Healing Crisis

As I searched for crying fairy pictures, it dawned on me that I need more tattoos.  I can't wait to see Kendra!  She isn't even taking appointments until April, but it's worth waiting for.  She did an amazing job with both of my parents' tattoos.  Check these out! (Kendra did not do these.)

So yeah, lots more fairies.  The one I chose for this post was called "emo fairy".  Hahaha.  But anyway, I have been struggling all day to figure out just what the HELL is wrong with me.  I mean, what could be so wrong that yoga can't fix it -- no, even more, that yoga makes it WORSE?  

You know how I felt yesterday.  So this morning, after sleeping in until almost noon, I dragged my ass out of bed and decided to start the day with yoga.  It went better than it did yesterday, but it still ended with me in tears.  Uncontrollable tears.  They felt better this time, but what is up with all the crying?  Yesterday, I thought maybe it was the rain.  But it isn't raining today and I still feel continuously on the brink of springing a leak.  

I asked Joth if he was okay.  I thought maybe energetically I was picking up on some kind of angst, or stress, or whatever.  But nope, he said everything is fine.  The more I think about it, though, the more I recognize what this is.  I remember in our reiki classes, Karen always warned us about the possibility of a "healing crisis".  When you start to free up those blocks, and get the energy flowing and stuff, sometimes things come to the surface to be addressed and cleansed.  It's all part of the purification.  

I thought maybe yoga is doing this to me, specifically with the introduction of bound lotus.  An article that I read about it said,   "It is also known to be one of the shortest paths to healing deep emotional blockages".  Which sounded awesome at the time, but I never considered...HOW are these emotional blockages healed, exactly?  I never thought that it might be one of those things, like cleaning your room, where it has to get worse before it can get better.  Like, if you have an infection, and you have to cut it open and squeeze all that nasty stuff out.  Eeeeeew, that visual kind of grossed me out.  But it's TRUE, right?

Not only that, though, but I think the experience with Joth is also detoxing me.  I never drink water, I believe I've mentioned this before.  I don't really pee a lot, once or twice a day.  I noticed after the reiki 2 attunement that I was peeing a LOT.  And having night sweats.  I knew that was my body detoxing.  Well, when I'm around Joth, I always feel like I have to pee.  Then the first day back to work, I can't even make it to my break time.  I have to pee on my breaks AND take several illegal emergency breaks.  So I started thinking that whatever is happening here between us is purifying me and resulting in a detox as well.

So, maybe this healing crisis is due in part to that.  And also with the yoga.  Getting acclimated to a higher vibration.  If I view it all as positive, it makes it a lot easier to deal with.  I feel less like a failure or somebody who suddenly sucks at life or a victim of the weather or a mood disorder and more like an evolving human being on the path to a higher plane of existence.  

I found this also:

Bikram Yoga East York

January 26, 2012 ·

THE HEALING CRISIS
Many of you have been asking me lately, “Why do I feel like I’m going to puke in there?”or “why am I so dizzy? or “why am I breaking out (acne)?” “why do I feel so emotional, angry, etc”. My instinct is always the same -- the healing crisis is at play. Huh?! The Healing Crisis?! Let me explain….
When practicing Bikram Yoga, we stimulate and squeeze our internal organs and glands. When we do this, toxins are often pushed out of our organs and into our blood stream. This is good news! In the hot room, our skin (our lymphatic system) operates like a third kidney, helping to push these toxins out of the body, via our sweat; however, when the body is throwing off toxins faster than they are eliminated, we end up with symptoms of “The Healing Crisis.”
Bikram Yoga offers one way to cleanse and heal the body; another major pathway for detoxification is through our diet / food choices. If you have ever done any form of dietary / organ cleansing in the past, you will likely recall that you have often felt worse on this journey before feeling much better. The same thing happens when we start Bikram Yoga, and the same experience can surface again, and again, as we move onwards on this continuum to becoming cleaner, healthier, and more vibrant.
If you often find yourself lethargic, grumpy, negative, depressed, you would likely benefit from additional cleansing / detoxification. There are so many ways to do this! I am always available at BYC’s clinic to offer support and guidance.
In the meantime, when you feel symptoms of the healing crisis, embrace it the very best you can! Toxins are far better out than in! Help assist your body in flushing these toxins by eating clean food, and by drinking lots of fresh water / herbal teas. You are well on the way towards vibrant health; stay the course…the rewards and potential here are truly limitless!
Teshia Maher / BYC’s Nutritional Consultant

I also read this in another article: Single events do push us into a healing crisis. Repetitive stimulation can also affect us in the same manner. Many dedicated students of yoga may unknowingly enter in and out of the healing crisis with a consistent practice. With each pose and each daily practice a student of yoga begins to unravel the layers of physical and emotional holding within the body. This could be the equivalent of peeling away the many layers of an onion. As the outer layers unfold the next layer presents itself to us as an untold story. We may have been accustomed to experiencing our world from a surface layer when we are thrust into relating from a deeper layer. This new layer has a different story to teach us as new information is revealed.

And they say, a lot of emotion is stored in your hips.  Fear, tension, past trauma.  Childhood stuff.  I've been famous for stuffing things down in order to avoid dealing with them, but never did I ever wonder where did they GO.  It's fascinating to consider that physically, in our very bodies, dwell the emotions we refuse to deal with.  They will manifest in other ways and still need to be addressed.  Now, for me, my hips have ALWAYS been tight.  Well, as far back as I can remember, which would be ballet in kindergarten.  I could always do side splits but never middle splits, and that never changed even all through elementary, junior high, and high school cheerleading.

Now, at age 32, I'm finally opening those hips.  It's never too late to make progress!

Oh, I have AMAZING news to share!  So, I want to say it was like May sometime, I joined the Paradigm Shift community.  Almost instantly, I became rabidly passionate about being part of a movement.  I kept hoping the New Earth Illumination Project would provide that forum for me to get involved in making a difference, but they have yet to actually schedule a meeting.  I have all  these ideas, all this passion, but I don't have the "take-chargishness" to actually START something.  I kept putting it out there, though, that the Universe would guide me to where I could be of service.  To where I was needed.

One of the sister circle girls made this post that really resonated with me, so I reshared it.  Then SHE posted a link to her website, which I promptly checked out.  It's all about getting involved in like FIVE things I'm passionate about!  Starting exactly the kind of movement I feel called to be a part of!  So she's talking about having a meeting soon, and I am SO SO SO SO down.  Exciteed!!!!
Stewards of the Great Lakes

Oh and speaking of the sister circle, the book club is finally meeting again!  For sure, tomorrow night, at 6:30.  I think I will re-read chapter 5, or even chapters 1-5 just to brush up.  I think I'm going to blog my thoughts after reach chapter.  Hey, I just had a bunch of coffee and I'm feeling amazing.  Yayyyyy CAFFEINE!!!!  :)