I know, I'm not really that into pop or top 40 or whatever. But I have to admit, Katy Perry's new song is very empowering. Every time I hear it, I get really pumped up. I feel like I'm taller, brighter, capable, and strong. I'm very happy that this type of positive song is what teen girls today are hearing, and hope that I hear more like it in the future.
It's almost 3:00 AM, so please bear that in mind as you read this. I got out of work an hour ago, of course. I am sipping some raspberry cabernet that my grandma gave me -- freaking DELICIOUS. I love this stuff. Wine is exactly what the doctor ordered, I believe. :)
It is of course still technically a full moon, since the official full moon was Friday. I am feeling her in all her power and glory. I can't remember the last time I felt that channeled universal energy just flowing through my crown chakra and filling me with bliss -- it totally happened on the way home from work tonight. I felt expansive, euphoric, light, and limitless. I felt connected to the source and filled with peace. It was a beautiful, blissful, much-needed moment.
I've been holding in a lot of stress and anxiety. My job has me worried, not seeing my children makes me sad, trying to plan for the future causes me anxiety. I worry about my car, my relationships, my family, being late to work, not being capable of mastering the skills I need to be successful, dropping the ball in regards to getting custody, making one wrong step in a relationship and somehow sabotaging myself. Giving in to a moment of temptation which will have far-reaching consequences. I feel like I have to stay vigilant, be on my toes constantly. It's exhausting. During that blissful moment on the way home, I just completely surrendered. My full moon intention is to grow my confidence, success, inner peace, and relationships with loved ones (including and especially my children). I let go of my worries,expectations, obsessions, fixations, hang-ups, and stress. I just surrendered to the universe. I will align myself with my greater good and follow the flow of the Tao. It's all I can do -- what you resist persists. I must trust that everything is taking place exactly when and how it should.
I'm still having a hard time figuring out what to watch on TV. I set a yoga program up to record, but almost everything else just seems like a sophisticated waste of time. I almost feel like working for a cable company is like sleeping with the enemy. These electronics -- "weapons of mass distraction" -- are part of some greater scheme to keep us all complacent while corruption in chaos continues unnoticed by the oblivious morons sitting in front of the idiot box. At the end of the day, what impact do the sexual escapades of the cast of Jersey Shore have on the functioning of the world as a whole? How are we contributing to society and creating a better world when we are busy staring with rapt attention at a glowing box, eager to find out just WHO is the baby daddy on Maury? REALLY??? Even I can see that this seemingly innocent and harmless diversion is a really SERIOUS tactic to keep us from addressing the real issues at hand! Divide and conquer. Divide and conquer.
Has anyone noticed how people, with the aid of technology, become more and more socially isolated and introverted? Where has our sense of community gone? It will be so much easier to defeat us one by one than if we remain united and supportive. It is SO SO important to stop classifying ourselves into smaller and smaller classes and sub-groups, pitted against one another. For WHAT? Is it REALLY that big of a deal that you cheer for the guys in the green and someone else likes the guys in the yellow? Is it worth turning against each other for? Race, politics, religion, sports, all of it -- we have more commonalities than differences. United we stand, divided we fall!!!
Okay, I went off on a little bit of a tangent. I picture a crazy old lady holding a sign standing on a street corner yelling these things at passers by as they rush to get past her, whispering among themselves. On a side note, my heart is beating really funny.
I have had that problem for as long as I can remember, and after paying attention to it, it seems to happen when I am manic. My theory about mania is that it is not just merely a "state of mind". I believe that when manic, the body is somehow releasing or producing an abundance of some kind of stimulant-like chemical which the body reacts to the same way it would react to speed or cocaine. I sleep less, talk faster, think about sex more, and my heart beats faster. These are not just emotional symptoms, but physical as well. This tells me that being bipolar can't "just be in my head", or my body would not be responding the way it does. In any case, I welcome mania because it brings with it enthusiasm, motivation, energy, and focus. I am not on medication right now. If I begin spiraling into an uncontrollable depression, I may want something for that -- but I do NOT WANT something that will slow me down. Why would I want that? This energy is a gift!
But. I should watch some TV and go to bed. This wine is going to my head. :)
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