Do you know anyone who is bipolar? Are you, perhaps, bipolar yourself? After dealing with this for so many years, I've become very attuned to the signals from my body that I am entering into a depressive or manic phase. Often, this gives me a couple of days to get control of the situation before it overtakes me. Okay, who am I kidding -- it still overtakes me, but this way I can at least plan for it better. It's like knowing a storm is coming -- I can gather up all my batteries, stock up on water and canned goods, and hole up in the basement until it passes. It works out much better than being caught unawares walking about in the street or sitting under a tree, you see?
Anyway, the reason I mention this is that I am most definitely having a manic episode right now. What do I do? I'm supposed to be on Lithium and Risperdal, but I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I don't want to harm the baby. I've sensed this approaching over the past few days -- I've been talking more, faster, unable to keep from interrupting, mind racing with thoughts that I can't keep track of, making lists, can't sleep, extra motivation -- I've been a go go go-getter! In some ways, this is just what I need right now. It's kind of a blessing, because I got my butt in gear and got organized and handled my business. I made a list of things I had to do and systematically crossed them all off. When I encountered a roadblock, I devised a detour. I have a can-do attitude, and without it, I'd be telling a much different story.
I called the Homeless Assessment thing, as you know. I met with them the following morning with a signed letter from my brother stating that I couldn't stay at his house. They told me to call the next day for shelter placement. After I left, I called the YWCA to see if they could put me in THEIR DV shelter. They had a waiting list. Today, I returned a call from my social worker from the health department (I'm part of this maternal infant health program thing that my doctor referred me to) and she gave me some other leads. I called one, Safe Haven, and although they have a waiting list also, they seemed much more willing to help me than the YWCA did. I have an appointment with them on Monday morning. That reminds me, I also have an appointment with my social worker on Monday morning which I should probably reschedule. Anyway.
I got a call from one of the temp agencies and they offered me a full time second shift job which pays $2 more per hour than I make now! I start Monday! I texted Rachel and gave her the news, and she suggested that I stay with my grandparents this weekend. The family will be up there, since my sister is having her baby shower and it is now the beginning of bow hunting season. I called my caseworker at DHS and updated her on all of the changes. Well, that's going to be a pain in my ass -- she needs the market research company, the dry cleaner, AND the porn shop to fill out papers saying that I don't work there anymore. She needs the temp agency to fill one out saying I DO work there now. Ayyyyy! The good news is, they can fax that stuff to her.
Okay, so here's the interesting part. Everything seems to be falling in place now, right? Isn't it funny that my luck was so bad for so long, and now it's finally turning around? I don't think it's a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. Let's say life is a road, okay? When you get off track, let's say you veer onto the shoulder, you hit the rumble strips. Loud noises which alert you that you are not going the right way. If you try to enter onto an exit ramp, you will see brightly colored signs -- DO NOT ENTER, WRONG WAY, etc. Signals to alert you that you are not going the way you are supposed to go. Life, I believe, is much the same way. If we pay attention to signals from the universe, we will see that we are being given guidance -- road signs, if you will. When a lot of things seem to go bad, this is often a signal that we are not on the right path. These are the flashing lights from the universe, trying to tell us -- WRONG WAY!!! When our "luck" seems to return, it is often because we have now aligned ourselves with the path we are supposed to be on.
Other signals from the universe can be in the forms of animals, insects, and other living things. There are also "synchronicities" -- those uncanny coincidences that seem so bizarre, they make you stop and say, "What???". This is the universe telling you to pay attention, something important is going on here. Since the day I met Rachel at the park to discuss Tristan going with them for the school year, I have noticed a lot of insects being drawn to me that I don't see often, especially not within days of one another. I saw a praying mantis, a dragonfly, and a butterfly all in the same five minutes. The next day, I saw a grasshopper who just seemed to appear out of nowhere and land on my windshield as I was driving. I saw a frog the day after that. What do these all symbolize? Change! I paid attention, and prepared for big changes to come. I was not disappointed.
After the devastating fall from the tower, the next card which I would say wraps up my current state of mind is The Star. This is, above all things, hope. Finding love and beauty after the loss of such. Arising from the rubble to see a shining ray of hope, finding a reason to smile and go on after sorrow. This is a positive, optimistic, beautiful card of wonderful possibilities which await.
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