It feels wonderful to be back to yoga! There is a definite difference from when I
would try to resume my practice while I was with Joth, an energy blockage of
some type. Although I was performing the
asana, I was not living to honor my higher self. I guess I can’t really explain that, but I
didn’t feel like me, I guess. Now, it’s
wonderful! I have time for reading, and
yoga, and eating healthy food, and I live in a clean environment that doesn’t
bind up all of my energy into knots of immobile anxiety, I have meditated,
taken the kids places – my life is AMAZING.
How silly I was to think this would be hard. I did all my grieving while I was still in
the relationship.
This past weekend, I took the kids to the library and was
delighted to discover that I could get a library card. I had movies that I never returned to a library
in Kent county about 5 years ago, but they apparently didn’t show up so I was
good to go! I am so grateful! So, I checked out a Kino Macgregor book about
Ashtanga with the primary series, Yoga Mala by Pattabhi Jois, and another Ashtanga
yoga and meditation book. I read them
all during the weekend and went back last night and got The Essential
Vedanta. This is an acceptable new
addiction. ;D
There was a party at Elderberry and I do feel slight twinges
of missing out, but I know in my heart that sacrificing a party to do fun
things with my kids was the right move. They don’t stay young forever, and I
don’t think they would have enjoyed an EDM festival. Plus, I’m not quite ready to see Ashes just
yet. Other than the library, I also took
the kids to the beach, Leila Arboretum, and Petco. We were trying to find the Humane Society to
drop off our volunteer applications, but it is not in my car’s GPS and I couldn’t
remember where it was. I got directions
for next time, though.
I have been persistently trying, to no avail, to locate Ashtanga
classes anywhere near me. There are some
in Grand Rapids. Also, I girl I know on
Facebook – a sweet, quirky artist with a baby that I connected with through mutual
festy friends – strangely had reached out to me, of all people, suggesting
maybe we could get a place together in GR.
This is serendipitous, because I wanted to move back but couldn’t see a
way to do that with this car payment because I can’t afford rent anywhere. I thought I was stuck. But she said that we and this single dad she
knows could pool resources and get a place, and I can really see this working
out! When I was trying to move to
Elderberry, I applied for every job in a 25 mile radius of Bangor and got no
responses. NONE. Just last Friday, I applied for a few jobs in
Grand Rapids and have already heard back from THREE!!!! I completed the aptitude testing for one of
them at the library last night.
Grand Rapids has such a better spiritual community, yoga
community, music scene, night life, parenting resources, EVERYTHING. I never appreciated GR like I should have
when I was there; I took all of that stuff for granted and didn’t use any of
it. I won’t make that mistake again, I’m
going to live life to the fullest! I’m
35, but I feel like my life is just beginning.
And in a way, it truly is.
I was thinking about that while doing yoga last night. I always make these observations in yoga that
apply to life. I was thinking about how
it has been so long since I did the primary series, so it’s like starting over
brand new. Except I don’t have to go ALL
the way back to the beginning, because of muscle memory and such, plus I have
the poses mostly memorized. I compared
that to starting over now, in my life. I
didn’t have to go all the way to rock bottom this time, there are things that I
have learned and what I lost/forgot is coming back to me more quickly because I’ve
done this before. I know which mistakes
to avoid and I remember the way back up the path, so it’s going faster and it’s
easier. Plus, I don’t get discouraged as
easily because I remember a time I couldn’t do those poses and thought I never
would, but I did. So now, I take heart,
because I know they will come and what I am capable of.
What I’m focusing on this week is Surya Namaskaras (5 of
each), the standing postures, and the closing sequence, just so I can perfect
it before adding the middle part. I
haven’t quite worked up to waking up at 5 am to do yoga, for now I’m doing it
in the evening. But I figure it’s better
that than not at all. I did wake up at 5
today and got to work by 7 AM, effortlessly, painlessly. So that’s progress in the right
direction. Also, I’m burning hot! I’m usually a cold person, and I’m in an air
conditioned office, so I think I must have stoked some fire within. I am excited.
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