God knows there’s nothing to gain; Well who am I to deny, we’re both playing the same game...

Today's lyric comes to you from the lovely Tristan Prettyman.  I came across her while I was following YouTube rabbit trails, from Ani DiFranco to Florence + The Machine to The XX to Metric...and somewhere in there, a previously undiscovered gem.  

It's 3 AM and I have to leave here at 8 AM.  Of course, as tired as I was last night...guess what.  WIRED.  Of course!!!  I believe it's a manic phase setting in.  I woke up abnormally early, had intensely vivid sexual dreams, have been talkative and in high spirits, and am nowhere near tired at 3 in the morning.  

I came to a conclusion today.  I will never trust a man.  The biggest reason is....they're all liars!!!!  That's not really a fair statement.  It did occur to me that, in our own little ways, maybe we are ALL liars.  The problem with me is that I am so sensitive to it that I simply can not tolerate it.  I can not survive long in an interaction or relationship which requires me to pretend to believe something that I most assuredly know is not true.  I can FEEL it.  Every time I try to deny it, rationalize it, make excuses for the person, or say I'm just paranoid...my suspicions are ALWAYS validated.  So I'm just going  to put it out there, Emmanuel is as full of shit as any other man and while we may all be full of shit, not everyone can be content with turning a blind eye.  This is my lot in life -- extremely sensitive empath destined to walk the earth alone for all eternity because I will never find an honest soul.

Oh, and I'm not saying I'm completely honest all the time.  I wouldn't trust ME, either.  That's the problem -- I demand the impossible.  Accepting lies makes me too uncomfortable and makes me doubt my standing in another person's life.  If you lie to me once, about one thing, no matter how insignificant -- I will question everything you ever tell me and suspect you of dishonesty until the end of time.

I don't want that.  You don't want that.  Therefore, the decision has been made, and that decision is that I will commit myself to no one, ever.  Period.