Some amazing things are happening in my life. All I had to do was let go of my expectations and stay in the present moment, aligned with the flow of the universe. I feel like I have been planting seeds and they are starting to sprout, wonderfully amazing blessings cropping up everywhere. I am so grateful and happy, and in awe of the existence I am part of. Just, WOW.
A couple of things have been in the works over the past few days that culminated today. For starters, I saw Sue today at Heart's Journey. I explained to her how I have been trying everything I can with meditation, mantras, yoga, positive thinking, affirmations, binaural beats, subliminal messages, self-hypnosis, and mindfulness to overcome my bipolar naturally. I told her about this article I read that stated that Eastern cultures have less people diagnosed with bipolar and their conclusion that it is 1) all in your head and 2) can be overcome through spiritual discipline.
She surprised me by saying that she thinks I do need some medication. She told me that it is very rare (an anomaly, she said) for her to ever recommend medication. But she said unfortunately in my case my issues are organic and I have no control over them.
She said that people in Eastern cultures have a less stressful lifestyle than people here do, so while those things may be sufficient for most of them, I have other factors to take into account -- my schedule is not in line with my body's natural rhythms for sleeping, I am exposed to a work schedule and technology all day, traffic, and financial stressors. She said maybe if I was working in a rice field all day I could just burn off my extra energy that way and it would work out, but that's not my life.
Also she said that most of the things I'm doing are REACTIVE, and that I should consider doing more things that are PROACTIVE -- like setting my sankalpa (daily intention), telling myself at the beginning of the day that I am calm. She said I need to change my story, and that I AM a peaceful centered person, I am just not accessing it. At the end of the session she taught me the Anamika mudra for self-healing and guided me through a really powerful meditation. I seriously felt like a different person when I was finished -- I'm telling you, that woman is amazing. I can't wait to see her again next week.
So there was that. Secondly, I have missed the last bunch of sister circle meetings because the new moon and full moon have fallen on days that I was working or had the kids. The new moon is on Sunday and she posted an invite, which I'm super excited about because I don't work on Sunday! Also she posted information for us ladies taking a day to do a sweat lodge on a Saturday or Monday, and the Saturday is a day I don't have the kids. So if it gets scheduled for that day, I feel like it would be very beneficial for me to go. I am really looking forward to stepping up my spiritual health.
I notice that in life, certain things ebb and flow, like waves. I go through periods of intense spiritual focus and progress (like now), which are followed by reflective resting periods during which I focus on more mundane matters, like work and my home. Then I enter a new phase of spirituality and eventually flow back into the practical. It is, like everything in nature, all about balance. I am really learning to cherish and appreciate every moment.
The final thing, which may very well be the most stunning thing, is that out of nowhere I started talking to this guy who is unlike anyone I have ever encountered in my life. I really didn't ever plan on dating men ever again, and I was reluctant to engage in any kind of conversation with him at first. But his user name was Third Eye Mindset, which really spoke to me. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I've been talking to him for a few days. Everything he says feels like a script he has pulled right out of my brain. He has talked about chakra balancing, vibrational frequencies, activating the pineal gland, food as medicine (which is something I was just saying I wanted to learn about to incorporate into my holistic approach to my psychological health), the law of attraction, intuition -- everything. It's FREAKY. He even says the same things that I have thought about Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed being "ascended masters", the all paths lead to god thing, what you see in the world is a reflection of what's inside you, and basically echoed my sentiment that my relationship with the divine transcends religion.
If I were to list all the things we have in common, I would be typing for hours. I know that I often get caught up in the infatuation of a romantic attachment and my idealistic nature causes me to get wrapped up in fantasy and expectation, which ultimately lead to reality and disappointment. I'm trying not to do that here. Expectation is the root of all suffering. I'm not going to write the story into the future and plan what his role is going to be in my life because I don't know yet what it will be. I will just trust that I am divinely guided and take each day as it comes. I will tell you, though, the present moment is ripe with wonderful possibilities. I can't wait to find out what's in store for me. :)
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