Duuuuuude.

Yeah, I still don't have a theme.  It's been over two years, I'm running out of ideas!!  I've done tarot cards, yoga poses, goddesses, candy, animals, crystals...I don't even know what else.  

But hey.  Slight problem.  I took great care two years ago to make sure nobody I knew could find this blog -- I used an alias, I didn't use identifying information, and made a new email address to associate with it.  Because, duh, I was making REALLY bad decisions and I didn't want it to be used as blackmail.

When I started working for Charter, I put the employer name on here.  I was beginning to loosen up, but I still didn't want people I know finding this.  Because, while it's public, it's still private.  You know?  I don't mind if complete strangers know all the details of my life that I don't even share with my mother.  I just don't want anyone who actually knows me in real life to see the raw, ugly, honest side of me.  I mean, I'm honest anyway.  But I'm quiet.  Not telling is not the same as lying (although my mother would call it a "lie of omission" -- but do I owe the world full disclosure????).  

Anyway, on my profile I was shocked to see under "people you may know" my ex-husband and an old classmate.  Uhhhh what?  How does it know that I may know them?  Is it telling THEM that they may know ME?  Das ist nicht sehr gut.

But I have a million things to talk about so let's frantically hop from subject to subject like a cracked out frog on a pond full of lily pads.  :D

So let's begin!  Yoga, last night.  Yeah, I know I said I was going to do it in the morning.  I feared that I wouldn't have enough time to shower and put on makeup before church, so I decided to wait until evening.  Speaking of church!  Wait, I'll talk about that next.  If I kept taking side trails, I'll never find my way back to the main path.

So, yoga.  I hadn't done it for a week, and sometimes when I take even a DAY off, I lose so much flexibility.  But last night, I was even MORE flexible than before I took my break.  I guess it's true that we should honor our body, it knows what we want.  My body needed rest, and I came back better than ever!  I was absolutely shocked to see how close I can get my hands to my feet in wheel.  It was awesome!  And I felt happy the whole time.  The only thing I dreaded was navasana, nothing new there.  But again, as usual, when I finally did it, it was no big deal.  All that anxiety for nothing, you'd think I would learn.

Church was great.  I feel really silly calling it church, because the image one's mind conjures up with that word most definitely does not correspond with the place I was.  We did our chakra balancing meditation and the pastor gave a great sermon about how forgiveness starts with ourselves.  Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior.  Forgiveness sets us free.  We've all heard all of this, but it was still a very positive message and I was happy to hear it.  Afterward, April and Amanda and I went to Amanda's house to do a reiki share but we ended up talking the whole time, just like we did last time.  It was fine, though.  Rarely do any of us get a chance to have discussions with like-minded individuals, and that was just what we needed.  <3 Reiki sisters <3

Ummmm okay what else was I going to talk about.  Ohhhh yeah.  Haha.  The wacko stuff.

Magic is REAL, y'all.  ;)  No, but seriously.  You know how they tell you with the Law of Attraction/The Secret to visualize what you want and focus on it, right?  Then Gregg Braden and others take it a step further and recommend that you sit in meditation with the experience of HAVING what you want.  Create the feeling as if you already have it.  Louise Hay has the affirmations, and we say them as if we already have whatever it is we seek (I have a reliable, enjoyable job.  My parents are understanding and kind.  My children love to clean their rooms.)  

So I made a list.  It was the August full moon, and I was still with Ramiro.  It was shortly after he had cancelled our weekly visit the day before it was supposed  to happen, and then proceeded to completely ignore me that night while I sat in the bath with candles and music.  Which was divine, of course it was.  But it gave me a lot of time to think, and to reflect on what I had vs. what I really wanted.  On the full moon, I decided that instead of wishing he were someone he would never be, I would wish for someone who was exactly what I needed.  Why focus our energy on trying to wish away what we don't want?  Why not put our energy toward manifesting what we DO want?

Dude.  I wrote a long list.  On top of what I DID write down, there were things inside my head that I silently added but didn't dare include as it might be pushing my luck.  I thought it would be asking too much, if I put down everything I wanted, and ultimately some of those things didn't really matter that much.  I said it as if I already had it:  My lover is creative, kind, and open-minded.  My lover listens to what I say and takes an interest in my ideas.  My lover is passionate about learning and exchanging ideas.  My lover enjoys the simple things, like reading, watching documentaries, and taking walks in nature.  My lover is a positive person.  My lover shares similar viewpoints and perspectives, but where there are differences, shows respect and acceptance.  My lover is honest and direct, with kindness.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

Long list, right?  That's not even half of it.  I was sitting there thinking, and wouldn't it be cool if he did YOGA?  I never added it, though, because...come on.  I'm having a hard enough time finding a guy who can hold a conversation.  Let's be be thankful if we can find THAT, right?

Well.  Oh my god.  My life took a completely surreal Twilight Zone turn for the unbelievable.  I'm trying not to get too excited but let's just say I'm talking to someone who is EVERYTHING on the list PLUS the stuff that was in my head that I didn't dare ADD to the list.  I just can't even believe this.  It really fucking happened.  It really did.  Now, for me to NOT screw it up!  ;)