year ends. He is unaware that I already informed Rachel that Tristan would be returning home on the first day of summer vacation, or that my counselor offered to speak on my behalf if we need to go to court. He doesn't know that I have already touched base with the CPS worker handling the guardianship in order to find out what I need to do to get him back. How would he know that I have no roommate, no boyfriend, no drugs, no distractions? He wouldn't, he doesn't, and his opinion means less to me than a Canadian penny. (Sorry, it's really late, not so good with the analogies at this moment...)
Anyway, so I deleted my account on the website. It takes two to tango, and I don't feel like dancing. Get on with your sorry self, and leave me to my life which is a million percent better without you in it. I knew at that moment that I was a stronger woman than I once was, because there was a point in time where I felt powerless to resist him. That's bullshit.
So, this morning on the way to work, I got a Facebook message from Sienna's mom telling me that they were chosen for this adoption finalization thing in their county to celebrate November which is apparently adoption month. I am so happy for them, and they totally deserve it. I looked up the article about them and it brought a tear to my eye. The whole family looks perfect and happy and right, and I am so proud and so blessed to have been a part of making that happen. THEN, Juliea informed me that she does have the pictures she took at the birth and she'll give me a disc on Saturday when we do the women's sweat lodge retreat. I already know what I'm going to do with them, I'm going to make an awesome album photo gift for Sienna and her family as a Christmas gift. You can do stuff like that with pictures on websites like Snapfish, I think. I'll check it out, but I'm very excited to see what kind of awesome creation I can come up with. I just know they'll love it so much, there were pictures of the very first moment Sienna's mom saw her.
Everything is just falling....into....place. I got ranked #1 in our class which means I get first pick of the available shifts. Since we're in training, we get whatever everyone else in the call center doesn't want. So, while it's possible that I may NOT get what I want, I believe there's a great chance I'll get a day shift with weekends off. Score! Let me see you stop me NOW!!! I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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