Yup. I tried to do THAT one today...and it was a giant fail. I felt pretty bad about myself until I googled it for the picture and realized it's a very difficult pose. I did Day 3 of the 30 day challenge, which was posture. I then picked a random YouTube vinyasa flow video and didn't realize it was advanced until I had (almost) finished it. Still, I get props for trying!
I couldn't wait to blog about what just happened. I don't know why. I know it happened, and no one else will get it, no matter how hard I try to explain. Even if you BELIEVE me, you just can't grasp the magnificence of what just happened. Or maybe you can! I don't know. So, I got done doing yoga. Per the second chapter in the book I am reading about Ayurveda, I need to start making a regular meditation practice. I'm slowly working at easing myself into a routine. (Part of that routine is going to bed by 10, so I'm keeping an eye on the clock)
Anyway, I decided to meditate for 20 minutes. I picked a random chakra clearing 432 HZ meditation. Now, this was not my first trip around the block. Nor is this the first time I had this type of experience, except that. um. substances may have been involved during the other occasions. So here I am, sober. I'm staring at the swirly trippy psychedelic flame type graphic on the TV screen (I played the video on YouTube and it displayed on my TV screen).
Anyway, I suddenly felt the need to close my eyes. I wasn't tired, but they became very heavy. I was trying to focus my thoughts and banish my silly childish fear of the dark, so I was repeating "I am" on the inhale and "love" on the exhale. My fears began to dissipate and fade entirely. A light feeling started to fill my body and expand throughout my aura. Suddenly, in my mind's eye, it was totally bright. How do I explain this? Behind my eyelids, it looked like someone had turned on the brightest light ever. I could see it, even though I knew all the lights in the apartment were off. Yes, the TV was on, but this was a vivid WHITE light. I'm certain it's the same white light people speak of upon returning from a NDE. I have seen it before, but, you know.
This swelling, rising, euphoric rush of joy just...coursed through me. I felt like I was a helium balloon, rising and rising and rising. I felt so full of joy I could have popped. There are just no words to describe it. I felt a noticeable shift when my mind popped into that groove, and while it was a distinctly different state of consciousness, it was not unfamiliar to me. I used to flip back and forth with ease as a child. The feeling of transition and submersion in the white light brought back memories. I have become convinced that either something is seriously mentally wrong with me, and has been since I was a child; or that all children possess an almost magical link to things we adults have long since forgotten and I have been blessed enough to rediscover this gift. I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure. Am I schizophrenic, or is this latent in everyone? Is this a spiritual experience, or psychological illness? Does it matter?
I don't really have anything else to talk about right now. Good night!
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