Freyja

Wow.  As usual, I had a huge "A-ha" moment when I chose today's goddess.  For those who don't know, my ethnic background is Greek and German.  My paternal grandfather is half Greek (Kakavelakis) and half German (his parents didn't even speak one another's language!  How curious...) and my paternal grandmother has a German (Schaendorf) background.  My mom's background is German on both sides.

So clearly, I am much more German than I am Greek.  However, I have always associated more with the Greek side.  I can't really say why, probably because Greek mythology was the first mythology (other than Christian, haha) I ever encountered, my first exposure to the idea of the divine feminine.  I really identified with it from a very early age, like first grade.  I liked the idea of my ancestors worshiping Athena, Aphrodite, and Artemis.  I liked to believe that I came from a culture which honored and revered the divinity of women.

Today I just decided randomly to choose Freyja.  I thought she was Nordic, as in, from Norway.  It turns out she is NORSE, which is NOT the same thing.  (Please don't make fun of me, I'm smart but I don't know everything!)  Anyway, NORSE mythology is of the Northern Germanic people.  She, too, is a goddess of my people.  She is a goddess who belongs to no one, which I also identify with.  When I googled her, I learned some surprising things about my heritage and it answered some questions about my draw to shamanism.  I have no Native American roots, so it seemed random.  Not so much.

"The ancient Germanic people had an animalistic-shamanic religion, whereby everything was seen as sentient and alive, and the Wise Women or Volvas would enter altered states of consciousness in order to heal and gain spiritual knowledge and awareness.  Freyja's Volvas were greatly revered seeresses gifted with divination, clairvoyance, and prophesy.  And just as cats were Freya's special animals, so were they the spirit allies of the Nordic Wise Women."

I chose Bast as my first patron goddess because she is a cat, and I have a deep affinity for cats.  In fact, my whole family does -- my sister has 4 cats, and my dad has 5.  My brother only has one, and I guess he's more of a dog person.  But anyway, Freyja really resonates with me.  I feel called to make her my patron goddess, and I feel like I carry the gifts of her Volvas.  In fact, I think there IS something passed at least from my mother to me and now to my daughter.  Let me tell you about what is happening to Jewel.

On a purely clinical side, she has autism and is entering the age of puberty.  Apparently it is common for autistic children to develop seizures during this time -- in fact, one in four do, according to what I have read.  I'm sure that is what is happening, and the reasons for seizures have to do with messed up electrical impulses in the brain.  She hasn't been convulsing, she'll just stop and stare and won't answer you.  Then she snaps back to it and acts like nothing happened.  The first time, she had fainted.

The curious thing is, though, she told me that sometimes she thinks about something, and then she sees it, and that's when this happens.  The first time, she saw a guy sitting on a bench in her mind, then she saw him in real life, and spaced out.  The second time, she saw something on the way home that she had dreamed about, and kind of just froze up and stared and wouldn't answer me.  I was really freaked out.  I have done a lot of research on seizures and I have become completely fascinated with the human brain.  I understand -- a little -- what is happening to her, but how do you explain scientifically the psychic behavior preceding the event?  And the craziest thing is, she's NOT the only one!  Other people report similar experiences.  What does it mean???

I have often thought, and mentioned here previously, that we are all conducting energy, source energy, chi, prana, whatever you want to call it.  I already had a hypothesis that some mental disorders were due to how much or how little of this energy our brains were conducting.  When I am manic, I feel like I am conducting a high amount of this energy.  The effects are spiritual, psychological, but also physical -- my heart beats faster.  There is more blood flow to my extremities, so my sexual response is heightened.  I smell better.  I hear better.  It's like, electricity.  Not LIKE -- I believe now, that Source energy IS electricity.  

My daughter, being autistic, is in a constant state of heightened sensation.  Certain sounds hurt her ears, certain textures bother her, she has a nose like a hound dog, and will only eat certain foods.  She can taste subtle differences in macaroni depending on how much butter or milk I put in (now I use coconut oil, and she loves it).  So therefore, since I experience this when manic, I further hypothesize that an autistic individual is constantly conducting a high amount of Source energy -- electricity.

Which leads me to why they have a higher rate of seizures, which are sudden surges of electrical activity in the brain.  Therefore, since electrical activity is Source energy, she WOULD have heightened psychic awareness as well.  In fact, when I am manic, I notice that my intuition is higher, I experience more synchronicity, and I seem more inspired -- as if poetry and words flow right from the universe into my head.

Wow, I didn't write about ANYTHING I meant to write about.  I suppose I should be used to that by now :)