Also, I was thinking for the kids, we don’t have to go crazy. Last year I had $600 more available per month so of course we can’t go all out, but they’ll be getting stuff from my parents and grandparents and maybe your mom and jewel from her dad’s family and Austin from his mom’s family so it might be okay to make a big deal of the day, like making crafts and listening to holiday music while drinking eggnog and eating cookies, that type of thing, read our story, and one special gift from us. I want to get Jewel an art set, like a big girl oil painting with some canvasses and brushes type deal, and for Tristan a guitar would be good. What do you think would be special for Austin?
I know yku think ima a liar but i have been magical my whole life. Just gotta get throughbmy skull you're not gonna believe me no matter what and stop opening my mouth
But theres bothing i can say to make you believe in me. You'll always just assume that doubting doesnt affect it and that its always this way and somehow my pqst isbfalse
Go ahead and belittle me now. But i keep thinking about what its like to always know 5hat someone thibks yo7r lying about anhthing even if youve proven it
Signing off. Cant. Nope.
No more
No more
whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I just came back to facebook to see all this, I don't know where your head is at, I'm trying to come up with ways to have an awesome holiday...not saying or implying anything whatsoever about you. You can get mad if you want to, but my only motivation is joy and happiness. Feel free to turn that into self-righteous rage if you'd like, not my problem.
Oh its not this its everything said this last week. To me, to the kids, then to me the day after. You calling me a liar. That was the straw
Been hold8ng it in. Trying to weather that stab
Hmm so yeah, when I'm trying to cheerfully plan fun family holiday times is the perfect time to lash out like that.
When did I call you a liar? Friday night was the blowout, I behaved inappropriately, and I apologized. Past that, I have done nothing that requires an apology. You are now behaving inappropriately, yet I don't expect that YOU will apologize. It's okay, I won't hold my breath.
Psh
You've been trying to destroy for soo long.
I realized i had been. Coaching myself to have continued faith in someone who would talk to me and about me the way you do. Oh and like when you go pn your tirades is perfect timing for us all
Always deflect. Never do anythong about the harm you do to others. Just say well i said sorry. So its you now.
Hah. You're only proving the truth. I was wrong.
Doesnt matter.
You know what. I dont need to villainize you. But calling me a liar the other day, broke it. I can't even get back to looking at you the same. Been trying.
You can say bad timing, I'm wrong and bad whatever, but, that was too far.
Tell me all the horrible you think about me you want. Everything you believe i feel thats unjust. The part of me that needs to prove anything to you to is gone.
It has been. And tha t was the moment.
I dont want to say anything hurtful and apokogize for what i just said rhat was but the rest is true. I'm done wanting your approval and can't trust my heart in your care after what you believe about me.
Been holding it in. No. No more. It got too far.
Do what you will to get back at me for saying this, but it had to come out. It's broke. This faith.
This seems like a rather extreme reaction for me doing the same thing you did -- which was indicating agreement with your life path description. I didn't call you a liar. I read the characteristics and demonstrated that I agreed with them, good AND bad. Nothing different than what you did.
As far as holding things in, I'm very familiar with the result of that, which I understand is difficult. I have yet to master it so I have compassion for you because whenever I try to hold things in, they explode all over the place.
You don't want me to mention the lack of cleanliness because you call it complaining, so I shut my mouth. I bring it up in counseling and use healthy communication tactics, but it still doesn't get done. I don't want to nag and I don't want to complain. So I keep it in and keep it in and keep it in, I don't mention the eggshells and cheese wrappers and bacon packages strewn about, days pass. Then. I leave the milk out for 5 minutes, getting my kid ready for school. And you point that out, when I have kept so MANY things in. Yeah, I lost my shit. Because there's so much I could have said and didn't.
Why would I try to destroy an environment I have to live in? If not for me, at least for my son. His well being is balance on a precarious edge, and I am doing everything humanly possible to give him stability. I have not been trying to destroy ANYTHING -- I have been trying to build, with YOU. I have been trying to fix. Trying to learn. Trying to grow. Trying to get better. If I am still in this relationship, that is an indication that I am still committed to upward growth. The day I can't improve is the day our relationship ends. That doesn't mean I won't make mistakes, but I have never given up, never stopped trying. never stopped learning and growing. The fact of the matter is, we read a stupid personality description, I indicated agreement to a section which contained a thing about WHITE lies, which are no big thing to most people, right? Even considered kind. Then I am trying to plan Christmas to bring joy to our kids and you snap at me.
This is it
I'm not even fighting. Forget it. No manipulatuon can undo it.
Show me where the manipulation is
Seriously
I messaged you yesterday trying to plan a happy christmas for the kids, you replied with this insane rant. Which you say was provoked by me calling you a liar, which didn't even happen. What happened is that we were reading life path descriptions and I agreed with yours just as you agreed with mine.
Forget i said manipulatuon. Doesn't matter
I have a ton of work to do today and I can't really fight with you, don't really want to. We can talk later or not, whatever you want. I'm out at 6:30
Stop. I'm not gobna fight with you. Dont need to debate or prove myself
For entertainment purposes, btw. It sounds like we just said the same exact thing, so on that note,
see you later 
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