Selene

This is Selene.  Since today is a full moon, she was the obvious choice.  The thing is, though, although I have heard of her -- and I am certain that it must have been in reference to the moon -- I know nothing about her.  It was actually pretty cool...I sat down, and instantly my mind said, "Selene".  

Usually, I sit at the computer and I think for a few minutes.  I think of a theme, or a country I haven't used in a while.  I go through the files in my brain searching for a goddess.  Sometimes my search will lead me to the perfect goddess, but this time (just like with Cerridwen) I just instantly knew.  Upon reading the Wikipedia article, I see that Selene is a Greek goddess, so I can be pretty certain that I have heard about her before.  Still, though, it was pretty magical how my subconscious was able to bring her name forth before I even thought about it.  Anyway, she is the moon goddess.  She, also, is independent and has no husband. 

So, Mother's Day was interesting.  First of all, I went through a low phase right before my period.  I was eating a bunch of food and I couldn't get up early for yoga.  As a matter of fact, I only did yoga three times that week.  As we slid into Sunday, the depression was fading but an anxiety of sorts was setting in.  I think my mood changes are partly chemistry, but partly influenced by external triggers.  Perhaps it would have just been an "up", maybe even a pleasant one -- but, being that it was Mother's Day, I was way too much up inside my own head and I got a little paranoid.  

Saturday, Kelli had sent me a Facebook message with a picture of Sienna to wish me a happy Birth Mother's Day.  She told me that Sienna can say "Christine" now and she is trying to get it on video for me.  That made me smile.  She is so beautiful, and you can see her personality right in the picture.  It's like she makes the photo come alive, she has such bright energy.  Her hair IS getting lighter (it isn't blonde, lol) and it is longer than most three year old girls' hair is!  When I see her, I always feel that little twinge of sadness.  But I also feel joy.  

Sunday, I had to work, and couldn't see either one of my kids.  I got this stupid idea in my head that Tristan had made Rachel a Mother's Day gift instead of me and almost lost my mind.  I was so twisted up over it that I did some yoga to try to calm down and center myself.  I drank some tea with Ashwagandha, which is supposed to be a natural aid for anxiety.  I've been using it every day with Maca and Spirulina in tea or a hemp protein shake.  It's too early to tell whether it's making a difference, but it certainly isn't hurting anything.

Anyway, he DID make me a present, and he gave it to me yesterday.  Sometimes one bad thought just triggers another and sets off a chain reaction.  I need to learn how to stop those in their tracks.  It was a laminated acrostic poem:

M -- Meditating
O -- Ohmmmmmmm
T -- Tristan
H -- Hint 
E -- 
R -- Rad

I can't remember what the E was for.  It's in my car right now.  Anyway, the first two cracked me up!  Jewel gave me a flower in a flower pot that she had decorated.

For MY mommy, I made some body butter with shea butter, cocoa butter, coconut oil, hemp oil, cornstarch, rose hip oil, and vitamin E.  The first recipe I had tried was no bueno, and I actually think that's what triggered my depression in the first place.  It was too oily, so I added beeswax.  It was still too oily, so I added cornstarch.  THEN it was too dry and I had no way to fix it.  I had been working on it for two days, re-melting and adjusting.  Finally I just said fuck it and tried a different recipe.  I also made her some natural bug repellent lotion bars and a lavender epsom salt foot soak.  I added a candle and a bag of Positive Energy Yogi tea for a night of relaxation.  :)

I got my Peace Fest ticket!!!  I am so fucking excited!!!!  I just KNOW something EPIC is going to happen this year.  I still have all these recurring dreams about the Willow Ranch, I thought they would stop when I went to Peace Fest last year, but they continued.  I feel like I still have some unfinished Karma there, but I have no idea what it is.  I only know that that place is significant.

Yoga progress!  I haven't checked in with that in a while.  So, after like three days off, I jumped back into it and I thought I would suck.  To my surprise, I was more flexible than I had been before my break!  My body slid into half lotus without issue and I could even do a bind on BOTH sides.  I noticed a few areas of improvement.  The one with your leg up in the air, I can now bend down toward my leg, lift up, and turn my head to the left while the leg goes out to the right (and vice versa).  I couldn't do that before.  Also, in the pose that is like triangle, but instead of grabbing your right big toe with your right hand you put your left hand down next to the foot...well, I am able to put my hand on the OUTSIDE of my foot now.  

It's not like I'm in a competition or that I'm heading toward some specific goal, it's just encouraging to see progress.  I think it's like that in life -- it's nice to see validation that our efforts aren't wasted.