I just can't even believe what's happening right now. Everything, all at once...hold on to your ass!!! Seriously, though. It's a full moon. As the second full moon this month, it is a "blue moon" although arguably that means nothing because the Gregorian calendar is man made and nature has its own cycles. A month is supposed to be full moon to full moon, so therefore there can be no such thing as a blue moon in a lunar month.
Let me tell you something, though. It is breathtakingly beautiful. All the pastels in the sky, the wispy white clouds, and the silvery moon nestled among the blue, pink, and purple. The sky is my favorite masterpiece, and it's always changing. I have seen some awe-inspiring skyscapes recently.
On with it, then! How about an update. Joth and I talked last weekend about possibly living together in Kalamazoo. I made a mental sketch of a tentative strategy and I was comfortable with it. Tristan would go to Wayland, I'd find a job in Kalamazoo which I could drive to from here, and then I'd find a place to live in Kalamazoo and after that I'd find a school there for Tristan. Well.
Then I heard back from Darren. He got me an interview for an 8-5, Monday through Friday job in Battle Creek. Also, Andrew happened to text me earlier today saying that he wouldn't be able to take Tristan tonight because he and Sarah are fighting. He said he's done and they aren't working it out. I also received my enrollment packet from the Montessori school, which has dropoff starting at 7:30 so I'd be able to get to an 8 AM job. Also, my lease is up in a couple of days, so I won't have to break my lease to move or stay until my lease ends. I'm free to move any time. This is all amazingly coordinated!
I must admit, though, it's more than a little bit frightening. As silly as it sounds, if it weren't for an Elephant Journal article I read a couple of days ago, I'm not sure that I'd be brave enough to jump. There are so many big questions, so many what-ifs. I'm scared and overwhelmed and I wonder if I'm in over my head. Is this a stupid decision, leaving behind certainty and stability? Am I happy, though? In order to follow my dreams and go to the next level, I have to leave my comfort zone.
I am about 10% of the way done with my Ayurveda certification. I have 10 pages of handwritten notes and I've completed the first 2 sections. I did the first module of the hypno certification also. Joth and I decided that Tuesday will be school night, so Tuesday is my hypno night. Thursday is my Ayurveda night. So much is changing. So much is progressing. I feel good about this, I feel excited. I also feel terrified though! In a good way. It's a rush.
I don't know what else to talk about right now, and I'm getting ready to head to Joth's. Peace out for now!
I don't know what to choose for a title or a picture, so on with it then. It's Friday, my day off. Yayyyyy. I have a few more updates so I'm going to finish what I didn't get to in the last entry. Mood tracking = super manic. Well, maybe not SUPER. I'm not shaking and I didn't wake up a zillion times last night. On a scale of one to ten, then, maybe a seven. I'm super happy though!
Yoga tracking, well. That's what Sundays are good for, right? Except I don't know if I'll even get to it on Sunday because Josh is throwing Joth a party and I'll probably go, even though I have to work on Sunday AND on Monday. But that's my man (totally not meant in a possessive way) and I definitely want to be there to support him.
Check in with work, well, my numbers had dropped LOWWWWWWWW but I brought them back up, somehow. I got called in to the boss' office yesterday and was given my final warning. I already knew that it was coming, but it was still a little jarring. When I got the "log into coaching and come to my office" email, I got all scared and nervous. I thought for a moment that I might actually be getting fired.
Kids...oh, there's some news there! One of my obstacles in moving to Battle Creek was that Andrew kept trying to cause problems by objecting to me taking Tristan. I am not an unfair mother. Let's be real, I pay them $25 a week. I pay for Tristan's insurance, he sleeps here every night except on his dad's weekends twice a month. I paid for all of his school lunch, I take him to his doctor, psychiatrist, dentist, and eye doctor appointments. This isn't anything new, either. Tristan may have lived with Blair and Rachel for a couple years, but at no point has Andrew EVER been his primary caregiver. He has never paid any child support, never attended any conference, never done any real PARENTING.
Andrew wasn't even the one objecting, though. It was always Sarah and her control freak tendencies. I don't know what the FUCK was the matter with her, but she always irritated me with trying to get overinvolved in a situation that only minimally had to do with her. She was the one who called CPS, she was the one who said they were going to go for full custody, SHE was the one who spoke up in court for the termination of guardianship. She has slapped my child so hard his nose bled, threw him across a room, spanked him, and called him names. She tried to make rules about what Tristan's counselor could and couldn't talk about at their house, and also tried to throw her weight around trying to force Tristan to see a different counselor. She just needs to mind her own business.
But anyway, the good news is that Andrew is a rather uninvolved parent AND husband. She's tired of his bullshit and they're getting divorced. I'm staying out of it, I haven't taken any sides. Why should I? This has nothing to do with me. I don't talk about it to Tristan. I don't like Sarah, I don't like Andrew. Andrew is Tristan's dad and if he wants to be in his life, cool. We'll make that happen. Sarah can go jump off a cliff. But anyway, they told me that I have to find daycare for Tristan because he's had some trouble getting along with his sisters.
I'm not making excuses for him, but there is a lot of tension in that household. Tristan is very sensitive, he picks up on that stuff. I notice that lately he has an attitude, he seems testy. Do they think the kids don't notice that? This is not an excuse, he should still very much be held accountable for his behavior. But telling him he can't come there anymore? What would you do if it was your daughter? If she couldn't get along with her siblings, would you send HER to daycare? This sends the message to Tristan that he is less important. To be real, Sarah sends that message to Tristan ALL THE TIME. I don't mind.
This will make things that much easier for me to leave, because Andrew won't fight it. He doesn't want to do any of the hard work that comes with parenting. He just wants to come home drunk at like 9 or 10 PM after Sarah has been taking care of the kids all day and take credit for being some awesome dad. Yeah, whatever.
When I GOT there the other day to pick up Tristan at around 9, Andrew was ON HIS BACK in front of their trailer door. He was drunk off his ass (haha, literally) and was yelling for Sarah to come help him up. She was actively ignoring him. I was embarrassed for him. I saw shades of his alcoholic father. I remember when we lived with Tim, I'd hear his first beer crack before dawn broke. He didn't even pack any food in his lunch cooler, just 4 beers. Then he'd come home, sit at the table and drink beer in his chair until he passed out at the table. What a life. I'm so glad I'm not with Andrew anymore. Imagine the agony of spending your life entangled with someone so chained to their addiction. No, thanks. And he's going to throw it all away, just like his dad did. History repeats itself.
Wow, that got somber. HAPPY STUFF TIME! So, I didn't lose my job. I got a new phone. I started my Ayurveda course. Andrew and Sarah are getting divorced. I called Darren and he submitted my resume for 2 more jobs. Things are actually super great right now with Joth and I. Last weekend wasn't ENTIRELY horrible -- first, the kids and I stopped to Choices (a new age store) and I got some patchouli oil, a yellow calcite globe, a feather and an abalone shell for smudging, tektite for grounding, some patchouli soap, and some stuff for the kids. We got Joth, then we went to see the movie Inside Out. That movie was great! I mean, seriously. It was a hilarious kids' movie, but at the same time, it was amazingly deep. It was metaphorically rich and described emotions in an amazingly accurate and eye-opening way. I really loved that movie. I cried AND laughed so hard.
Then, we got my phone and came home, drank, and I was experiencing some super mania super irritation anxiety agitation restless paranoia. My mind was way over active. I drank an energy shot, which didn't help anything. I drank some alcohol, which actually DID kind of help. But it didn't. I was feeling insecure and my mind took that feeling and ran with it. It sucked for Joth, I know it did. But what I hope he understands is that it was horrible for ME, too. I would never have chosen it. I didn't want that. I was overtaken by some demon of darkness which was crushing all of the joy out of my soul. I was gripped in the sharp talon of some merciless beast which was tearing at my brain, and I could not get free. I was a helpless prisoner of my oppressive emotions, chained to misery and sorrow, tormented by suspicion and thoughts of unworthiness and inadequacy. If there is a hell, that's what it's like. That place I was in. I knew it had nothing to do with reality. It still existed. Like a bad trip.
Anyway, Joth talked me through it and things were okay. The next day, we went to a pancake breakfast at the fire barn and walked to the coffee shop. A magnificent amazing storm rushed through, unexpectedly, blowing around its wind and pouring down its rain all over everything. Michigan weather is a lot like my moods.
We went home and hung out for a little bit. Joth gave me a wonderful massage while we watched Powder, and I started randomly crying for no reason. He told me it was normal, it reminded me of when I was 15 and first started taking medication. Everyone would know if I forgot to take my pill because I would uncontrollably cry for no reason. I hated that feeling. But then things took a turn for the weird and the bizarre. I was trying to explain things, and I used an example that touched a nerve with Joth. It had meant nothing to me, it was just a simple analogy. I use analogies all the time to explain things. He read something into it that wasn't there and got upset, and the more I tried to make things better, the more I made things worse.
We had an epic argument. Part of it was that I was raw, emotionally open and still pretty tender. I definitely overreacted and went to the nearly suicidal place. I was overcome with sorrow. I was sobbing and couldn't stop. I felt so misunderstood, and maybe he did too. I don't know. I was so consumed with my own despair that I couldn't really understand much else. Finally I decided I was going to go downtown and have some fun. Everyone ended up coming with me and it was okay. It was like when you put a patch on something and it looks good, but there's still the tear or the stain or the damage below the patch. We ate some barbecue, got some ice cream, and bought some sparklers.
We brought the sparklers back home and drank some more. Then we walked back downtown to watch the band Wayland, it was an awesome show. The kids loved it, although it was a little loud. Tristan said, "It's so loud it's vibrating all of my chakras!" Hahaha, I love that kid. Anyway, then we walked back and put the kids to bed. We drank some more and had some awesome discussions. Joth really explained some things in a way that spoke to me, he really made a lot of sense and I updated my perspective based on the case he was making. But then, well, then we argued. I'm not going to go into details.
Mentally, I don't want to go back there. We were having sex, and it was awesome. He stopped and we were discussing some worries he had, and I was just assuring him that everything was okay. Everything would be okay, everything was fine. Whatever happened, I was enjoying myself and the outcome didn't matter so he could just relax and have some fun. But somehow it morphed into the biggest....I wouldn't even call it an argument. But he was extremely upset. He started bringing up the first night, when I had been irrational. And the daytime, when we had had that argument. We had to revisit those topics and then it turned horrible. HORRIBLE.
I know that I said the whole weekend was horrible to the zillionth power, but now that I type it out, it wasn't actually that bad. We had some good moments. I think it would serve me well to focus more on those. Well, Tristan's counselor is coming and then he has an eye doctor appointment and then we're picking up Shyloh and heading to Joth's. Oh yeah, I got my hair cut. Yay! Okay the picture is an actual picture I took from the coffee shop in Wayland.
I hate when I wait so long to blog!!!!!!!!! There's no way I could update everything that has happened since my last entry, and it's all important. I guess I'll just have to summarize, starting with Peace Fest.
Peace Fest was great. When Deanna and I got there, I tried finding the Camp Chicken Pot Pie site from Hoodilidoo. The layout had changed, though, and I couldn't really find it. On our search, we came upon a site that had a tent with a keg under it and the guy at that site invited us to camp there, so we set our tent down and started drinking because it was too hot to set up the tent anyway. Joth let us use his tent and sent us with a whole bunch of stuff like a little stove, lights, batteries, walkie talkies, tools, other supplies. Truthfully, I ran into situations in which I could have used a lot of the things we had, but much of the time was incapable of remembering or using those things anyway. It was a good weekend. :)
So later, Fabio and his friend James showed up and set up their tents. James had a smaller tent which he set up INSIDE of Fabio's tent...that ended up being a hilarious joke to all of us around the campfire later. Deanna and I were then too drunk to set up our tent so we continued to put it off. Finally, Shyloh and Ema showed up and we all ended up back by the campfire.
The guy with the keg was an ex military guy and it was his birthday. His name was Bo. There was another guy sleeping on a foam couch and I never did catch his name, he's just "the guy on the couch". There was another guy playing his drum the whole night and talking with us about the government, quantum physics, chem trails, conspiracies, and all the other deep amazing topics that should be discussed by hippies around a campfire. His name was Eric. Our group was laughing SO HARD for SO LONG around that fire.
Ema made us s'mores, Eric gave us Jolly Ranchers, James kept exclaiming how amazed he was that he hadn't lost his cigarettes (which was not so amazing considering that he had sat in the same exact spot for like 7 hours), and Deanna wandered off. Someone brought her back later, though, and she had an epic battle with a can of beef stew. She eventually conquered it, though. It was a magical bonfire -- it literally lasted ALL NIGHT (from like midnight to 7 ish) without adding ANY WOOD. Now that I think about that, it can't be right. But none of us noticed anyone adding wood to it!
I missed Joth a lot and I kept texting him. I was having a great time, but I was also feeling incomplete. It's hard to describe this because I don't want to sound dependent on him. I am my own person and I am perfectly capable of enjoying myself without Joth. But the thing is, everything is so much MORE enjoyable with him. It's like experiencing something without one of your senses. Sure, you can still enjoy it, but a piece of it is missing which would add to the feeling of complete satisfaction. No, I can't even compare it to a sense. He truly is the other half of my soul. Part of ME was gone...which isn't the way it sounds. I wasn't despondent, miserable, or incapable of happiness. The more I try to explain this, the more I fall short of what I mean. Sometimes words aren't sufficient, and this is one of those times.
Anyway, on Saturday we all went down to the beach. First we went to South Haven, which was breathtakingly beautiful. Then, we went to a smaller beach that we could actually swim at. We splashed each other, threw each other in, and Fabio and Eric wrestled in the water. Shy and James did not get in, party poopers. When we returned, I was sooooooo exhausted from having stayed up all night but it was soooooooo hot, like a zillion degrees. There was no way I could get a nap...where would I sleep? The tent was like a sauna, and there wasn't any shade. I relaxed for a while until it was time to start drinking. Deanna's boyfriend showed up, to our surprise. Apparently he had been worried about her so he decided to track her down. She didn't seem very happy about it, but they ended up hanging out.
I missed Joth even more, because then the dynamic had changed. It was no longer 2 chicks hanging out getting to know each other while their boyfriends were both back home. But, it was the experience I needed. I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet, to be able to have my own experience independent of anyone else's involvement. I interacted with other people but I was driving my own train, I guess. I followed Fabio around for a while, then I followed Shyloh and Ema for a while. We watched some fire performers, Fabio played Magic the Gathering with some of his friends, this guy showed us some of his art and gave us sangria, I danced by the stage, and finally became so exhausted that I headed back to the camp site before they even lit the big fire. I totally missed it.
I took a nap and when I woke up, our fellow campers were back with a few extras. There were like 4 guys playing guitar, Deanna was singing, and Bobby was spinning some glow poi. Bobby camped with us at Hoodilidoo. I sat down by Deanna and we sang for a while, I chatted with Bobby about universal consciousness and the divine spark, chatted with Eric a little bit, then went to bed as dawn was breaking. At 10 AM, I called in to work and we ended up leaving around 1. Ema gave Eric a blank journal for us to use as our Peace Fest yearbook. Everyone signed it, and he brought it around the rest of the grounds to get other people to sign it. I can't wait for next year, I know it's going to be epic because Joth will be there! This year was pretty great, though. I did need that.
When I returned, I was over-exhausted and emotional. Joth sat there by me, let me cry on his shoulder, soothed and comforted me, and talked to me. He was completely calm and patient and compassionate even though I was irrationally depressed, until it became directed at him. I learned something there. It went on for hours, and during no part of this meltdown did he become impatient, upset, irritated, or anything. But there came a point that everything shifted, because I got irritable. I could feel it rising up. I was talking, and he was just listening. That's it! Listening!
But sometimes, when someone is listening to me and I just keep explaining and explaining and explaining my point and they don't respond, so I keep rambling and rambling and they still have nothing to say, for some unknown reason I feel rage building up and I become so angry at them! I feel like they aren't listening, or that they don't care because they aren't participating in the conversation. As hard as this is to believe, I can't stand one sided conversations. Sometimes, though, I'm incapable of stopping myself so I depend on the other person to take their turn. And when they don't, BAM. Instabitch. So that happened, and from that point forward there was discord. *sigh*
I went to bed early with Tristan and waited for Joth to come to bed, which also contributed to feelings of rejection because Scott had come over and they were playing this game and I didn't really feel like Joth wanted to come to bed, ever. After all of his convincing me to spend the night so we could snuggle, and where was he anyway? I felt like I might as well have gone home. Things weren't good, and I could feel it. I felt him distance himself from me. The next day, when I went to leave, the kisses didn't feel the same. He kept insisting nothing was wrong, but come on. We are both so sensitive to the energies of the other that it's a complete joke to think either one of us could fool the other. Not gonna happen. So we went through all of this separation, talking about it, coming back together by mid-week. We were both so excited to spend last weekend together and have a re-do, to make up for the blahhhhhhh.
But then, last weekend happened and it was awfulness in epic proportions. At first it was good, I was happy, feeling excited. I wanted to just pour love all over Joth and have a fantastic weekend of fun and awesomeness with the kids. You know, I don't even have time to go into this right now.
PS, Bryan added his photos of Peace Fest to his photography page and I found one of Deanna and me. I have been obsessing over my stomach hardCORE. What happened to me. Why am I not doing yoga anymore. Why am I eating at Taco Bell and Little Caesar's. Where did my discipline go? NO MORE. Although, to be fair, my stomach looks EXTRA chubby in that picture and I do have others that portray me in a very different and much less fat way. Either way, though. I just started my Ayurvedic Lifestyle Consultant course (yayyyyyy! It's going to take a few months but I'll get the certification when I complete the course, so my goal to do that before age 35 will actually be realized! Funny how we set intentions and forget about them, but the Universe does not). It is time to recommit to health. I will feel so much better when I start taking better care of me, too. Okay that's all I have time for, gotta get ready for work!
Howdily doodily! I have a lot to say, but I just haven't had a chance to update lately. Last week, I worked OT 4 out of 5 days so I basically LIVED at work. Then, I went out to Joth's for the fourth of July weekend. It was fun! I guess I could start there.
So, I checked my last entry and I was on the upswing. The hypomania lasted pretty much throughout the weekend, peaking on Saturday when I was so hyper that my brain felt like it was just shaking around inside of my cranium. In fact, my body WAS shaking. I was in a cleaning mood, I was singing, and totally happy. I had SO much energy that I was a little uncomfortable, but otherwise everything was good. Joth and I got along pretty well, I had a couple of dumb girl moments but we got through them.
Thursday night, we just hung out. We did some karaoke up in Josh's room and spent some quality time together. It was our first time seeing each other after the infamous fallout of horrendous doom. At first, I could feel it, the hesitation. I had hope, though, because above all things I could still feel our love for each other. But there was also a certain distance, a bridge of trust that had been temporarily withdrawn. Things were on the mend, but they weren't healed yet. Some things just take time and I know that. I tried not to be frustrated that things weren't yet where I wanted them to be. I tried to be patient and have faith that we'd get there. But it loomed there, big between us, this invisible bubble. It was distressing.
I thought that if I started drinking, the walls would come down and we could reconnect. So much of what holds me back is just fear and anxiety, and when I drink, I feel free from their grasp. It seemed to work, but only temporarily. The next day, I felt like the walls had been erected again. I got upset that things weren't the same, worried that they never WOULD be the same. Joth kept saying everything was okay, and maybe it was as okay as it COULD be, but it wasn't like it was. I feared that something important had been lost, and I doubted whether it could be replaced. Finally I just cried and told Joth how I felt, and he held me and we talked, and I realized that he wanted the same thing I wanted but things had to change for us to get there.
Friday night, we went out to my sister's to play games. It was fun! I can't tell you how amazing it feels to have a boyfriend that I can bring to family things. Do you have any idea how many pictures of family events -- cousins night, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, New Year's, whatever...that I am in pictures alone, or with my cousin Stephanie? It's not that I have been single all of those years. It's that I've had a boyfriend who was unwelcome with my family. Not that I give a shit about the approval of my family, but that's a whole OTHER entry. And obviously I don't, because I date who I want anyway. I can't deny though that it's an added bonus that I'm dating who I want AND he isn't shunned by my family. Score!
We left Heather and Matt's around 11 and I had only had a couple glasses of wine, but I saw a police officer on the way back to Joth's and it totally rattled me. I feel like I have PTSD from when my license was suspended. Seeing a cop still makes my heart race like I'm in danger of going to jail. So I started having a panic attack and Joth offered to drive, bless his soul. He's so super awesome <3 We got back to his house, grabbed his vehicle, and went to Jeff and Deanna's. We didn't get there until around 1 in the morning and I think we stayed up until about 5ish. It was an awesome time, we spent the night and in the morning headed back to Joth's.
We napped and cleaned and got ready for people to come over. Man, that night was AMAZING. The only thing that sucked was that I had to work on Sunday. I planned to go to bed by 1 but I think it was more like 3 or 4 when I actually went to sleep.
Earlier in the day, we had been downstairs talking to his mom and she was telling me that she noticed I never seem angry, I never get irritable. LOL well I certainly wasn't going to ARGUE with her. I'm flattered that she sees that side of me but on the other hand, I know that her son sees the other side and he could definitely contest that assertion. Regardless, though, it made me super happy that she seems to approve because goddess knows that makes things a million times easier. She asked me what size dress I wore and then she told me she had a dress for me from the Philippines, so Joth and I waited while she went to get it. OH MY GODDESS, it was so SUPER awesome! It's like RAINBOW with leopard or cheetah or whatever print. It's a halter style top, long dress. SUPER cool. I was totally geeked.
Later, we watched fireworks over the lake out at the dock with Jeff, Deanna, and Josh. I hula hooped a little, we talked, and became buffets for millions of hungry mosquitoes. It was amazing, though. There were like 3 or 4 different fireworks displays going around the lake, and it went for a LONG time! After that, we went back inside to do some karaoke and THAT was awesome. Deanna and I sang a whole bunch of songs together, Joth sang a few (I wish I had been able to hear him sing more, he has such an incredible voice -- I'm not saying that because I'm his girlfriend. Like, legitimately, he has a lot of talent. I love to hear him sing <3), Josh sang a few and we had a whole bunch of confusing collaborations. I was losing track a little, I'm not even sure how well I sang. My guess is probably horribly, since I had "celebrated" a LOT by that point.
At some point during all of that, Joth's mom came upstairs with a BUNCH of awesome dresses for me. You know how sometimes you go to someone's house and they give you a whole bunch of old clothes and they're hideous and you know you would NEVER wear them, and they aren't your style, and now you feel awkward because you're supposed to act grateful? Yeah well this wasn't like that at ALL. These were seriously things I would have totally picked out on my own. It was weird...and perfect! I have TONS of stuff now I can wear to Peace Fest, or in general outside. You know, if it would warm UP.
Speaking of Peace Fest (and I know this is long but I haven't updated in a while), that whole situation turned into a clusterfuck. It is finally under control and I think everything's sorted out. 2 years ago, I had a ticket for myself and for Shyloh. Then she said the place she had been living had been raided and she was broke and couldn't go. I didn't want to go alone, so I gave away our tickets. Then, like 3 days before Peace Fest, she changed her mind and I didn't have the tickets anymore. Well this time, I had one for her, one for myself, and one for Joth. Then Joth couldn't switch weekends so I offered his to Ema and decided we could just have a girls' weekend. Then, Shy texted me saying she didn't think she was going, she hates life and everything is pointless, fuck everything. So I told Fabio, who was already planning on coming and buying tickets, that I MIGHT have an extra ticket if Shy didn't go. Well, he took that as a promise.
Meanwhile, while we were at Jeff and Deanna's, Deanna was saying she wanted to go to Peace Fest and I told her I might have an extra ticket but I hadn't heard from Shy and Ema yet. I texted Shy to double check, and if she wasn't going, Fabio could have hers and Deanna could have Ema's. All of a sudden, it turns out that YES Shyloh is going AND so is Ema. Okay, well I really wanted Deanna to come with us so I bought her a ticket. I texted Fabio to let him know that Shy is coming so I do NOT have an extra ticket for him. He got all pissy with me.
Furthermore, on TUESDAY Andrew bailed on me for watching Tristan for the weekend like he had agreed to. We had a HUGE fight on the phone because I was freaking out and I thought that was SUCH an inconsiderate thing to do. He acted like he didn't even care, like oh well, find someone else. Who else do I HAVE? I lost my shit, right out there in the parking lot at work. Everyone probably heard me, I don't know. They talk about bipolar blackout rages, I don't really have those. Except maybe verbally. I get to this point where I get SO mad, and I can literally FEEL myself let go of the last little bit of control and this other part of me takes over and all hell breaks loose. So, that happened with Andrew. I was like, "FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU! I hope your weekend is HORRIBLE and I hope your whole LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE falls apart!!!!!!! I HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE you!!!!!"
Yeah. Not proud of myself. After that, we talked it over and he said he would hire a sitter and Joth had also offered to take Tristan for the weekend (WHAT a fucking SWEETHEART!!!!). I thought everything was cool but found out that Andrew planned to hire his friend Chad. Oh god, NO. Not at all. So, we're going out to Battle Creek tonight and Tristan's going to hang out with Joth and Austin for the weekend. I feel WAY more comfortable with that. Tristan is super excited, too. But anyway, so Fabio wanted a ride because now Crystal isn't coming, and I can't give him a ride because I'll be leaving from Battle Creek. So he started giving me this guilt trip and I bought his ticket so he'd have money to pay someone to bring him.
And you know what? It's all worth it, and we're going to have an awesome time, and I think that Shy, Ema, Deanna, and I are going to get along awesome as a weird crazy ADD camp CHICKEN POT PIEEEEEEEEEEEE. Super excited to see our Hoodilidoo friends, too.
I had more to say, but I think this has gone on long enough. I will have to post again....when I return from Peace Fest!!!!!
