Happy post-Valentine's Day/pre-new moon, lovers...<3 Although I'm not a traditional woman by any means and don't care much about the commercial aspect of Valentine's Day, I do enjoy any opportunity to connect with my partner. This is certainly something we can do any time of year, and we do. However, there happened to be a Valentine's Day (actually the day after) acro yoga workshop that sounded like the PERFECT thing for us to do together. I was SUPER happy that he was as excited about the idea as I was! As a matter of fact, when I proposed that we try acro yoga, he told me that he had been thinking the same thing! But of course, right? We have like the same brain or something.
So anyway, I found a workshop and signed us up. That part is always easy for me -- signing up for stuff. Somehow I imagine the ME that will be attending as a somehow more confident version. What always happens is, the time for the events I sign up for approaches, I get nervous and self-conscious, and come up with an excuse not to go. But with Joth coming along, I felt comfortable and went and had an AWESOME time!
So, do you see that picture up there? WE. DID. THAT. I know, right? It looks super hard, but it was not hard at all! It was really fun learning to work with our own body and the body of the other to balance, counter balance, position, coordinate movements, and work together. Like one being. At first, I hated it because I was so focused on perfecting it. Getting it RIGHT. And, I was afraid of falling. I trust Joth, I do...but up in the air, balanced on his feet, well...it was HARD not to rest my weight on my own hands. Just in case, you know? But I feel like suddenly, I had a breakthrough. I had to grab my feet and completely trust that I wouldn't fall. (And anyway, even if I did...so what? Why did it seem so scary to fall like 4 feet down onto a super padded gymnastic floor?)
As soon as I surrendered, two things happened. The pose worked, flawlessly. And I felt calm and blissful. Surrendering is hard. Your ego always thinks it knows best and that all of its fears are there to protect you. It builds a great case for NEVER LETTING GO. Always keeping your guard up. But if you are always trying to protect yourself, you miss out on some kind of divine serenity that I can simply not describe to you. I made the connection in acro yoga, as I often do in my daily(ish) practice, that all of this translates to real life. If I trust and let go of my fears in real life, I will stop getting in my own way.
You know, it's weird. I was doing yoga today and my brain was filled with a higher amount of mental chatter than usual. In an effort to stay present, I focused on my "I am enough" mantra. I said to myself, okay I KNOW I'm enough. But what if HE doesn't think so? What if he doesn't see it? What if he doesn't agree? What if I'm not enough for HIM? In our relationship, these fears interfere with our ability to flow seamlessly through the "poses" of relating to one another. They are exactly what make me fall. Just like in acro yoga, my fear of falling or messing up was the only thing interfering with our execution of the poses. It's silly, right? Worrying about messing up actually MAKES you mess up. Worrying about not being amazing is the only thing that makes you DO things that are NOT amazing.
I thought about that, too. Magnificence is our true nature. Every one of us! I know that you may look at a serial killer or war lord and disagree. But if they truly realized their own worth, their own value -- they wouldn't do the things they did. When I start to feel like maybe he'll think someone else is prettier, more exciting, smarter, more interesting, whatever...that's the only time I start to freak out about stupid things because they mean something different in my mind. And my freaking out about an innocent thing puts distance between us. It invites negativity and discord into our space. At that point, maybe he WILL start to think I'm not good enough. Why? All because I worried that I wasn't, to begin with! Okay this made more sense in my head when I was thinking about it. But you get my drift.
So, yoga. I did Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. 5 days, not bad. I took Friday off and planned to do it Saturday, but I was really enjoying snuggling and talking with Joth. I never want to do anything else when I'm around him. (Another reason why acro yoga is perfect for us -- because now yoga is a UNIFYING activity for us, not an isolating one.) Sunday we did the workshop, so even though it isn't Ashtanga, I'm going to count that.
There is a new moon on Wednesday, 5 moons now since I met Joth in person. :D So, a lot of synchronicity now also. I put exactly 4.444 gallons of gas in my car last night. Finished yoga today at exactly 12:34. I sent a message to Joth TELLING him that, and it said, "Seen at 11:11" (My computer is on India time) I am going to look up what angel numbers 4 means. I'm curious.
Also, wonderful news!!!!! My reiki sister, April, told me about a customer service job opportunity at her work. It pays enough, $16/hour. There is no commission, but I could make it work -- 8-4:30 with weekends OFF! OMG OMG OMG. Yes, yes, yes!!!!!! I sent my resume and she said she'll put a good word in for me. I'm so super excited!!!!!
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