Farewell!

This blog has served its purpose.  It helped me through a hard time -- a transformative time.  I have emerged from my cocoon, though, and my wings are ready.  It's time for me to fly away, onto bigger and better things.

*Edited to add, I went back to see when my first entry was written in this blog and it was almost EXACTLY two years ago -- August 30, 2012.  How weird that today was the day I was called to end it?  I have chills...

I was never really over Noe until the end of Ramiro.  Everything about Ramiro was just like Noe (well, almost) -- the way his voice sounded, the things he said, even the way he kissed me.  The way he texted (or not).  The way he'd ignore me then come rushing back with pretty words.  The lies he told.  His emotional unavailability.  

Ramiro had a tattoo on his arm, it said "Amber".  I have a tattoo on my neck, it says "Noe".  Amber is a blonde girl of German descent.  I am a blonde girl of German descent.  Noe was born in Mexico and came here around first grade.  Ramiro was born in Mexico and came here around first grade.  I think, through each other, Ramiro and I were both trying to resolve what we felt had been left unresolved with that ex who had branded themself on each of us, both literally and figuratively.  Both on our skin and on our soul.

I finally have closure.  I hope Ramiro does too.  I'm done trying to find someone exactly like Noe that I can make it work with.  I have finally accepted that my happiness comes from inside, and the feelings I still clung to -- that I was chasing, in other men, other beds, other relationships -- were never based on anything real.  I have released the illusion and finally realized that the person I will be happy with is nothing like Noe.  Nothing like Raul.  Nothing like Emmanuel.  Nothing like Ramiro.  

When this person comes, we'll have a soul connection.  They will set my heart on fire, not with roses and pretty words, but with TRUTH and the intensity of our connection.  They will "get" me.  They will "see" me.  

At the same time, though, I realize that a relationship is not the be all and end all of my existence.  There is something more out there.  I am on a mission to pursue it, and lay to rest the old ghosts I've been chasing.  If you've been with me on this journey, thank you.  And namaste.