This is charoite, the stone of transformation. I instantly fell in love with it!
It's been a pretty good weekend. I've been grouchy ever since my last post, though. I was very upbeat and optimistic, even when Rachel had ignored my messages. I didn't get pissy until she actually replied, and I'm not exactly sure why that is. Later that day she texted me to tell me she was sorry to have missed my call to Tristan the previous night and that he had been at a birthday party. She said he had been good and that she was amazed at how far he's come in the past few years.
Of course, I immediately took that as a jab as "see how much better he's doing now that he's with US" and snapped back that she hadn't even been in his life until things had started to get bad, so she had no idea that he had always been that way until we started having issues in kindergarten. I was snotty with her, just like I had been when I told her earlier that day that we could meet up if she wanted to but I'm his mom, he's my child, and he's coming home whatever I have to do to make that happen.
He's always been a good boy. He's always been sweet. I've gotten compliments about him from the shelter we stayed at after I left his dad, the daycare he went to in Hastings, and his pre-K teachers. It wasn't until kindergarten that things took a turn for the worst, and don't get me wrong -- I'm GLAD Blair and Rachel were there to help him during that time. I remember feeling like I was losing him. Not physically losing him, but that he was becoming someone I didn't know. I remember feeling afraid that he'd never be the same sweet boy I had loved and raised for 5 years. I didn't even realize what was going on at the time.
I know it's easy for me to come on here and vilify Rachel, but they honestly saved my son. Are they perfect? No. Do we agree on many things? Nope. But they were there at a time that he really needed something I couldn't give. The only issue is, now that I CAN give him what he needs, I'm getting resistance from them because they're attached to him. I get it, I do. They're screwing up now, with me. But that doesn't mean they've screwed up everything with my son. And that's what's hard -- I AM grateful, but yet I AM going to fight if I have to.
This weekend was nice, we did Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's up north. Tristan was at his dad's but I did have Jewel. I ate too much and drank too much, but hey, that's what the holidays are for. :) Grandma sent me home with lights for the tree and 4 bottles of wine. Blair wasn't up there and everyone got along. The roads were pretty shitty on the way up, but I just took my time. Finally, after 13 years of driving, winter roads don't make me cry. The first few years I would get so worked up about driving in the snow that I made serious plans to move to Florida. Then, for a long time, I would start having anxiety about winter starting as early as September. It would be looming over my head like an oppressive black shadow, ready to descend on me with its misery and doom.
Our trainer's boss at work moved from some southern state and this is his first winter in Michigan. He was telling us that it all depends on perception -- we can get upset about every snowstorm and complain every day about the cold, or take it for what it is and accept that this is just part of living in Michigan. We can't change it, so why get upset about it? That's totally been working for me. I am more anxiety free than I have been any winter in my life.
Speaking of work, Friday I had been in the break area with Ashley and her other friend Mike. She said something about punching him in the face, and he said he'd get one of his new friends to beat her up if she did. I said, "Not me -- I'm non-violent." She said to him, "She's non-violent and I AM violent. See? Opposites attract" What the hell? What did that mean? Does she KNOW I'm attracted to her? Or is SHE attracted to ME? Or did she just mean like on a friend level? I think I'm reading too much into this. That girl is going to drive me crazy. I drew her name for our Secret Santa exchange, too. I'm excited :)
Of course I still have my other crush. It was weird because I never even focused on Wiltmar before, I was busy staring at Raul and really didn't notice anything else. I mean, Wiltmar had come to answer questions for me a time or two, and I thought he was nice, but I didn't really pay much attention to him. At the same moment that I realized Raul is an arrogant, aloof, unfriendly person...in walked Wiltmar...and I saw him in a totally different way than I did before. Ever since that, I can't get him out of my mind. It's serious. This is like one of those schoolgirl crushes where the boy invades your brain and you're almost desperate to somehow magically make him notice you. But, the mistake every girl makes is trying too hard.
There are hundreds of people in that call center though! How do I get his attention? Listen to me, shit. I don't even know if he's single! But he has a great smile. And dimples, I LOVE his dimples! Maybe (after I get my contacts and my tooth fixed next week) I'll just kind of casually mention to some of the girls I work with that I have a thing for him. Maybe it'll get around. Gossip spreads in call centers like wildfire...;)
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