Six of Swords

Sorry about yesterday, I was a bit incoherent.  I came to my blog with the intention of writing about something completely different, but then I happened upon some information which threw me for quite a loop.  I should have gathered my thoughts before I posted, but I'm much better now. 

N has succeeded in achieving what only one person before him ever did -- I hate him.  I know that hatred is an unhealthy emotion, and holding onto it won't hurt him any more than it would kill him if I drank poison.  I'm only hurting myself by harboring such negativity.  But honestly, I really wouldn't care if he were struck dead by lightning this very moment.  I used to think nobody was a "bad person", some people just make bad choices.  I thought we all had the potential to be good.  I was wrong.  There's nothing good about him, he poisons everything he touches and hurts everyone who has the misfortune of crossing his path.  I'm sure someday I'll resolve these negative emotions and move into a much healthier place of acceptance and healing.  For now, though, he can just die.

So, the end of the world tomorrow, right?  According to the Mayan calendar?  Yes, well, let me share something with you which probably won't come as much of a shock -- I hope the world DOES end tomorrow.  I'm tired.  I want off this ride.  This "life" thing is all just too much for me, and frankly quite overrated.  Most people are praying the world doesn't end, but I'm wishing it WILL.  I doubt I'll get so lucky, though. 

I'm just killing time here at the library until it's time to head to the sister circle.  I almost decided not to go, but it will be good for me.  I just don't feel well today.  I've been fatigued and nauseated for  the last few days.  It could be pregnancy, but I feel like I'm coming down with something.  I hope it blows over soon, it's hard to get any work done and all I ever think about is sleeping.  I need to get gifts tonight for the kids, too, and I just don't feel like shopping. 

So, the three of swords is about that soul-shattering grief.  All-consuming sorrow.  Bone-crushing heartache and emotional pain which shakes you to your very core.  The six of swords still deals with grieving and emotional pain, but it is a transition card.  She is in the boat, moving on.  Moving into a new phase of life, leaving the past permanently behind her.  It is over.  She still has the swords in the boat, which I prefer to look at as lessons learned from the emotional pain she has just endured.  Some interpret it as holding on to the actual pain, but since she is moving into the next phase and bringing only the swords, I feel like it's more appropriate to describe them as lessons and scars.  The good thing, too, is although the swords are stuck in the boat, they do not make her sink.  You might have some pain, but it isn't going to kill you.  That's how I feel right now.  I'm very sad but I keep moving forward.  I'll be damned if I let anyone get the best of me. 

Happy winter solstice tomorrow! 

***Edit.  I just found out the sister circle is cancelled.  :(  I'm bummed, but I can go lie in bed in my PJ's with a good book now and feel better.  I guess there's supposed to be a storm, so maybe I should head home also to avoid driving in it.  Incidentally, I saw this posted in the sister circle facebook group page and felt touched by it with all my talk of hatred and resentment toward life.  It definitely made me stop and think.

Vow of the Priestess

I choose to walk my path fearlessly
To live with my heart ...wide open
To be grateful for my experiences
Which led me straight into the arms of the Goddess
And taught me compassion for all things
To forgive and forgive and forgive again
While maintaining the boundaries of my own sacredness
Not resisting life, but allowing it to be
To accept and embrace it
And transmute my fear and suffering into Joy And just by being,
Give others permission to do the same.
To know that everyone is a mirror
Reflecting the light of the Goddess
All with truth at the core of their being
All unique, all beautiful, all different aspects of Her.