I won’t be able to write a bunch right now since Tom just
went to get hot water, but I at least wanted to start something. The good news is that, a month late and 2
pregnancy tests later, I finally got my period.
I got it yesterday, right on the full moon. A 2-22 full moon, at that! These numbers are really speaking to me
lately. So relief, I am not pregnant –
but Shyloh IS!!! I am so excited to be
able to spoil and snuggle a sweet little baby, but I’m a little worried for
Shyloh. I truly do not know if she
realizes yet just how much her life is going to change. It isn’t that I don’t believe in her, I
totally do. And I’m definitely there to
help in any way I can. I just know that
having a baby and being a parent is something that no one can ever prepare you
for. Anyway, her baby will be about 3
months old by our wedding, and she says she still wants to come but I think we’ll
have to sort of play it by ear.
Tom just left for an appointment and I am munching on some
trail mix. I’ve been doing so well! Today was day 9, feeling fine. It was a twisting detox practice, and I threw
up afterwards. I don’t think twisting is
good when you’re on your period. I also
think trail mix always has too many raisins.
Everything started going well yesterday, kind of. I got my period, Tristan had a great day, I
found out that I can finally pick up his prescription because the insurance
crap has been figured out – all good, overall.
Joth and I had a stupid argument which we both responded to quite
differently; I by realizing it was stupid and deciding to just stop and be nice,
and he by just shutting down and emotionally distancing himself from me. We were both waiting for something – he for
an apology, I for him to get over it. I
decided not to let it vex me and realized that I am responsible for my
happiness, not him. He is responsible
for his happiness, not I. Whatever he
chooses to feel is well within his right and whether I agree with what he
thinks or not is of no relevance. So I
decided to let him just handle things however he wanted and took a nice long
hot shower while listening to music that made me happy.
That’s the hardest thing for me – to not try to force
someone to feel better, to not accept responsibility for how others choose to
feel. I hesitated before apologizing,
because I thought to do so would be to accept full responsibility for
everything and I’m not doing that. Yes,
I got irritated and no, I shouldn’t have to apologize every time I get
irritated. He also got irritated and I
didn’t sit around pouting waiting for him to apologize. It came to a point, though, where I decided
that his happiness was more important than being right so I just gave him the
stupid apology he wanted since it was so important. Does that mean I think I should be sorry for
having feelings? No. Does that mean I think he’s right? Not at all.
But do I think I could ever win?
Hahahaha.
If all goes as planned, I should get my tax refund
tomorrow. If it all goes to student
loans, well that’s okay because it’s one less debt I have, all the better for
my credit report. Either way, we’re
ordering our rings this week. Also Joth
is going to take the test he needs to take to be licensed to practice massage
in Michigan.
Mood wise, seriously for the past few days I have been
ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE. I did all the dishes
Sunday, swept, cleaned the counters, and scooped the kitty litter. I haven’t slept well, but it’s been sunny and
a little warm and I’m loving it. On one
hand, I have a lot more to say but on the other hand, I have a lot of work to do
so I suppose I should go for now. Later!
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