Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo, now don't tell me, I've nothin' to do...

I have completely wasted this weekend doing NOTHING.  I guess it wasn't a waste,  I got to just sit at home and relax.  It just went by so quickly, though, and I didn't really accomplish anything.  I was supposed to spend the weekend with Holly.  Before I agreed to that, I had made plans to spend Saturday and Sunday night with Shyloh.  Before THAT, it was assumed that I'd be going up to the club with Jason and Lisa on Saturday night.  I did NONE of those things.

Friday was a full moon and an eclipse -- eek.  Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow on top of that, so you can only imagine how this is all affecting me.  I got my period Friday, which I have to admit is pretty awesome.  I love being synched up with the moon -- that means I'll know I'm bleeding when it's full and fertile when it's new.  Not that being fertile matters to me at all right now since I'm not sleeping with men and I don't have any desire to do that again.

Just because I have a girlfriend, though, doesn't mean she's THE girl.  I've just been ignoring her, which I know is completely inconsiderate.  I need to formally break up with her.  It's not fair of me to just cut off contact with no explanation.  The thing is, I don't want to date a married woman!  Even if her husband DOES know, it's an awkward situation.  What happens if he gets jealous 2 years down the road and tells her she needs to get rid of me?  Of course she would choose the husband, with whom she has children.  And then, BAM, I've invested 2 years of my life into another dead end road.  I realize that all relationships come with certain risks, but this is just not what I want.

I started making a list of things I don't want in a relationship, but then I remembered reading that whatever we focus on is what we get more of.  It's better, then, for me to make a list of things I want.  Then I decided I would come here and put it in my blog, for easy reference down the road.

She will be:
Down to earth
Naturally beautiful
Low maintenance
Spiritual
Compassionate
Talkative
Insightful
Open-minded
Intelligent
Genuine
Tolerant
Kind-hearted
Environmentally conscious
Warm hearted
Driven
Decisive
Flexible
Self sufficient
Unique
Loyal
Honest
Assertive
Outgoing
Considerate
Single
Confident
Soulful
Deep
Charismatic
Liberal
Dedicated
Affectionate

SHIT.  As I was typing this, I got the news that my grandma (my dad's mom) now has pneumonia in both lungs.  She was hospitalized last week after a heart attack, then got pneumonia in one lung, now it's in both.  She's 82.  I have a feeling that...I can't even say it.  I'm going to think only positive thoughts and send her healing energy right now.