I haven't chosen my goddess yet, but I'm going to just start blogging and I'll think of one later. It's been something like a week and a half since I did yoga, coincidentally I stopped around the same time I started talking to Ramiro. See, my energy can't just be distracted like that. You know something is bad for you when it takes you away from your passions. He wanted to talk on the phone every night for hours, when could I get anything done? I'm done feeling like a hostage. I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee!
I straight up just texted him yesterday and said, hey, this isn't going to work. It wasn't just the distance. I went through his friends on Facebook and there is a ridiculous amount of women. He posted as recently as Mother's Day on his (supposed) ex's wall, "Happy Mother's Day baby!" He doesn't have any posts about any women on his wall, but he goes and likes pictures and posts by all kinds of different women on THEIR wall. That's the first sign of a player.
Plus, when he was here, I saw his "Amber" tattoo and joked that it was funny that we both have our ex's name tattooed on us. He got really serious and I could definitely tell that he is not over her. I looked up HER Facebook page and he was liking her pictures as recently as Friday. Ugh, I'm definitely not getting caught up in that mess. Who wants to feel like just one woman in a long line? Not me. I'm waiting for someone who's waiting for me. I removed him and blocked him...NEXT.
On a less bitter note, though, I learned what I needed to learn from this experience. He was exactly what I was trying to manifest, what I thought I dreamed of. He looked....ugh. PERFECT. Sooooo sexy. Perfect skin, amazing eyes, hypnotic voice. He was great in bed. Lived far enough away that it wouldn't threaten my independence. Likes to talk. Very romantic, and into me in a genuine way. Takes control. I thought if I had someone like that, I'd be happy. Then, he practically fell into my lap and I realized that is NOT what I want after all. How complex it is to be a woman!!!
So anyway, I'm getting ready to do yoga now and then I'm going to pick up my new hula hoop from Kaitlyn -- custom made, woooooot! I want to make something to bring to the sister circle tonight and I might stop by Juliea's and get some henna. What else in the world is better than THIS?
I haven't chosen a goddess yet. Is there a goddess of temptation? Confusion? Uncertainty? So many things are going so right. I felt complete without a man. Now that a man has entered my life, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not sure if I have a place to fit him. What time can I give him that is not time taken away from myself or my kids? What will I sacrifice for a relationship? Is it worth it? How do I have the book club, the sister circle, the kids, the job, the yoga, the family...AND a boyfriend? I just don't think there's room for him in my life.
Ramiro is a nice guy. I had a wonderful time with him the past two days. Something just doesn't feel right, though. It's not that I get danger vibes. I just don't feel like a relationship is what I need to be investing my energy in right now. I think about the past two days and feel like I cheated myself. I didn't do yoga, I didn't blog, I didn't see anyone but him. Is that the kind of life I want to go back to? I think about all the things I COULD have done. I could have made body butter or sunscreen. I could have finished my laundry. I could have gone to Goodwill and done a little more decorating. Instead of being happy that I met someone, I almost resent him because I feel like I had more important things I could have been doing with my time. Is that terrible?
It's not that we really have much potential. He lives about two hours away in Indiana. He works on my days off and vice versa. The only reason last night worked out was because of the holiday. I told him that, too. I was blunt. I said I really like him but he may never hear from me again because there really isn't anywhere we can go from here.
I did have sex, though. Seven times ;) I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but that's not enough of a reason to jump into a relationship. Obviously, I can live without it -- I did it for six months.
But anyway, moving on to other things...tomorrow I'm going on Tristan's field trip as a chaperone with his class. I'm excited! Then, I have the kids tomorrow and Wednesday. Wednesday night is the new moon ritual with the sister circle. Saturday is my reiki 2 attunement. Sunday is the book club meeting. Monday is yoga at the intentional living community house led by one of the sistars. Tuesday, I'm getting this bad-ass asymmetrical haircut with a purple streak in the front. Thursday is more yoga but I'm not sure whether or not I'll go. That's up in the air. But I'm so excited and thrilled for all of these things!
THESE are the things that make my heart swell with joy. THESE are the things that fill me with gratitude. THESE are the things I look forward to, savor, and remember fondly. The past two days, on the other hand, just feels like a mistake.
Maybe someday I will meet a man who fulfills me not just physically and emotionally, but spiritually as well. Someone who enhances my spiritual development. Someone who will do yoga with me, maybe? Is that too much to hope for? Maybe I'll meet someone at Peace Fest. Until then...I'm staying single.
Most of my goddesses have been depicted with the moon. Amaterasu, however, is shown with the sun. I chose her because I feel divine life coursing through me, but also because it is very bright and sunny outside. Of course I know that the weather outside and the weather inside are directly correlated, at least with me.
So, you remember my theory about the life force/electricity, and how the amount of it flowing through us or the way that it flows through us would explain the different mental illnesses? Epilepsy, autism, bipolar, etc? Well, I saw a post about Nikola Tesla which said, "My brain is only a receiver. In the universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists". Additionally, yesterday's dharma talk was about rebirth (fitting, wasn't it?) and the monk said that the current of consciousness flows through each of us like electricity through a light bulb. Our body will die -- the light bulb will die -- but the light bulb is simply the vessel which conducts the current of consciousness.
It really got me thinking. Who AM I, then? Am I the light bulb? Am I the electricity? Am I the light? What happens to ME when the light bulb dies? The light bulb may be my body, but it could also be my ego. Or maybe the light bulb is my body, the light is my ego, and the electricity is the part of me which is a part of every other light bulb. And maybe there are some factors which influence which of us flicker, which shine more brightly, and which go out prematurely. I would think that those things have to do with the design of the bulb, and the wiring. Just as the "wiring" of our brains can determine how well and for how long we conduct the current of consciousness.
WOAH. That seemed pretty deep. It's amazing how much information you find pertaining to a topic of interest as soon as you pursue that line of thinking. Miraculous, really. I love life. It is so fascinating!
I was hula hooping so much yesterday that my body hurts a little today. I tried to do yoga, but 20 minutes into it I stopped. I don't really know why. I was very distracted, but I also didn't feel like I had the energy to do it. I know it was because I haven't eaten anything, but at the same time, I'm not hungry. So I guess I'm not doing yoga until I manage to eat something, which will probably be after Tristan goes to bed.
So, I talked to Ramiro again last night on the phone. I like him a lot, but he's a little intense! For example, he asked me last night if we were to start dating, and then he asked me to marry him, and if I said yes, what would I think about him getting my name tattooed on him? I was like, what the HELL? We haven't even had one date yet!!! But I did tell him honestly that getting someone else's name tattooed on you is the stupidest thing you can do, I don't care HOW much you love them. I should know.
He's an Aries though. I like Aries because they get things done, they keep things moving. But they can also have a temper and lose interest easily. Aries are a lot like Leos but more bossy and not quite as gregarious. Still social, yes, but there's a certain warmth with a Leo that is less in an Aries. Anyway, fire signs are so exciting, but as an air sign, I find that they tend to consume me. I like someone who is in control, until I don't. Then I begin to resent this bossy fire sign in my life who seems to think I should be kissing his ass and obeying his orders. Yeah, NOT!
He did say he doesn't get angry very easily, which surprised me a bit. The way he talks, he reminds me of a Cancer! He already seems very clingy and really emotional. Emotional isn't a bad thing, but I definitely need my space. We'll see how this goes.
Well, I have an hour and a half before I need to get Tristan and I think I want to watch a documentary. Later!
Well, today I chose Kali because the theme of the day is death. I'm a little confused about how I feel, or why I feel this way. Luckily, no one super close to me has died yet, but it's surreal every time someone I've hung out with passes. I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that I won't see them around, I'll never be able to send them a facebook message or give them a call. Nobody ever really feels GONE when they're gone, I guess.
I know that death is a part of life. I know that the person who has gone does not mind it one bit. There's really no reason whatsoever for me to be sad, so I can't understand why I am. I haven't hung out with Ben in over three years. Well, I gave him a hug at Peace Fest last year, but I haven't talked to him since. It can't be that I miss him. I guess I just always told myself I'd get back in touch, and now that I realize it's too late, I kind of regret it. It makes me think twice about the things that we let slip through our fingers, all the endless amounts of time we seem to think we have.
Mostly, though, I think I'm sad because my heart is imagining what it would feel like to be Mandy right now. To be missing that person you loved so much. How can she cope? It really puts my so-called problems in perspective. I want to bitch and whine about my job, my family, or some other nonsense...what is THAT compared to losing your husband? If I have learned anything from this, it's that we really do have to make every second count. I'm the queen of procrastinators, I always imagine the rest of the world will just stay put while I go off and so something else, and expect that everyone and everything will be exactly the same way I left it when I return. I'm shocked when I reconnect with people after years of silence to see how much they've changed. It never feels like any time has passed at all, and in my mind, it really hasn't.
But then somebody dies, and you realize that they didn't just stay put in that spot you left them, always intending to return. That now you can't return.
On a positive note, I have Tristan all week this week because Blair and Rachel are in Vegas! I'm very happy about that. I also started talking to this guy from online. He lives like 2 hours away though, which really made me hesitate. I told him straight up on the phone last night that I hate driving and I don't think this is going to go anywhere -- I'm not having a repeat of last summer! I really like him, though. We talked for almost three hours on the phone last night. He's absolutely gorgeous...and intelligent also. So far, so good (but, I've said THAT before!).
When we first started texting, he asked, "Do you smoke or drink?" I said I haven't had a cigarette in three weeks, and I drink a glass or two of wine once or twice a month. But then he asked...."Do you go to church?" and I was like, oh no, here we go. He's not going to talk to me anymore. But I was honest about my spirituality and surprisingly he is totally cool with that. We'll see how this goes. I added him on Facebook last night, which might not have been a good idea (he requested me) but it might get weird if things don't work out.
Okay, well I'm going to watch a dharma talk and have some more coffee.
This is Selene. Since today is a full moon, she was the obvious choice. The thing is, though, although I have heard of her -- and I am certain that it must have been in reference to the moon -- I know nothing about her. It was actually pretty cool...I sat down, and instantly my mind said, "Selene".
Usually, I sit at the computer and I think for a few minutes. I think of a theme, or a country I haven't used in a while. I go through the files in my brain searching for a goddess. Sometimes my search will lead me to the perfect goddess, but this time (just like with Cerridwen) I just instantly knew. Upon reading the Wikipedia article, I see that Selene is a Greek goddess, so I can be pretty certain that I have heard about her before. Still, though, it was pretty magical how my subconscious was able to bring her name forth before I even thought about it. Anyway, she is the moon goddess. She, also, is independent and has no husband.
So, Mother's Day was interesting. First of all, I went through a low phase right before my period. I was eating a bunch of food and I couldn't get up early for yoga. As a matter of fact, I only did yoga three times that week. As we slid into Sunday, the depression was fading but an anxiety of sorts was setting in. I think my mood changes are partly chemistry, but partly influenced by external triggers. Perhaps it would have just been an "up", maybe even a pleasant one -- but, being that it was Mother's Day, I was way too much up inside my own head and I got a little paranoid.
Saturday, Kelli had sent me a Facebook message with a picture of Sienna to wish me a happy Birth Mother's Day. She told me that Sienna can say "Christine" now and she is trying to get it on video for me. That made me smile. She is so beautiful, and you can see her personality right in the picture. It's like she makes the photo come alive, she has such bright energy. Her hair IS getting lighter (it isn't blonde, lol) and it is longer than most three year old girls' hair is! When I see her, I always feel that little twinge of sadness. But I also feel joy.
Sunday, I had to work, and couldn't see either one of my kids. I got this stupid idea in my head that Tristan had made Rachel a Mother's Day gift instead of me and almost lost my mind. I was so twisted up over it that I did some yoga to try to calm down and center myself. I drank some tea with Ashwagandha, which is supposed to be a natural aid for anxiety. I've been using it every day with Maca and Spirulina in tea or a hemp protein shake. It's too early to tell whether it's making a difference, but it certainly isn't hurting anything.
Anyway, he DID make me a present, and he gave it to me yesterday. Sometimes one bad thought just triggers another and sets off a chain reaction. I need to learn how to stop those in their tracks. It was a laminated acrostic poem:
M -- Meditating
O -- Ohmmmmmmm
T -- Tristan
H -- Hint
E --
R -- Rad
I can't remember what the E was for. It's in my car right now. Anyway, the first two cracked me up! Jewel gave me a flower in a flower pot that she had decorated.
For MY mommy, I made some body butter with shea butter, cocoa butter, coconut oil, hemp oil, cornstarch, rose hip oil, and vitamin E. The first recipe I had tried was no bueno, and I actually think that's what triggered my depression in the first place. It was too oily, so I added beeswax. It was still too oily, so I added cornstarch. THEN it was too dry and I had no way to fix it. I had been working on it for two days, re-melting and adjusting. Finally I just said fuck it and tried a different recipe. I also made her some natural bug repellent lotion bars and a lavender epsom salt foot soak. I added a candle and a bag of Positive Energy Yogi tea for a night of relaxation. :)
I got my Peace Fest ticket!!! I am so fucking excited!!!! I just KNOW something EPIC is going to happen this year. I still have all these recurring dreams about the Willow Ranch, I thought they would stop when I went to Peace Fest last year, but they continued. I feel like I still have some unfinished Karma there, but I have no idea what it is. I only know that that place is significant.
Yoga progress! I haven't checked in with that in a while. So, after like three days off, I jumped back into it and I thought I would suck. To my surprise, I was more flexible than I had been before my break! My body slid into half lotus without issue and I could even do a bind on BOTH sides. I noticed a few areas of improvement. The one with your leg up in the air, I can now bend down toward my leg, lift up, and turn my head to the left while the leg goes out to the right (and vice versa). I couldn't do that before. Also, in the pose that is like triangle, but instead of grabbing your right big toe with your right hand you put your left hand down next to the foot...well, I am able to put my hand on the OUTSIDE of my foot now.
It's not like I'm in a competition or that I'm heading toward some specific goal, it's just encouraging to see progress. I think it's like that in life -- it's nice to see validation that our efforts aren't wasted.
Wow. As usual, I had a huge "A-ha" moment when I chose today's goddess. For those who don't know, my ethnic background is Greek and German. My paternal grandfather is half Greek (Kakavelakis) and half German (his parents didn't even speak one another's language! How curious...) and my paternal grandmother has a German (Schaendorf) background. My mom's background is German on both sides.
So clearly, I am much more German than I am Greek. However, I have always associated more with the Greek side. I can't really say why, probably because Greek mythology was the first mythology (other than Christian, haha) I ever encountered, my first exposure to the idea of the divine feminine. I really identified with it from a very early age, like first grade. I liked the idea of my ancestors worshiping Athena, Aphrodite, and Artemis. I liked to believe that I came from a culture which honored and revered the divinity of women.
Today I just decided randomly to choose Freyja. I thought she was Nordic, as in, from Norway. It turns out she is NORSE, which is NOT the same thing. (Please don't make fun of me, I'm smart but I don't know everything!) Anyway, NORSE mythology is of the Northern Germanic people. She, too, is a goddess of my people. She is a goddess who belongs to no one, which I also identify with. When I googled her, I learned some surprising things about my heritage and it answered some questions about my draw to shamanism. I have no Native American roots, so it seemed random. Not so much.
"The ancient Germanic people had an animalistic-shamanic religion, whereby everything was seen as sentient and alive, and the Wise Women or Volvas would enter altered states of consciousness in order to heal and gain spiritual knowledge and awareness. Freyja's Volvas were greatly revered seeresses gifted with divination, clairvoyance, and prophesy. And just as cats were Freya's special animals, so were they the spirit allies of the Nordic Wise Women."
I chose Bast as my first patron goddess because she is a cat, and I have a deep affinity for cats. In fact, my whole family does -- my sister has 4 cats, and my dad has 5. My brother only has one, and I guess he's more of a dog person. But anyway, Freyja really resonates with me. I feel called to make her my patron goddess, and I feel like I carry the gifts of her Volvas. In fact, I think there IS something passed at least from my mother to me and now to my daughter. Let me tell you about what is happening to Jewel.
On a purely clinical side, she has autism and is entering the age of puberty. Apparently it is common for autistic children to develop seizures during this time -- in fact, one in four do, according to what I have read. I'm sure that is what is happening, and the reasons for seizures have to do with messed up electrical impulses in the brain. She hasn't been convulsing, she'll just stop and stare and won't answer you. Then she snaps back to it and acts like nothing happened. The first time, she had fainted.
The curious thing is, though, she told me that sometimes she thinks about something, and then she sees it, and that's when this happens. The first time, she saw a guy sitting on a bench in her mind, then she saw him in real life, and spaced out. The second time, she saw something on the way home that she had dreamed about, and kind of just froze up and stared and wouldn't answer me. I was really freaked out. I have done a lot of research on seizures and I have become completely fascinated with the human brain. I understand -- a little -- what is happening to her, but how do you explain scientifically the psychic behavior preceding the event? And the craziest thing is, she's NOT the only one! Other people report similar experiences. What does it mean???
I have often thought, and mentioned here previously, that we are all conducting energy, source energy, chi, prana, whatever you want to call it. I already had a hypothesis that some mental disorders were due to how much or how little of this energy our brains were conducting. When I am manic, I feel like I am conducting a high amount of this energy. The effects are spiritual, psychological, but also physical -- my heart beats faster. There is more blood flow to my extremities, so my sexual response is heightened. I smell better. I hear better. It's like, electricity. Not LIKE -- I believe now, that Source energy IS electricity.
My daughter, being autistic, is in a constant state of heightened sensation. Certain sounds hurt her ears, certain textures bother her, she has a nose like a hound dog, and will only eat certain foods. She can taste subtle differences in macaroni depending on how much butter or milk I put in (now I use coconut oil, and she loves it). So therefore, since I experience this when manic, I further hypothesize that an autistic individual is constantly conducting a high amount of Source energy -- electricity.
Which leads me to why they have a higher rate of seizures, which are sudden surges of electrical activity in the brain. Therefore, since electrical activity is Source energy, she WOULD have heightened psychic awareness as well. In fact, when I am manic, I notice that my intuition is higher, I experience more synchronicity, and I seem more inspired -- as if poetry and words flow right from the universe into my head.
Wow, I didn't write about ANYTHING I meant to write about. I suppose I should be used to that by now :)
Today is a bright, sunshiny, beautiful blessing of a day! I searched for, "Goddess of Joy" and Bast(et) was among the results. I chose her immediately, mostly due to the fact that she was my first patron goddess back when I was about 14. I even had a Bast statue at one point in time, but I have no idea what ever happened to it. I've moved so many times that very few possessions from my "past life" are still with me.
All the better, though. Losing my material possessions time and time again taught me to not be attached to them, and to this day I cherish nothing but the memories. It is not until you have nothing that you realize that all of the things you thought you couldn't live without don't really matter very much at all. Having said that, though, I notice that I am now in danger of a type of "spiritual materialism".
I was so minimalist for so long, and I never thought twice about buying anything I WANTED. Well, not possessions, anyway. I did spend a lot of money on experiences, but that's different. Anyway, now that I'm clean and sober and earning a decent paycheck, I have found myself lusting after objects in a dangerous way. I justify it because they are things that would complement my spiritual practice -- expensive yoga mats, tie-dyed yoga pants, semi-precious mala beads, meditation cushions, yoga retreats, pendulums, statues, wands, herbs, essential oils...and so on and so forth. I had to remind myself recently that I should not desire, not even for these things. It is possible to connect with the divine without spending any money or possessing any fancy tools.
Speaking of not desiring, it occurred to me that this new moon will mark 6 months of celibacy for me. I didn't even intend to do it, it just happened -- just like quitting smoking. I never set out to quit -- but yesterday it dawned on me that I have had a pack of cigarettes sitting untouched in my car since Holly's birthday party last Saturday. The addictions just passed, with little fanfare, on their own -- without ever saying goodbye. They just left, without being asked. I guess they realized they weren't welcome in my new healthy and balanced body.
Janessa came over today and she also made a comment like my mom had -- she said I look anorexic. I'm seriously perplexed...I mean, I do notice that my pants are falling off. But I don't look any different to myself than I did last year. I wonder if I should be worried. I don't think so, though -- I think it was more likely that I always saw myself this way, even when I was chubby after having Sienna. It's just that now, my outside matches the perception I've always had of myself. I do eat. I swear I do. And anyway, I'm not THAT skinny...I'm in a size 6, which is pretty average, I think.
Speaking of Sienna, I had the craziest dream about her last night! First, she was as old as Jewel and her hair had turned blonde. I was very excited because she looked more like me. We were hanging out at my parents' house with her parents, and everyone was getting along great. Then she was two, and she was hugging me and hanging out with me and everyone was happy. Her parents weren't upset about it, she was really comfortable around me, and I felt very complete. I don't really know what it meant, maybe nothing. I liked it though.
This is Wohpe, another goddess which came to me much like Cerridwen did. I was first searching for a goddess of dreams, then decided to search for bisexual goddesses, which led me to an Inuit goddess, which lead me to Wohpe. I knew as soon as I read her description that I was meant to find her today.
She is also known as White Buffalo Calf Woman. The reason this is so significant to me is because I have had Kellee Maize on replay in my car for the past week, and part of the lyrics to one of her songs goes, "I've been gathering the girls and the owls, we run deep/White Buffalo Calf Woman leading love armies/Red Road below feet/We are the rainbow warriors replacing the worries". I should also mention that the name of the sister circle is Red Road Sister Circle.
Anyway, Wohpe is a Lacota goddess. (PS, Peace Fest is held in Lacota, MI) She generates harmony and unity. She is a goddess of peace and meditation. I feel myself very called to the theme of meditation lately, and I feel like it's time that I really take heed. First, I thought that since April was for Ashtanga, that May could be for Meditation. I discarded the idea. Then, the dharma talk that I chose on YouTube yesterday (for no other reason than it was first in a series) was all about the importance of meditation. I chose Chang O yesterday, of introspection -- which is a big part of meditation.
Okay, Universe -- I hear you! I see these signs and also gentle nudges to give up sugar. I'm just not sure yet whether I'm ready to do it -- I love sugar and I know I'm addicted to it. What other addictions do I have left? If I give up sugar, all that remains is caffeine. I haven't had any nicotine in a week. I just can't imagine my life without sugar right now!
So last night, I did a reiki self healing. It wasn't even 8pm yet, but when my hands were on my sacral chakra, I felt immobilized and sedated. I remained there for a long time and eventually fell asleep -- it was a drugged type of feeling, not an organic falling asleep naturally type feeling. I woke up two hours later, sweating, and fell back asleep. I had the most intense, bizarre, vivid dreams. They were lucid, though -- I knew I was dreaming, and I was searching for answers.
I used to have recurring dreams of scary basements, and I believe I mentioned the first dream I had not too long ago where I went into a basement, prepared to face whatever may be lying in wait for me, and found nothing. Last night I walked into the dark basement -- once again, knowing that I was dreaming -- and said, "Okay, shadow. I'm ready to confront you." I waited for something scary to happen, or for a monster to appear which I had to do battle with. The basement remained peaceful. Nothing bad happened. I went on the explore the rest of the house and found nothing threatening anywhere.
Then, I found myself having a conversation with an ex. It was really strange. I said to him, "Do you know we're dreaming right now? This isn't real. Are you dreaming too? Do you remember your dreams?" I am still unsure whether we were both dreaming, and just had this conversation on the astral plane, or if his likeness had been placed as a figment of my imagination. He told me something which put my soul at ease and gave me peace, but wouldn't you know that I can't remember it at all for the life of me. I hate when that happens!
Also, today, more amazingness manifested in my life. I feel truly in awe -- it seems like whenever I put it out there that I want something in my life, it shows up! Not two weeks after I decided I wanted a reiki attunement, Karen posted that she would be doing them. Over the past two weeks I have decided seriously that I wanted to do a live yoga class once a week, and today the James Russell House posted that a girl from the sister circle will be teaching yoga there Thursday nights after I get out of work. I don't have the kids Thursday nights, it's perfect!!!!!
Today has been an amazing day! I chose Chang O because she is the goddess on my "Contemplation" card in the Goddess Tarot deck, and I want to talk about meditation today. The Rider-Waite version of that card is The Hermit.
Before I get into that, though, I just want to point out how healthy and revitalizing it can be to just take a day off work for yourself, and to get out of the house and use it to do things that nourish your spirit and delight your mind. Today was that day for me, and I feel totally renewed.
Last night, I brought Jewel to the Blisswurx Kidz event at Cedar Tree. Of course, Cedar Tree is the birthing center/women's community center thing that Juliea and the midwife Sara started. I have mentioned it before, I believe -- it's where the shamanic journey group meets, where the mother/daughter spa night was held, where the mother to mother support circle is....etc. etc. So anyway, it's a haven for like-minded mamas. Last night was incredible! Asia was there with her son, April (my reiki buddy) was there with her daughter, Breezy (from the sister circle and the book club) was there with her daughter, Skadi (from the sister circle) was there with her son, and a woman I had not met before named Melinda was there with her daughters.
The kids all got along wonderfully while the moms enjoyed conversation, and overall it was a great success. Jewel was thrilled and said she can't wait to see everyone again. Melinda teaches Nia, which I had the pleasure of learning about while we were there last night. According to the Nia Now website, Nia is a "sensory-based movement practice that draws from martial arts, dance arts, and healing arts. It empowers people of all shapes and sizes by connecting the body, mind, emotions, and spirit." It is also practiced barefoot -- win!!!! I think her classes conflict with my work schedule, but it's definitely something I'm interested in pursuing at some point.
I had taken today off from work, and I was glad for it. Jewel and I slept in, I did some reiki on her, then I brought her to her dad's. April and Amanda (my reiki buddies from the level 1 attunement) and I had planned a reiki share at Amanda's house, which is literally one minute away from Jewel's house. Perfection. :) We ended up spending the whole time talking, but it was good and much-needed. We exchanged ideas, talked about our passions, and compared experiences. We talked about stones, pendulums, birth charts, tarot, dreams, and of course reiki. I did have the opportunity to watch Amanda do some reiki on April and I really think that as soon as my self-consciousness about "doing it right" goes away, I'll be in the flow.
Amanda showed us a "Vibe Up" snap bracelet -- a combination of liquid crystal, microscopic stones, and essential oils that goes around your wrist and delivers the energy matching the vibration for a particular intent. They have themes like Heart Wisdom, Courage, I am Abundant, I am Energy, etc. They also make charging coasters, vibrational therapy mats, therapeutic teddy bears...all KINDS of vibration enhancing goodies! I was just looking at the website and decided I really need to stop, I am lusting after everything they have.
I just know that I am becoming so weird. Every day, I get a little bit further into the atmosphere, and soon no one else will understand me at all except fellow weirdos. But do you know what I have learned about us "weirdos"? We know stuff. Stuff that sounds crazy until you learn it for yourself -- and then, when you try to explain it -- well, guess what, welcome to the crazy club. ;) It's not for me to worry about what level of consciousness everyone is at; to be sure, there are many far more evolved and we will each walk our own path in our own way according to our own timeframe. It's just a ride -- but it's finally a ride that I am completely and thoroughly enjoying, rather than simply enduring and waiting for it to end.
I was listening to this dharma talk tonight, and the monk said, "Everyone wants to know the meaning of life. What is life? What does it mean?" He said you write your own script. You decide what your life means. You can decide to live a meaningful life, or you can choose a meaningless life. It's up to you. That was very powerful to me -- especially considering that I now notice how much more FULL life is when you make it meaningful, rather than just surviving.
As usual, I didn't talk about what I came to talk about. I was going to go to the Great Wisdom Meditation Center tonight, but when I got there I discovered it was just a HOUSE! I was way too scared to just go in by myself, so I came home and looked up a dharma talk on YouTube instead. It was enlightening. Maybe I'll talk more about it tomorrow. :)
