Well, those lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with anything I'm going to talk about. It was just one of the songs that came on during the drive home and I happen to really like it, so there it is.
So, today! Well, I had a dentist appointment today, the first of many more to come. Today's visit was just a very thorough examination, as I haven't been to the dentist in over ten years except to have a tooth pulled. The thing about Medicaid for adults is that there really isn't much coverage for things like fillings and any of the other crap I need to have done. I got good news, though -- my teeth are salvageable, and we're going to get them fixed right up. Before he fixes anything, the dentist is going to schedule a couple cleanings. The bottom front teeth got really crowded together after my braces came off and there are areas that are hard to clean because they're all basically on top of each other. I thought they were dying, but it turns out they have just been accumulating a yucky deposit that has become discolored from all the damn coffee I drink. I do have a few cavities, but it's not too late for fillings. And FINALLY, my front tooth is going to get fixed again so I can stop looking like a backwoods hillbilly.
Having a chipped tooth in the front for the past year has really helped screen out superficial people, though. If someone decides to judge a person based on their dental situation without knowing their story, that person is probably not the type of person I want to associate with anyway. Who knows what people assume when they see my broken tooth? Maybe they think I'm a crackhead. Maybe they think I don't care about my teeth. People have no idea that I broke a shitload of teeth in my car accident and that I'm lucky they were able to save them. As I always say, at least I'm alive -- and that's more than they expected. I'll take a jacked up jaw over an early grave any day. :) Also, I apparently grind my teeth. I was a little surprised to hear that, since no one has ever mentioned it to me before. Perhaps this is a new development? The dentist said it's a subconscious thing and that many people do it while they're sleeping. I just think it's odd that no one I've slept with has ever noticed it before, but it's probably because everyone falls asleep before I do.
There is new drama now in my life. Tristan spent this past weekend at his dad's, then Blair and Rachel picked him up and brought him to my place. I noticed that he had a black eye and a scratch on his nose, so I asked him what happened. He told me he fell off his sister's bed so I left it at that. This morning, Rachel texted me asking if I had seen it and I told her I had. She asked what Tristan had told me, and I told her. She said he had told her that he ran into a wall. Since the stories didn't match up, they were a little concerned. I hope nothing happened, but considering his father's history, it's easy to have doubts. One part of me, though, seriously doubts that he'd be stupid enough to hit Tristan knowing that he'd be totally fucking himself over. He is angry and he is violent, but I have to think that even HE knows he couldn't get away with that. And before you wonder why we allow my son to spend time with an angry violent abuser, well you can thank the court system for that. Honestly FOC is really a big fucking joke. And Barry County court is the most incompetent, inept excuse for a legal system that I could ever imagine.
I mean, really. I paid $3,000 for a lawyer. He followed all appropriate steps to get me sole custody, which the woman in the courtroom confirmed. She stated that day that I had custody and if Andrew wanted to change it, he'd have to file a motion. Fast forward to now, and they mysteriously have no record of that day, that hearing, or any modification to custody. Are their heads really so far up their asses that all of this was just LOST? So guess who suffers now -- an innocent child. All because someone couldn't do their job. It hardly seems fair.
Okay, it's time for me to reel in the bitterness. I know everything happens for a reason and I have to trust the process. But, as Sue said, some processes are hard to trust!
I had the weirdest, most realistic and disturbing dreams last night. It's a new moon now, but I usually only get weird dreams around the full moon. I don't think there was really any message, but I remember in one dream I was so scared. The feelings were so real. It doesn't really make sense because what happened in the dream is not something I fear or even think about in my daily life. I also had a good one, though. I dreamed that I found a cooperative housing place right here in Allegan county, and that all the girls from the sister circle and myself were moving in. It was so real that I had to Google it when I woke up, just to see if it really existed. Alas, it does not. That would be so cool, though!
Well, I'm really tired. I just don't feel up to doing any more writing right now. Good night!
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