Matcha

I know that I haven’t posted in quite some time, but I’m still here!  It’s going to take quite a lot to catch up, which I hate, because every tiny thing is relevant.  I just don’t have time to list them all, though.  I always intend to blog daily, but life happens.  Especially during the holidays.  Speaking of, we had a pretty good solstice overall – I consider our first holiday season as a fully merged family a success.  We read the traditional Winter Solstice book, this time with Joth and Austin.  Shyloh was even there, too.  The boys got recording quad copter/drone things, which they loved.  We also got them gis to wear to Aikido, and surprised them by letting them know we’d be taking it as a family.  I don’t think Tristan is very excited yet, because he’s thinking of when he took karate and hated it.  His psychiatrist recommended Tae Kwon Do, though, so I think this will be a perfect fit.  Tom just came back to his desk so more later.  J  Well, he put his headphones in, so maybe he won’t notice the furious flurry of fingers across the keyboard.  That was ALMOST alliteration.  Alas, almost an amazing alliteration.  ;)  I feel silly today.

 

Let’s see, mood tracking – well, let me tell you!  I have discovered some phenomenal things!  I was researching herbs known to boost cognition, and ordered some gotu kola, schisandra berries, astragalus, eleuthero root…ohhhh haha.  I mentioned that already.  I guess my memory has not yet improved.  J  Well anyway, I got a rash on the inside of my elbow during the gotu kola week and it seemed to be getting worse.  I stopped, and it went away.  That would be sad if I am allergic to it, but I’ll test it again soon to be sure.  I get bummed when super awesome supplements don’t work well with me, like maca.  I WANTED maca to work, so badly.  It seemed perfect for me.  *sigh*  C’est la vie.  Wait, did I mention the bacopa?  I’m doing bacopa monnieri with rhodiola rosea in matcha.  It’s AMAZING.  First of all, I’m getting my water intake – I get a 16oz cup and fill it with hot water when I get to work.  I put about 2 teaspoons of each in the hot water and stir it up.  Toward the bottom, it’s still gritty and powdery so when I get down to the last quarter inch or so in the cup, I fill it again.  I can do this 3 times and it still has flavor.  ANNNNND, I’m getting…ummm…what’s 16 times 3?  8 times 6…48.  I am getting about 48 ounces of water, which is a drastic increase from ZERO.  ANNNNND, I don’t drink coffee at work anymore!  I don’t have to, thanks to the matcha!!!

 

Eleuthero seemed to up my sexual energy and confidence, but not in an overly masculine, aggressive way.  It was a satisfied, open, warm, peaceful fire instead of a raging, burning, hungry, consuming fire.  It was accepting instead of insistent.  I liked it.  The gotu kola made me feel very zen.  I’ll use Joth’s word here, I was unperturbable.  I like that word.  Anyway, it was like walking around in a little zen bubble, where nothing could get in and interfere with me.  The bad thing about that, though, was that nothing really got to me…in a good way OR a bad way.  I did feel a bit flat.  I wasn’t impulsively reactive, but I wasn’t passionate or excited about anything.  It’s hard to explain.  It might be great for monks or priests, but I do welcome a LITTLE excitement into my life, you know what I mean?  If I was going to sit and meditate all day, sure.  But…it may be better tweaked with something else. 

 

The bacopa and rhodiola with matcha seems to be working, so next week I’m going to try to add in gotu kola and eleuthero.  OoooOOOOOooo, I’m so super excited!  Okay so what else.  Shyloh stayed with us for about a week, she found a job working at residences for adult foster care but Ema apparently kicked her out.  She’s staying with her friend Jason now, until she can save for a house.  Or whatever happens now, since Joth’s mom said she might be moving to Florida.  Joth and I were looking at some houses in the area, but if she moves, then we’d be staying there but in the big part of the house.  If Shy stayed there too, we’d have another person to help with expenses…and there’s definitely plenty of room.  Plus, she said she’d babysit whenever we need her to if we let her know ahead of time.  Joth and I don’t fight as often as we were last month, and the bad parts are now less frequent, less severe, and of shorter duration.  But, we still have some spots to be smoothed out.  It reminds me of that book about love that Don Miguel Ruiz wrote.  The name escapes me…something about the Mastery of Love.  Or maybe that’s it.  Anyway, it’s like we’re bruised all over from being hurt so much that whenever someone tries to touch us it’s like, ow oww owwww and I just imagine Joth and I like two totally purple bruised up people trying to dance this crazy tango of life but no matter how careful we are, we keep pressing into the wounds of the other.  Anyway, Shyloh recognized some kind of super magic between us and is emphatic that THIS relationship NEEDS to happen.  I have to say, I agree.  I think of all the unexplainable synchronicities, and how we know what the other is thinking, and how exhilarating it is when we’re connected…that can’t be by accident.  It’s not just any throwaway dime a dozen time killing relationship.  This is IT.  I can’t give up without giving it my all.  I’m glad Shy is supportive as well.  It’s really good to have a friend, too.

 

That reminds me!  We had a super cosmic, important, magical event!  On the 23^rd (just two days after the winter solstice and two days before the full moon), we had a reunion of the old Goddess Tarot group!  Ohhhh, MAN.  I can’t even tell you how cool that was!  Jewel was a baby when all that started.  That’s how I met Debbie, and through her, I met Shy (who was Jace at the time).  So, the group was Debbie, Shy, Annie, Dawn, and myself.  We went through each individual card in the Goddess Tarot deck and workbook, and got together once a week.  Damn, I miss those sisterly magical times.  But we all remarked about how it was like we just saw each other yesterday and no time had passed at all…even though Chyna was 12 when I last saw her, and now she’s 22!  WHAT?!  Chyna is Dawn’s daughter.  We had a coming of age camping trip for her, and we gave her gifts to celebrate her first moon.  She still has the journal I gave her that weekend, with a poem I wrote glued to the inside cover.  She filled the journal.  I can’t believe she still has it!  You just never know how you affect the lives of others. 

This is part two, just in case the writing sounds different.  I didn’t get a chance to finish this yesterday, but Tom has been slacking all day so I don’t feel guilty taking a few minutes to add to the entry.  So, as far as mood, all is fairly well.  I still feel very resilient and not as easily triggered.  If I am, I can pull back out of it.  There are issues, as I imagine there always will be until the end of time in any interpersonal relationship.  Conflict happens, and I don’t feel like feeding the negativity.  The bottom line is that I still believe wholeheartedly that I am giving this my all, so whatever happens from there, whatever may be fated to be, I am content to allow it.   

My period is “late”, but we go through this almost every month.  It can’t really be considered late if it’s never on time, you know?  I have been researching what it means to have a long cycle, or irregular cycles, and it just means that there is probably a hormone imbalance which I already suspected.  No biggie, I’ve got this.  It’s recommended that I visit my doctor, but I’ve done that already and according to the bloodwork, there was no reason to be alarmed.  He said if it continued, the next step would be an ultrasound.  I don’t have insurance now, though, and I can think of much bigger problems than a flaky period.  What other type of period would I have, anyway?  This is ME.  LOL 

The interesting thing is, I was reading about what it means if you bleed on the full moon, which I have been for the last couple months.  It indicates that you need to slow down and nurture yourself, since women in rhythm with nature actually should be ovulating at the full moon and bleeding on the new.  I take this as an indication that I am moving toward a healthier place, and I definitely feel that way inside as well.  I’m still sipping on my matcha and feeling great.  I never thought I could make it through a day of work without coffee!  And yes, it’s still caffeine, but I read that it releases more slowly and is more gentle than caffeine in coffee because of the tannin.  So, matcha is like time release coffee.  No surge, no crash, no jitters.  I LOOOOOOVE it!

It seemed like there was something really important that I wanted to talk about.  Well shoot, it’s been so long, I hate when I do that because I know I’m leaving something out but I can’t think of what it might be.  OMG did I mention the LED hula hoop???!!  Or, the RV.  Or the light up wedding rings??!!!  So, Joth got me for solstice a singing bowl and an LED hula hoop.  That’s a man after my own heart, right there…he knows me so well!  I wasn’t able to surprise him with his gift because he mentioned that he was going to get one, and I had to spill the beans.  I think it worked out better this way, though, because I wouldn’t have known which multitool to pick out.  Since he knew anyway, I just told him to pick the one he wanted.  He may not have been surprised, but I think at least he’s happy with it.

Okay, and we had this crazy weekend of insane manifestation.  I can’t even describe how weird this was.  It was over the top.  We’d talk about something, and it would happen.  For example, I had been wanting to take bellydancing and had searched for any classes in BC and found none.  I got a random, out of nowhere friend request from a girl who lives in Battle Creek who teaches bellydance, and classes start next week.  I have no idea how or why she added me.  Tristan was talking about how he wanted me to buy him a thumb drive, and we got home and I had forgotten.  I went to open the mail, and there was an envelope from my temp agency with a small holiday gift for me – a thumb drive.  I had ordered some books for the kids and as I was reading the inside of the jacket of one aloud, Shyloh said, “That one’s for Shyloh!” when I looked in the box, I saw that they had mistakenly sent me an extra one.  Of that very book.  So naturally, I gave it to her!

Oh, yeah, and the RV.  We’ve been talking for a long time about getting an RV, but of course we have to save up, and they’re expensive.  When Eric came, he was telling me about some on sale on Craigslist in Detroit for only 3k, which is a good deal.  Joth’s friend Jeff came over and we were talking about that, and HE told me that his neighbor has an RV that runs and everything works in it for just 1500!  It’s cheap because the guy got it for free when the owner died.  We’re totally going to buy it.  It’s meant to be!!!!

There were more things, small and large, weird and useful.  It was beyond affirmation that we make powerful magic together.  We were definitely vibing in harmony.  Sometimes, the universe gives us a delicious peek of the things we can do as long as we maintain a clear connection.  When things clog up the hose, the magic doesn’t flow as well.  But when we’re good, it’s ALL good.  And in order for US to be good, we both need to focus on making ourselves good.  I wish Joth could understand the importance of self care.  He is there for me, which has helped me and I appreciate endlessly.  But he isn’t attending to himself because he’s trying to be there for everyone else, which is noble, but will still ultimately lead to breakdown.  I really want to make wellness a priority this new year.  Nutrition, exercise, meditation, learning.  It’s good that we’ll be doing aikido, also.  I’m excited for that – I think it’ll be good for all of us.

Speaking of the New Year, we’re going to a little party here in town at the Music Factory.  It includes a concert – Saving Abel, not a bad band! – dinner, AND a champagne toast.  It’s just $25!  I’m super excited.  Since I have the day off tomorrow and we have both boys, I want to make vision boards.  I predict they’re not going to want to (at least Tristan won’t) because video games are his life.  But this new year is bringing changes, and responsibilities are included on that list.  Yeah, I’m talking about CHORES.  I know that he’ll resist at first, but as long as I’m persistent, he’ll know I’m serious.  I guess I should get back to doing more work, even though I’m the only one DOING any today.  *sigh*  Oh well, at least Tom hasn’t said anything about me typing.