Ayurveda. I can't get enough, I have this insatiable thirst for knowledge and everything I learn resonates so deeply with me. I want to use this to help people. It's funny because at one point my mom, sister, and sister-in-law all worked in the health care field. I felt like the odd one out because I have no interest in working in health care. HAD. I have a PASSION for Ayurveda. I want to help people heal the root cause, not cover up the symptoms. To help promote a healthy mind/body/spirit balance. To focus on the interconnectedness of all things and to understand the effects of the things we put into our bodies, the importance of the energy we take in and put out. How to restore balance holistically. I'm so INTO this!
I've listened to a few lectures, taken some notes, and have ordered three books from half.com. This is all I can do for right now because the money which I will pay in order to get an actual certification and become a legitimate Ayurvedic practitioner is manifesting now. But wow, how this discovery has sparked a new feeling inside me! I feel like finally, I'm on a path, not just spinning my wheels. All of my life I have felt like I go a short distance in every direction and never really get anywhere. However, all of those short trips have led me to discover this path. I mean, I can see it -- I'll be certified by age 35, and by the time I'm 60 I'll be like that wise old medicine woman with all this knowledge and experience. Okay, I know 60 really isn't old. I had to adjust my perspective on that just a wee bit. :)
I read somewhere that life doesn't begin until 40, everything up to that point is just research. I really like that. I used to feel about life this great pressure to figure it out, get it accomplished, like this giant hourglass was running in the background. Nature doesn't hurry, yet everything gets done. Time doesn't matter. Getting old doesn't need to scare me. I was once quite vain, I thought that what mattered most in life was youth and beauty. I felt like my worth was directly related to how much of each I had, and would diminish with time as I aged. That's a bunch of ridiculous patriarchal ego-driven propaganda and I was a fool to believe it.
I am worthy, exceptional, beautiful, and right in every moment and every way for every single moment of my life. I may be in or out of balance, but my value does not change. I can sense a deep and profound change within myself, and while I honor and cherish it, I know that it doesn't put me above anyone else. I may have reached a deeper level of awareness than some, but there are others far more enlightened than me. We are all in the same game, just on different levels. Our job is to learn from those in levels above ours and teach those in levels below ours, without judgement, because we once stood where they stand.
The only thing I still struggle with is making a daily meditation practice. I know, I know -- I'm a hypocrite! I constantly tout the benefits of meditation, urge my kids to do it, share millions of pro-meditation pictures and have joined about a dozen groups dedicated to various forms of meditation. But do I do it?
The only time I ever slow my mind down is during Savasana. Even then, I stay in corpse pose with my eyes closed MAYBE two minutes. I read that for a Vata dosha, FIFTEEN minutes is recommended. 15!!!! As impossible as that sounds, I was listening to this lecture on Ayurveda and the instructor was saying that when you are out of balance, the thing that will help you the most is the last thing you want to do -- and what you crave will make it worse. Because like attracts like. So if my mind is moving too fast, I will just crave more things that will keep it fast -- caffeine, sugar, rapidly changing routine. Skipping meals. But really what I NEED is 15 minutes of meditation. Order. Regular mealtimes. Heavier foods. Weird how that works, huh?
Well this entry is getting long. But I have a date Friday!!!! So I wanted to talk about that. I mean like, a real, true, honest-to-goodness DATE. Not, "I am married and live with my wife so can I come over and chill?" (We all know what that means). Not "I live with my mom and I don't drive so I need you to pick me up and we'll go somewhere." Not "Let's meet up for drinks because all I really want to do is get you drunk so I can get in your pants". Sooooooo, I'm excited -- but nervous! How long has it been since I went on an actual date? I don't even know what I'm going to wear. I'm getting my hair trimmed and my roots touched up today, I'm going to do my nails, buy new makeup, put on one of those mud mask things...all of it. Because it means a lot to me that I'm important enough to be treated with the respect I deserve and to be approached like a lady to be cherished, not some hoe to be used and discarded. And he's SO cool! I mean, he seems to be the perfect blend of fun and responsible. Offbeat enough to be interesting, yet (from what I can tell so far) someone I could bring around my family and they'd respect him. I can't get TOO excited though -- expectations are the root of all suffering. So I'm taking it moment by moment, allowing myself the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe my bad dating luck may have changed. We'll see. :)
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