Okay, well, I am out of work in 40 minutes and I haven’t
posted in about 40 years. Really, the
only thing to do in times like these is start from where I am and let the gap
forever be a mystery, somewhat like those 30 years of Jesus’ life. Haha.
I can sum it up, I think.
Joth and I broke up, big shock. Before
I moved out, I briefly entered into a polyamorous relationship with Ashes,
Marshall, and Holly during Boredomfest and spent every following weekend there
until after Hoodilidoo. There has been a
lot of drama in the Elderberry/Willow family, some people are banned from
Elderberry, some are banned from Willow.
Some people picked sides, some try to be neutral (which is what I have
done, but some decided to side against me anyway since Ashes & Co live at
Elderberry so I was Team Elderberry by association…hahaha).
Tristan had some challenges, I decided to focus more on
parenting and got out of the relationship because relationships suck up all of
my energy. Polyamory is fantastic
though, and in a different time in my life and probably a different place, I
can see that being the ideal situation for me.
For now, it’s the single yogi life, and I am not going to every single
festival like I was before. I love EDM
festivals, but it’s a different energy and not as child-friendly, at least to
me. Next weekend is Bim’s Birthday Bash
at Willow, and I am super sad but I can’t go because my parents’ 35th
wedding anniversary party is that Saturday and of course that takes
priority. It’s okay, though, because the
following weekend is Peace Fest and I’m bringing both of the kids. It will be fun!
Tristan and I live with Shyloh now and that is going pretty
well, except she is very particular about her environment so we need to be very
careful not to irritate her. Overall,
though, I’m grateful that she has allowed us into her space because I couldn’t
afford rent anywhere without having to give up my car, and they’d still garnish
my wages so in the end I’d pay for the car either way but if it got repossessed
I wouldn’t have it. I also pay her $50 a
week to watch him, which isn’t much, but it’s all I can afford. Once she finds a job, I can return the favor
by watching Miika if she’s on a different shift than I am.
I’ve gotten back to yoga, as I always do, and feel drawn to
more spiritual pursuits. I have had a
lot of time for self-reflection and honest assessment of my life, and for that
I’m grateful. Jewel is having some challenges
and is in counseling to learn to cope with overwhelming emotions, which I can
remember with all to painful clarity still from the time I was her age. It was an emotional hell for me, so I do feel
for her. She’ll make her way through it,
although the autism may add an extra element to her struggle which I can not
relate to. Still, though, adolescence is
hard, no matter who you are.
Work is going well, I switched temp agencies in February and
will be on this assignment until the end of the year. I tried to find employment in the Bangor area
because I intended to move to Elderberry and live there with my former
partners, but nothing worked out and that was probably for a reason. I’ve learned not to try to force things that
don’t seem meant to work out. I’m not
sure what I’m going to do about school for Tristan, but I am actually
considering home schooling since he had such a hard time last year and I had to
leave work to pick him up so many times.
If I do, though, he will still definitely be socialized because those
skills are important to develop now so he can carry that into adulthood. He needs to know how to interact and
communicate appropriately with peers and how to deal with people he doesn’t
like. I don’t really like my boss, but
my livelihood depends on me tolerating her enough to get through a work day.
The last time I had Juju, we went to pet cats at the Humane
Society and it was a giant hit with both kids so I filled out a volunteer application
which we’ll bring with us tomorrow. It
feels good to find wholesome ways to spend our time rather than killing it in
front of a device. Tristan is grounded
from electronics all summer because he pulled the fire alarm on the last day of
school and we got a lovely visit that evening from a police officer. Also, I could not fill his meds because I
hadn’t submitted his redetermination for Medicaid by the deadline, and I hadn’t
received that because I had moved and not yet informed DHS of my new
address. So, I had to reapply and to
date, it is still pending. Which means
no meds, no counseling, nothing. At
first, it was horrible, but he is acclimating wonderfully and with the
increased connection I have been giving him, he seems to be improving a
lot. We went to the beach last weekend,
played Uno, watched jets, hot air balloons, and fireworks, had a couple movie
nights in his fort with popcorn, ate lots of ice cream, etc. Strengthening the parent/child connection
through meaningful activities is more important than I can stress. I wish more parents understood that. I wish I did a long time ago.
I started reading this book by Dr. Shefali called The
Awakened Family : A Revolution in Parenting.
It’s awesome, so far. I left it
at Joth’s and never got it back. That’s
okay, though, because there’s a horrible bed bug infestation over there and I
don’t want to risk any of those nasty things hitching a ride to my blissfully
bug-free bed, ever. EVER. I LOVE LIVING IN A CLEAN HOUSE WITHOUT BED
BUGS!!!! AMEN, HALLELUJA!!!!
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