And if you're going, to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair...

Yoga went great today!  So, yeah, I'm "sick" again.  I SWEAR I'm not abusing my sick time -- today was so bad in Allegan county that they are ticketing people who are out there driving.  I couldn't have gotten out of the parking lot if I tried, anyway.  The countdown to Memorial Day has officially begun!

Yesterday I worked.  I'm getting conflicting information about what they want from me, which is making it harder for me to do my job efficiently.  First, I had a coaching session with my supervisor who told me I talk too fast, I need to slow down, I need to ask more questions, I need to spend more time developing a relationship with the customer.  Okay.  Two days later (yesterday), I'm doing exactly that and I get an email from another supervisor with the subject "long call" because I had been on it for 13.5 minutes.  Then later, we all get an email from my supervisor asking us to keep our calls under ten minutes.  So what do you want???  Slow down, or speed up???  Sheesh.

I got home from work last night and couldn't even do yoga.  I felt very flat and low energy.  I definitely can't say it was lack of nutrition, though -- when I got home, within 20 minutes I had eaten a quesadilla, a baked potato, a hard boiled egg, and a string cheese.  Oh yeah, then I had a vanilla pudding.  I know, right???  But, in my defense, I hadn't eaten all day.  Also, the new moon is in 3 days so I'm expecting my monthly visitor.  Maybe that's why yoga was such an epic fail -- my body was already working so hard digesting all that food!  The day before was much the same.  I had been eating all day and endeavored to make it through an hour of yoga but had to tap out in the second half hour.  I just decided to honor my body.

Today, though -- TODAY!!  Today was phenomenal.  I felt amazing, and I nailed all the poses like a pro.  My balance was on, my endurance was running strong, and my flexibility has markedly improved.  I felt like a yoga superstar!  There was even one point, I kid you not, that I was in some pose balanced on my left hand and foot, looking up at my right hand with my right leg up, and I honestly saw my aura.  I know if you're a skeptic you think I'm totally bullshitting right now, or that I need some medication.  I will honestly say that this is the first time in my life it has happened (sober) and it was unmistakable.  It was awe-inspiring.  I saw a bright green light, surrounding the perimeter of my body.  Fucking fantastic.  :)

After yoga, I laid in savasana for a really long time.  It felt so good, and I almost felt paralyzed.  Not a panic-inducing paralyzed, just comfortably glued to the ground.  No place to be.  No rush to do anything.  Just soaking up the goodness.

And, just in case you were wondering about whether I've lost interest in Ayurveda or not, the answer is a resounding NO!  I have about 25 pages by this point of handwritten notes.  I've watched two lectures and two documentaries.  I have truly found my passion.  I am in love with life!!!!

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love...

Hi!  I'm, uhhhhh, sick today, so I'm not at work.  I have been working there since October 7 and haven't missed a day.  I have braved the rain, and the ice, and the polar vortex to be at work.  I have been there early every day.  So, you know what, I shouldn't feel bad about today (but I do) because this morning when I turned on the news, it said "Sheriff department warns people STAY OFF THE ROADS".  So, I did.  Who would come rescue me if I went into a ditch?  Shoot, last night it took me 2 HOURS to get home!  It's a half hour drive!  This winter is really testing my patience.

So anyway, that's camel pose.  That's what I can do now...and THIS is what I hope to be able to do in a month:

I was making my coffee, standing in the kitchen and had this sudden thought that I could totally be, like, a monk.  Totally devoted to a spiritual path, right?  I got excited, because I realized I no longer feel the need for worldly pleasures like sex, drugs, alcohol...oh, but fuck.  Never mind.  It occurs to me, as I'm stirring sugar into my coffee, that I AM dependent on caffeine.  Not quite monk status yet.  ;)

Speaking of sex, though, I really want to point out what an amazing transformation it's been.  Part of being bipolar, for some people, is a condition called "hypersexuality".  It is one manifestation of a manic episode.  When I was first diagnosed, I argued with the psychiatrist.  I told him I could not be bipolar, because I don't beat people up or become enraged.  That, to me, was a hallmark of bipolar -- rage and violence.  He told me, no, you don't beat people up -- you sleep with them.  Which I guess makes sense.  Bottom line, in a manic episode you are filled with an extremely high amount of ENERGY.  It's fire.  That fire can be channeled into anger...or passion....lust.  Anyway, I was a by-the-book sex addict.  I felt that I truly couldn't control it, that I was a slave to my desires.

I remember previous relationships.  I would go into them, dreading that inevitable indiscretion.  I would promise myself, THIS time, I won't screw up.  But I always did.  I didn't want to keep hurting people and I felt I couldn't control myself.  So, when I got with Dwight (my second husband) I insisted that we have an open relationship.  I thought I covered myself that way, but when I did sleep with other guys, he got really angry and that was the end of that marriage.  And yes, that's how my first marriage ended as well -- except that one wasn't an open relationship.

I can't really explain how it happened.  Is it because I've been dealing with this for so long that I finally figured out how to control it?  Has it lessened?  Was there some magic cure?  I remember when the relationship with Noe was beyond toxic, I kept going back to feed that addiction.  I think there were other factors at play there, too, like other addictions and a psychopathic bond.  Regardless, though, this problem has kept me in bad situations or PUT me in bad situations more than once.  But I haven't been overcome by the same urges in almost a year.  What happened?  Is it lying dormant?  I have not had sex SINCE NOVEMBER.  It's almost FEBRUARY!  For me, this is monumental.  I don't know if I've gone that long without sex since I lost my virginity.

It feels good, though, to be a slave to nothing.  Well, nothing but coffee.  Nothing controls me but ME.  Nothing influences my decisions but my own thoughts.  Nothing imprisons me, I am free.

Along that same line of thinking, I was noticing yesterday that I think my trend of catastrophic winters has ended as well.  I do believe I'm still bipolar, whatever that even means.  I'm the same person I was before.  I have the same brain I had before and it works the same way it always has.  But, my lows don't dip into the below freezing (to use an analogy that hits really close to home right now!), and my highs don't set me on fire.  I think it's the evolution of my own consciousness, my awareness which has allowed me to notice and address the imbalance before it snowballs. (ha.  snowball.)  I am not even a prisoner of my diagnosis.  It does not limit me or define me.  I am in control of ME, no matter what my perceived limitations may be.  

What a wonderful feeling this is.  I feel like my life has only just begun.  :)

Don't worry, about a thing...'cause every little thing, gonna be alright...

Oh, yes.  I did that pose today.  It's actually not that hard, but it looks really impressive.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last post, but I have finally discovered my life's passion!  I love to write, and I'm good at it.  But it never gave me that feeling that people describe when they describe aligning with their true purpose.  As a matter of fact, envisioning myself as a published author filled me with anxiety, not excitement.  All of my life, up to this moment, has been preparing me to discover the direction I want to take with my life.

Ayurveda.  I can't get enough, I have this insatiable thirst for knowledge and everything I learn resonates so deeply with me.  I want to use this to help people.  It's funny because at one point my mom, sister, and sister-in-law all worked in the health care field.  I felt like the odd one out because I have no interest in working in health care.  HAD.  I have a PASSION for Ayurveda.  I want to help people heal the root cause, not cover up the symptoms.  To help promote a healthy mind/body/spirit balance.  To focus on the interconnectedness of all things and  to understand the effects of the things we put into our bodies, the importance of the energy we take in and put out.  How to restore balance holistically.  I'm so INTO this!

I've listened to a few lectures, taken some notes, and have ordered three books from half.com.  This is all I can do for right now because the money which I will pay in order to get an actual certification and become a legitimate Ayurvedic practitioner is manifesting now.  But wow, how this discovery has sparked a new feeling inside me!  I feel like finally, I'm on a path, not just spinning my wheels.  All of my life I have felt like I go a short distance in every direction and never really get anywhere.  However, all of those short trips have led me to discover this path.  I mean, I can see it -- I'll be certified by age 35, and by the time I'm 60 I'll be like that wise old medicine woman with all this knowledge and experience.  Okay, I know 60 really isn't old.  I had to adjust my perspective on that just a wee bit.  :)

I read somewhere that life doesn't begin until 40, everything up to that point is just research.  I really like that.  I used to feel about life this great pressure to figure it out, get it accomplished, like this giant hourglass was running in the background.  Nature doesn't hurry, yet everything gets done.  Time doesn't matter.  Getting old doesn't need to scare me.  I was once quite vain, I thought that what mattered most in life was youth and beauty.  I felt like my worth was directly related to how much of each I had, and would diminish with time as I aged.  That's a bunch of ridiculous patriarchal ego-driven propaganda and I was a fool to believe it.

I am worthy, exceptional, beautiful, and right in every moment and every way for every single moment of my life.  I may be in or out of balance, but my value does not change.  I can sense a deep and profound change within myself, and while I honor and cherish it, I know that it doesn't put me above anyone else.  I may have reached a deeper level of awareness than some, but there are others far more enlightened than me.  We are all in the same game, just on different levels.  Our job is to learn from those in levels above ours and teach those in levels below ours, without judgement, because we once stood where they stand.  

The only thing I still struggle with is making a daily meditation practice.  I know, I know -- I'm a hypocrite!  I constantly tout the benefits of meditation, urge my kids to do it, share millions of pro-meditation pictures and have joined about a dozen groups dedicated to various forms of meditation.  But do I do it?  

The only time I ever slow my mind down is during Savasana.  Even then, I stay in corpse pose with my eyes closed MAYBE two minutes.  I read that for a Vata dosha, FIFTEEN minutes is recommended.  15!!!!  As impossible as that sounds, I was listening to this lecture on Ayurveda and the instructor was saying that when you are out of balance, the thing that will help you the most is the last thing you want to do -- and what you crave will make it worse.  Because like attracts like.  So if my mind is moving too fast, I will just crave more things that will keep it fast -- caffeine, sugar, rapidly changing routine.  Skipping meals.  But really what I NEED is 15 minutes of meditation.  Order.  Regular mealtimes.  Heavier foods.  Weird how that works, huh?

Well this entry is getting long.  But I have a date Friday!!!!  So I wanted to talk about that.  I mean like, a real, true, honest-to-goodness DATE.  Not, "I am married and live with my wife so can I come over and chill?"  (We all know what that means).  Not "I live with my mom and I don't drive so I need you to pick me up and we'll go somewhere."  Not "Let's meet up for drinks because all I really want to do is get you drunk so I can get in your pants".  Sooooooo, I'm excited -- but nervous!  How long has it been since I went on an actual date?  I don't even know what I'm going to wear.  I'm getting my hair trimmed and my roots touched up today, I'm going to do my nails, buy new makeup, put on one of those mud mask things...all of it.  Because it means a lot to me that I'm important enough to be treated with the respect I deserve and to be approached like a lady to be cherished, not some hoe to be used and discarded.  And he's SO cool!  I mean, he seems to be the perfect blend of fun and responsible.  Offbeat enough to be interesting, yet (from what I can tell so far) someone I could bring around my family and they'd respect him.  I can't get TOO excited though -- expectations are the root of all suffering.  So I'm taking it moment by moment, allowing myself the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe my bad dating luck may have changed.  We'll see.  :)

I'm kinda older than I was when I rebelled without a care...

Happy full moon!  It's the last day of my "weekend", and I feel recharged and happy.  It has gone well having Tristan here; I just need to make a mental note to myself to get him some more socks and also to get quarters so I can do laundry this weekend.  He hasn't wet the bed, he's been  good at school, and we've spent some quality time as a family.  Juju was here Monday and Tuesday night until 7:30 as well.  She said she wants to turn my boss into a chicken nugget and eat him for making me work weekends, but although I don't have her overnight right now, we actually get more time together than we did on my old schedule.  It'll be great in the summer, or when I get a Monday-Friday schedule.

I was contemplating joining a hot yoga class, but after doing an hour in my 80 degree apartment, I decided that's definitely not for me.  I felt lightheaded, dizzy, and now I'm a bit nauseated.  I've never tolerated extreme heat well.  I don't even like sitting in a hot tub very long.  But, now that it's over, I do feel great.  

I signed up for a free Ayurveda course, I'm very excited.  I have this thirst for knowledge right now, so I'm going to take advantage of it and learn all I can while the drive to do so lasts.  Oh!  So you know how I was just saying I needed some sister circle time?  Well, full moon circle tonight!  It's at 7:30 and Tristan is getting picked up around 5:30, so I can totally make it.  I haven't made it since the November new moon, so I'm very excited.  It's like I have this part of me, like a battery, which needs to be recharged every so often by being in the company of certain types of people.  It feels nourishing for my soul.

I wanted to write more, but I'm still feeling like I might vomit.  I should have eaten something.  Well, I might post again before Tuesday.  Maybe not.  Oh well, peace out!

Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my achin' soul?

Whew!  I didn't write for a while, everything was totally okay, just adjusting to my new schedule.  Today is my "Saturday" so I finally have a day off.  I'm having a great day!  I'm sipping my coffee, listening to Lana del Rey, and cleaning the house.  It's hard to focus on what I'm typing when I'm listening to music with words, though -- my mind wants to listen to the lyrics AND think of the words I am typing.  It doesn't go so well.

Soooooooo, let's see.  I've been doing really well on the new schedule, despite some awful weather.  I made it there by no later than 7:30 because I'm scared to death of being late.  It feels good to be one of those conscientious employees who always shows up early.  The problem is, this behavior for me has IN THE PAST tended to be a part of a pattern and has not lasted.  Emphasis on IN THE PAST because I'm now living an excuse-free life and claiming the destiny I want by taking charge of my own life.  Which means that if I want to be there early every single day, well then I WILL be.

I've been learning so much about our brain, and our world, and the interplay of energies and thoughts and feelings and behaviors.  I've always been so fascinated by the way people think, and what makes them do what they do, and how certain behaviors develop.  It makes me more comfortable to think of things as black and white, but nothing is so clear cut.  We have our early programming, behaviors we witnessed, things we were told, manipulation and propaganda from the media, slanting of facts, "positioning" by sales people, history being revised and lost, chemicals and ingredients in the foods we eat, flouride calcifying our pineal glands, being affected by barometric pressure and UV rays, different colors affecting our moods, "triggers" implanted from early childhood...the human brain and society as a whole is this confusing, complex, tragic and beautiful chaotic puzzle which no one will ever solve.

I saw this picture on Facebook which said that Japanese scientists believe the universe is a hologram.  Wrap your mind around THAT!  Of course, anything is possible.  That gave me a hunger to learn more, so I googled "free quantum physics course".  I found a BUNCH of free college courses online at MIT!  Of course, you don't get college credits for them -- but still, if you're into learning for the sake of learning, it's like a treasure trove!!  I'm so excited to learn about whatever I want.  I was browsing the courses and I felt like a kid in a candy store -- and it's perfect for me, because there are no deadlines, no grades, no costs.  Just information, to learn or not to learn, to pick and choose the courses that interest you, at your own pace.

When I got out of work yesterday, I picked up Juju from daycare and Rachel had said she'd drop Tristan off by 5:30.  Of course, she was late.  I texted her twice and got no response.  Of course, she claimed her phone was dead.  In those moments, while I was pacing in my kitchen, fuming, I grabbed a hold of my consciousness and said NOW.  THIS is the time to practice being love.  THIS is the time to figure out how to act without ego without laying myself out to be trampled by the egos of others.  THIS anger and frustration are the teachers I need to use in order to elevate myself beyond my previous reactions.  I'll be honest, I didn't know WHAT to do.  I really still don't.  All I know is, I refrained from sending snarky texts about her always being late and always having an excuse and being undependable.  When she got to my house, somehow I just smiled and talked with her.  I decided to release my anger and just focus on good, all the time, even when some things suck.  There's always something good to focus on.  It was hard.  

And I don't know if it's complete, yet, because there's no answer for how to behave when you constantly get the short end of the stick in being the kind person in interactions with an unkind person.  I just hope life will teach me how to be loving without being taken advantage of, how to be kind without getting hurt, how to be compassionate without being vulnerable to predators.  And maybe this uncertainty is what leads certain people to be the way they are.  Maybe we ARE all good inside, but some are afraid of the consequences of being open, and their hostility is a shield.

Speaking of good and bad, I was doing some thinking in the shower.  People think we're so much more enlightened now, and somehow we've magically progressed past the atrocities of the barbaric middle ages.  But when I look at it over time, I feel like there is always just the same amount of good, and the same amount of "evil".  There is always a balance.  Some things get better, some things get worse.  Just look at the 50's -- a lot of people see those as the "good old days" because children were more respectful and perhaps there was less crime.  But what they DON'T mention is the racism, the sexism, the wives subjugated to their husbands, the unfair job market for women, the rampant violent "parenting" which was accepted as norm.  Now, they say children are less respectful, but there is more compassion in parenting.  We have come a long way in reaching equality, but more children raised in single-parent homes are growing up to have issues.  My point is, every step we take forward in ONE area seems to be compensated with a step backward in ANOTHER.  And I believe that's intentional.  Things will always, always remain in balance.  Like the picture of the yin yang -- one side isn't going to get bigger than the other, ever.

So what does this mean for the purpose of life?  I used to believe it was all about good defeating evil.  I no longer think that's the case.  I think it's each one of us going through a trial here on this earth with the same exact ratio in order to elevate and enlighten ourselves through the trials provided by this dichotomy.  This is our training grounds, the challenges are what refine us, the rewards are what nurture us.  The courses may change, but the lessons are the same.  It's not so much about saving the earth, it's about saving ourselves through the challenges we face ON the earth.  That might sound a little far out, but it's what I currently believe.  And I think I might be on to something.  There's always going to be something bad going on.  If you eliminate nailing people to crosses, people start beheading each other.  Do away with the guillotine and introduce the gallows.  It used to be accepted to burn women at the stake and now we speak of that portion of our history as if people today are no longer capable of such barbarism, but it's still here.  It's not up to us to change others, we can't.  We're here to change ourselves and we do that by choosing the ways we respond to the circumstances we face.

Okay I think I've typed enough.  Time for yoga!!

Wherefore art thou, Romeo? Where have all the brave men gone? Show me a man who knows his own heart, to him I shall belong...

Good afternoon!  Wellllll, it's still pretty snowy out there.  I think the "blizzard" is tapering off, though, and now we just have the snow that fell blowing around causing visibility issues.  Oh, and insanely cold temperatures.  The parking lot here where I live finally got plowed, however there is now a giant pile of snow behind my car.  Grrrrrr....I'm going to be SO GRATEFUL for springtime!  

I can't say that the forced solitude has been entirely bad for me, though.  I've spent a lot of time thinking and planning, getting in touch with my innermost self.  It's been a time of spiritual nourishment.  I did an hour of yoga today and I think I'm due for a nice, long, peaceful meditation.  Just let it all go.  Get back into balance, release anything that no longer serves me.  Sometimes I get so tired from holding on to so much.  I forget that I don't have to.  Sometimes when I'm driving in my car and I think about an infuriating thing that Rachel said and start to get all worked up about it, I just tell myself  that I do not own these feelings.  I do not choose this anger.  She may have intended to cause it but I don't have to accept it.  What she says and what she thinks are not about me.  It's hard for me to tell myself that what other people think of me is none of my business, but it's true.  I don't need their approval or validation.  However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't crave it anyway.

I'm reading this book, I think I mentioned that.  Excuses Begone.  I got halfway through it yesterday and it's really been eye-opening.  It feels so good to know that I'm not crazy, to read someone else has put into print the things I think in my head.  It's nice to feel like I'm not alone.  As much as I'm about diversity and embracing our differences, it gets lonely sometimes out there in the world.  At work, the first question people usually ask one another is what church they go to.  I join in conversations even when I respectfully disagree, but I grow weary sometimes of being around people who don't understand me, who don't see the world as I do.  I understand a certain part of my mission is to open hearts and minds, but at times I just want to relax in the comfort and acceptance of like-minded people.  To be reassured that I AM okay, and loved, exactly the way I am.  It sounds like I need a good dose of Sister Circle.  :)

My sister texted me today and said that my Uncle Lynn (my grandma's sister's husband -- great-uncle) probably won't make it through the night and is at home with hospice.  Or something like that.  I always feel strange when it comes to death -- it doesn't really bother me.  I guess I feel like it's supposed to, or people expect me to feel a certain way.  I wonder what they think of me when they see me calmly accepting it.  Then again, no one very close to me has ever died.  Yes, I have known Uncle Lynn since I was a baby.  I'm at peace with this because it's part of life.  Now ask me how I'd feel if it were one of my children and you'd get a different reaction.  Why?  Because of how it affects ME.  Now I have to live the rest of my life without this person I love very much.  I will miss out on the companionship I looked forward to.  I will miss the joy of this person's presence.  It still isn't about me having a problem with death, it's about me having a problem with missing someone.  Which is why I grieved more over Sienna's adoption than I ever have over the death of anyone.  Grief isn't about death.  Sometimes there is grief without death; sometimes there is death without grief.  

So, I was watching this documentary on Ayurveda last night.  I had a realization about myself.  They were discussing how the field of medicine should be approached with care because it's easy to become corrupt when you are essentially profiting from the suffering of others.  They mentioned something about desire being the root of all evil.  Of course, this is a commonly held theme in Buddhism about being free of attachment and desire, so I'm familiar with it.  However, I suddenly understood something about myself.  

Since the time I first lived on my own and knew what it was to have nothing, I have not desired much materially and not had much attachment to worldly things.  I don't care about "stuff".  I have what I have, I don't have what I don't have, and I'm content with that.  I think this is why I can't (won't) save money -- it makes no difference to me what I do with it.  I could blow it on random stupid things, buy a bunch of things for the kids, give it away, take friends out for dinner, whatever.  I always feel  this pressing need to just hurry up and get rid of it.  

I think the reason is that, if I have money just sitting there, I start thinking about the things I could spend it on.  And there, where there previously was no desire, suddenly desire arises for things I don't have that I want.  I don't want to want anything.  And if I can't buy it, there's no sense in wanting it.  Does that make sense?  Maybe only to me.  In any case, I'm going to give half of each commission check to my sister to put away for me.  Out of sight, out of mind.  One girl at work said her commission checks are never below $1,200.  I could save for everything my kids could possibly need, daycare, a lawyer, anything!  But only if it's out of sight.  Anyway it's time for me to do my meditation and hopefully go get the kids, I'm waiting to hear back from Rachel on how the roads are by her house.  Peace!

She only drinks coffee at midnight, when the moment is not right; her timing is quite -- unusual; you see her confidence is tragic, and her intuition magic; the shape of her body -- unusual...

No, I have not been depressed.  I have been at peace and well with the coming of the new year and new moon.  I had the kids extra time during their winter break and didn't want to sacrifice any of the time I could spend with them on blogging, which I knew could wait.

I'm very excited about this new year, it began with a spectacular new moon.  I noticed with curiosity that my period was very, very late -- almost two weeks.  I wasn't really worried, though, since I haven't had sex.  Can you believe that?  I always thought I couldn't live without sex.  But that's just one of many vices I was using to try to appease the "hungry ghost".  Now that I have found peace within myself, I don't find myself craving external comforts as much.  (As MUCH.  I AM still human...)

Anyway, so here comes the new moon, it's New Year's Eve and I'm at work.  I notice a lot of synchronicities happening that night at work, which always gives me a little thrill of delight.  I wanted to tell the universe, "YES, I hear you!"  It was amazing.  I wish I had written everything down, but it was just little things -- like I would start wondering about some random topic, and the girl next to me would start talking about it out of nowhere.  It made me feel like I was on the right track.  I got home from work, and -- BAM.  There's my period, first day of the new moon.  I thought that was pretty awesome.  I read somewhere that originally in ancient times, EVERY woman's period was synchronized with the new moon so that we would be fertile on the full.  I haven't bled on a new moon in a very long time, so I wonder if this means I'm getting back to my natural state.  Or something.  Who knows.

I didn't really make a new year's resolution, but I had some ideas fermenting in my mind about things I wanted to focus on in 2014.  I decided to choose one area of focus (aside from what I am already doing, which is being an awesome mom).  This year is the year of yoga -- not just regular, committed practice, but study of the sutras.  Applying yogic principles in my every day life.  Living a life inspired by all the branches of yoga -- being ABOUT it.  When the time was right, which happened to be yesterday, I made my vision board and set it as my desktop.  Idea!  Instead of a gemstone, I'll share that as my picture today.  I did it virtually because I didn't want to buy a bunch of magazines just to cut up.  

Also, another area of focus is food.   (So let's say my MAJOR this year is yoga, then my MINOR is healthy eating).  I want to buy more organic food, learn more vegan recipes, eat more superfoods.  I want to learn more about food as medicine and nutrients which will contribute to my optimum spiritual, psychological, mental, and physical health.  I am quietly devoted to a vegetarian diet; I don't want to talk about it or mention it to people because I find that a lot of meat eaters feel the need to justify their OWN choices just because mine are different.  I'm not judging or condemning anyone for eating meat, I just personally choose not to.  I'm just tired of the people who feel the need to inform me how unhealthy a vegetarian diet is (because I suppose a steady diet of deep fried foods and double cheeseburgers from McDonald's IS healthy...), or ask me where I get my protein, or make stupid jokes about plants having feelings.

Yesterday was my first day on the early shift.  It wasn't so bad, I had gone to sleep at 9:30 the previous night and woke up SUPER early because of the weather.  We are having a "snowpocalypse" right now -- seriously, half the state is shut down and I don't think I could get anywhere today if I tried.  I'm kind of bummed because today is Jewel's birthday and there's no way I can make it down Blair and Rachel's road to get Tristan, or to Jewel's house.  I took it in stride, though, and decided to make the most of the day.  I did some yoga, am drinking some coffee, and as soon as I get done blogging I'm going to read this Wayne Dyer book, "Excuses Begone!"  Luckily, I had taken today off as a floating holiday for court regarding that suspended license thing, but then I had to call and let them know I couldn't make it.  They said it was okay but I do have to be there February 13.  And I have the next two days off because it's my "weekend".

I am listening to some Tibetan singing bowls in the background while I type this.  It's nice and relaxing.  My apartment is clean and filled with a wonderful energy -- I got a couple more small pictures from Goodwill and hung them up.  One is in the kitchen and says, "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness" and the other is above my closet and has a bunch of peace signs with the words, "Peace, Love, and Harmony" below it.  The place looks nice.  My neighbor also had noticed that I didn't have a TV stand and kindly gave me one on Saturday night.  Things are really coming along.  I am so blessed :)  

Well, I should go.  I still have this book to read and more yoga to do.  Namaste!