Amaterasu

Most of my goddesses have been depicted with the moon.  Amaterasu, however, is shown with the sun.  I chose her because I feel divine life coursing through me, but also because it is very bright and sunny outside.  Of course I know  that  the weather outside and the weather inside are directly correlated, at least with me.  

So, you remember my theory about the life force/electricity, and how the amount of it flowing through us or the way that it flows through us would explain the different mental illnesses?  Epilepsy, autism, bipolar, etc?  Well, I saw a post about Nikola Tesla which said, "My brain is only a receiver.  In the universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, inspiration.  I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists".  Additionally, yesterday's dharma talk was about rebirth (fitting, wasn't it?) and the monk said that the current of consciousness flows through each of us like electricity through a light bulb.  Our body will die -- the light bulb will die -- but the light bulb is simply the vessel which conducts the current of consciousness.  

It really got me thinking.  Who AM I, then?  Am I the light bulb?  Am I the electricity?  Am I the light?  What happens to ME when the light bulb dies?  The light bulb may be my body, but it could also be my ego.  Or maybe the light bulb is my body, the light is my ego, and the electricity is the part of me which is a part of every other light bulb.  And maybe there are some factors which influence which of us flicker, which shine more brightly, and which go out prematurely.  I would think that those things have to do with the design of the bulb, and the wiring.  Just as the "wiring" of our brains can determine how well and for how long we conduct the current of consciousness.

WOAH.  That seemed pretty deep.  It's amazing how much information you find pertaining to a topic of interest as soon as you pursue that line of thinking.  Miraculous, really.  I love life.  It is so fascinating!

I was hula hooping so much yesterday that my body hurts a little today.  I tried to do yoga, but 20 minutes into it I stopped.  I don't really know why.  I was very distracted, but I also didn't feel like I had the energy to do it.  I know it was because I haven't eaten anything, but at the same time, I'm not hungry.  So I guess I'm not doing yoga until I manage to eat something, which will probably be after Tristan goes to bed.

So, I talked to Ramiro again last night on the phone.  I like him a lot, but he's a little intense!  For example, he asked me last night if we were to start dating, and then he asked me to marry him, and if I said yes, what would I think about him getting my name tattooed on him?  I was like, what the HELL?  We haven't even had one date yet!!!  But I did tell him honestly that getting someone else's name tattooed on you is the stupidest thing you can do, I don't care HOW much you love them.  I should know.

He's an Aries though.  I like Aries because they get things done, they keep things moving.  But they can also have a temper and lose interest easily.  Aries are a lot like Leos but more bossy and not quite as gregarious.  Still social, yes, but there's a certain warmth with a Leo that is less in an Aries.  Anyway, fire signs are so exciting, but as an air sign, I find that they tend to consume me.  I like someone who is in control, until I don't.  Then I begin to resent this bossy fire sign in my life who seems to think I should be kissing his ass and obeying his orders.  Yeah, NOT!

He did say he doesn't get angry very easily, which surprised me a bit.  The way he talks, he reminds me of a Cancer!  He already seems very clingy and really emotional.  Emotional isn't a bad thing, but I definitely need my space.  We'll see how this goes.

Well, I have an hour and a half before I need to get Tristan and I think I want to watch a documentary.  Later!