Ahhhhh, I just got done with yoga. Three days in a row, and three days in a row blogging -- oh, my energy levels are up! I suppose for mood tracking purposes, I should check in. Um duh. If I'm blogging at all, chances are I'm in high spirits. I try to force myself to blog when I'm in a low, too, just for the sake of comparison. As I'm sure you can imagine, that can be a bit hard to do.
I am eating a bowl of steamed veggies with Himalayan pink salt. When I am disciplined with yoga, everything else follows. "Do your practice, and all is coming" as Pattabhi Jois said. He also said, "No coffee, no prana". Haha, no wonder I like Ashtanga so much. I really like this guy. :) But anyway, it's true. If I just take that time to get on the mat every day, all other areas of life fall into place. Everything comes.
For some people, yoga is exercise. Yoga is sometimes. Yoga is maybe. For me, it's different. Yoga is Lithium. Yoga is Risperdal. Yoga is Xanax. Yoga is Prozac. Yoga is the only reason my medications remain untouched on the shelf. I have a choice. Stay dedicated, or pop pills. Skipping days is not a luxury I can afford.
I have built that fire, created that tapas. Tapas is the fire that burns away the impurities. I see this two ways. Building physical heat during the flow burns away impurities such as stress, negative emotions, aches and pains, doubt, anger, etc. But tapas is also that self-discipline, that commitment to show up every day. Even the days that you don't want to. Ignoring the voice that wants to sit on the couch and eat chocolate. Overpowering the urge to watch movies and go to bed early. Finding somewhere in you the strength to get out of the fuzzy flannel PJ's and drag your own ass, willing or not, onto the mat.
Sadhana Pada, Sutra 43 in Patanjalis Yoga Sutras:
(Sanskrit) kaya indriya siddhih asuddhiksayat tapasah
(English translation ) Self discipline (tapas) burns away impurities and kindles the spark of divinity.
So, yoga makes me happy. Also, reading makes me happy. I just finished reading this book called The Mastery of Love. Oh my goodness, it is amazing. It's life-changing, just like The Way of the Peaceful Warrior was. I must be going through a major upgrade right now, because I've been learning so much. I am so thankful these books have made their way into my life. I feel like I'm a better person every day.
I tend to think, at my age, that if something were important I'd have heard about it by now. Or that I've considered every possible approach to relationships. I mean, most dating books say the same stuff. It sounds good, it's impractical, it's the same basic advice over and over again and while it makes sense...reading those books never really changes you. This book was different. It affected me on a fundamental level. It changed the way I view relationships and I feel so much more healthy after reading it. I really think I can do this. I really think I can have a successful relationship. I really believe I am capable of loving and being loved in a healthy way. I am SO EXCITED!!!
His birthday is this weekend, I think I mentioned that already. Usually I suck at giving gifts, but I think I figured out a pretty good one. I'm quite happy with it. I'm also making him an organic cake that sounds freaking DELICIOUS. He loves coconut sugar, and it has coconut sugar in it. And raw honey, bananas, milk, eggs, applesauce, cinnamon. With a cream cheese/honey/vanilla frosting. I can't wait to make it! I'm going to do it tomorrow night while Jewel's here. Maybe she'll help me. I think I'll reiki bless it, too. AND I wrote him a poem today. I really really really want to send it to him NOW but it must wait. It turned out pretty alright, if I do say so myself. :)
Things are really weird at work. I had a phone interview from Farmers and I have not heard back one way or another yet. I guess it's not looking promising because I was supposed to get a phone call within 2 weeks and it's been almost 3. However, if I didn't get it, I was supposed to get an email and I haven't received that either. Whatever will be, will be. I'm not worried but in the meantime at Charter I have been placed on a verbal. It's not a huge deal, I just can't mess up AT ALL. The first occurrence to roll off won't happen until March, so in the meantime there can be NO lateness, NO missing days unless I have sick time. Period.
But it's not only that. My supervisor doesn't reply to my emails anymore, which is weird. I got a new shift which is supposed to start the end of December, but it hasn't been loaded into my schedule yet and I'm trying to request a few hours off on New Year's Eve otherwise I'll be working until midnight, which is a drag. I was there until 2 AM last year, so whatevs, but I'd like to not be at work when the ball drops again. I emailed her to see if she could let me know when my schedule would be updated, no response. I feel uneasy. I feel like they're getting ready to give me the boot.
Which is FINE. I hate my job with a burning passion. But I need something else figured out FIRST. Ohhhhhh fervent prayers to divinity that everything will work out to support the highest good and my divine purpose in line with my heart's passion. It is. So it will be. Aho.
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