Conscious Cleanse Day 9 -- Listen to the Detox

Since I didn't do yoga on Day 8, or watch the video or anything, I just decided to make yesterday my day 8.  I did the yoga before bed, and it was lovely!  I always thought long holds and a slow flow sounded boring.  I felt like little could be accomplished and it was just basically lazy yoga.  I was wrong!

I learned that even when we think we're completely relaxed, we're not!  There were muscles that, during the long holds, would suddenly relax when I had no idea that I had even been tensing them!  It really blew my mind.  I'd be stretched to my fullest capacity in a pose, but while waiting, and waiting, suddenly it would become deeper.  Then a little bit later, even deeper.  Now, this speaks to me.  Because it shows that we can't force it or push it.  We just do what we can, and allow it, and expansion comes.  There's a lot to be said about being receptive and allowing things to work through you.  I can't really put into words what I'm thinking, but it was definitely a perspective enhancer.

I feel pretty okay, a little sensitive, but I'm holding it together.  I blew my nose this morning and it was bloody, I'm still spotting, and I have some acne but I'm guessing that's all either detoxing or the result of my excessive cheating on Saturday.  I am not supposed to have dairy or sugar right now, but I still put 1 cup of kefir in my smoothie.  I don't feel bad about it, though -- during the actual detox (which starts tomorrow) I'm not going to cheat at all and that's what counts.

Speaking of smoothies, I made a really yummy one today!  It's a little sweet, but really good.  I used 1 cup of mango kefir, a spinach spirulina cupcake, a frozen banana, 1 cup of the elderberry tea, 4 sundried figs, 4 pitted dates, hemp hearts, and chia seeds.  I should have used the pomegranate kefir to stick with the Mediterranean theme, but it is pretty amazing anyway.  I'm sipping on it as we speak.

I can't really accurately report on relationship because my head is telling me things and distorting reality into something that is probably very inaccurate.  Things are not bad and we haven't fought.  But I seem to feel more distance, and that always makes me sad.  I remind myself though that a person's energy changes for millions of different reasons and we withdraw from others for a million reasons.  He isn't required to always be "on" and I should be comfortable and secure enough in our relationship to take things as they come and know that no matter what, we're okay.  I do know that.  

But this part of my brain is trying to tell me that he comes close just so he can pull away.  That he gives me something just so he can take it from me.  In other words, that he is playing cat and mouse with me.  I doubt that's actually true, and I'm working on fortifying my relationship with myself.  I think that's key.  If I can be happy alone, in any circumstance, no one can take it from me.  If I put the key to my happiness in anyone else's pocket, I'm bound to be disappointed and that's unfair to them.

I have the day off work today so I'm going to maybe watch a documentary or read a book and later I'll get caught up on cleaning.  I need to do something that makes me feel good.