I discovered a way as I was driving home from work tonight that mania may be slightly dangerous. It's like being in a constant state of A.D.D., which is why one of my psychiatrists believed that I was mistakenly diagnosed with A.D.D. when I was 15. He thinks the diagnosis was incorrect and that it was just my bipolar symptoms presenting. Anywho, I was driving down the highway and got behind a truck which was going pretty slow. Instantly, without thinking, I grabbed my phone and I was about to start playing on Facebook -- as I drove! Thank goodness I realized how unsafe that was. What am I going to do with myself???
Speaking of the ride home, I noticed snowflakes falling. I guess this would be an appropriate time to accept that summer is over. :) I have been complaining about things all day, but I realized after work that I just need to re-frame things and they are all positive. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Winter is beautiful. I am looking forward to snuggling with my family and having quality conversations over steaming mugs. The feeling of being snuggled up in a warm fluffy blanket. The peaceful feeling of being curled up on the couch with a good book. The pristine beauty of snow blanketing the earth. I dread every winter, but this year I've decided to get excited about it. It's a chance to switch up my wardrobe, try new recipes (because who likes baking when it's hot out???), see new movies, learn new things.
Also I was disappointed at one of the modules we learned in training. I was being very grouchy about it because I felt that it was taught very poorly and the reference materials were not adequate to be able to explain the procedure on their own. I got through the task but had no idea how I had done it, and none of the instructions given had been clear at all. No step by step procedure was provided and I was so frustrated. BUT, then I realized how lucky I am to have this job to begin with.
When you include shift differential, I'm actually making MORE than I did at my last job. Besides THAT, I have benefits, so I can get my teeth fixed -- which is a big deal to me. I broke some teeth in my car accident and the cap on my front tooth broke off, so I've been dealing with that for over a year. I'm accustomed to it and it doesn't bother me, but I do feel like people judge me because of it. They probably think I smoked too much crack or something.
Anyway, so I'll have paid sick days, 2 weeks of paid vacation, paid holidays (or double time if you work on a holiday), tuition reimbursement, AND commission of about 600-900 PER MONTH on top of what I'm making already. In short, I can overlook the imperfections of this job. I will any frustration or dissatisfaction and remember to put it in perspective. I can deal with an unclear module -- it's certainly not worth quitting over.
OH. So you remember my full moon intention, to grow my energy and motivation and all that? WELL. This morning after I woke up, I did yoga. Then, I grabbed my hoop and turned on some music and got a GREAT, invigorating, mood-lifting workout. I felt like a million bucks. I was in such a good mood on the way to work, noticing the breathtaking beauty of the rays of sun poking randomly through the clouds streaked across the sky. I think we really take for granted most of the time the beauty of the world that surrounds us. There's so much to be grateful for.
Oh, AND we're starting a running club at work. Yes!!! My running shoes have been sitting in my car, unused for 3 weeks. My mom signed me up to run a 5k on December 1 (eeek!) so I really need to be training. This is JUST the motivation I needed. :) Well, I'm drinking wine again, so I should probably cut this short. Good night!
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